So there I was...
Driving down a dark, back country road, heading home from a friend's house.
It was a very nice summer night in the seventies, complete with a glimmering crescent moon and patches of enveloping fog.
One of my favorite songs - Yet Another Movie by Pink Floyd - was emanating from my stereo, the sound instilling it's pleasurable effect on me. The cool breeze from my open windows filled my senses with the wonder of fresh air, so often taken for granted.

It was then I realized with intensity just how great it was to be alive, at that moment and just how appreciative I was of being born, of being able to experience these fantastic and simple pleasures of life.

Now, I've always been a person who loves life, and I get enjoyment from every moment I'm alive. Even when I'm pissed off or when things just "aren't going my way", I still enjoy life and try to reap some appreciation out of the current situation.
Besides, without the "bad", the "good" would be meaningless.

That night in my car, however, was one of those moments when the true impact of being alive just hit me like a ton of bricks.
It erupted my senses and made me even more thankful (to circumstance) for this great indulgence that is life.
There have been other similar moments in different situations...

Anyways, I got to thinking, since Satanism is about the worship of life, perhaps it would be interesting to hear about others' cognate experiences.

What occurrence(s) has made you feel a greater awareness of being alive?


HS!
Hail life!

What occurrence(s) has made you feel even "more alive" than usual?

I am either alive, or not.

So, how can I be "more alive"?

Are you asking about experiences of uncommon awareness?

Hail Satan!

~ DE

Quote:

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I am either alive, or not.

So, how can I be "more alive"?

Are you asking about experiences of uncommon awareness?

---

Yeah, that's why I put "more alive" in quotes, meaning it to be taken loosely.
Uncommon awareness would probably work better...
I'll change that. Thanks for the input, Warlock.

HS!

Combat, survival, death . . . and other miseries that make you realize how important life truly is.

Any fool can complain about his life, and many do. It takes a wise man, an experienced man, to realize life is the best thing you have.

A few moments in my life:

Losing my virginity outside on a hot day
Many times when I have been out walking by myself
First time I performed live in a band
Many others I cannot recall off the top of my head

Times when I have felt that "I fucking love my life more than anything" feeling...

* Playing a game of flashlight tag on a foggy night in my pyjamas while camping with friends in the woods... Adrenaline, giggles and extreme happiness.

* Feeling my nephew kick inside my sister... Such an amazing feeling.

* Crying to "Sorry About That" live in London, with all my friends around me.

* First ever mosh pit. Nuff said.

* Any time I ever look up at the sky at night when I'm out in the country... Theres something about looking at the stars that makes me feel so glad to be alive... Its just so beautiful and being able to experience such beauty is, to me, what life is about...

I love that feeling so much. I love my life.

>>What occurrence(s) has made you feel a greater awareness
>>of being alive?

I've had experiences like that here and there in my life, but the one that immediately comes to mind was on my 30th birthday, this past winter. I was celebrating my birthday in Las Vegas, having arguably the most consistently indulgent time of my entire life.

I was walking past the Bellagio when I noticed several jesus freaks holding up picket signs. They were doing their typical proselytizing routine. There was even a small news crew there, filming and interviewing them. Now of course this wasn't my first time seeing such vermin, but it the first time I had seen anything like that on the trip. They looked like out of place garbage.

Shortly after that, the nightly water show in front of the Bellagio started. "Luck Be A Lady" could be heard on all the speakers that lined the sidewalk. I saw the water shoot 10+ stories when the song kicked in. And that's when the poetically philosophical part of my mind kicked in too. One of those "ton of bricks" moments. I had what I'd go so far as to call a "Satanic born-again experience".

I thought to myself, "Look at this beautiful sight in front of me. A completely man-made lake, powerful music that has lasted generations, these mechanical jets of water soaring to the sky in sequence, and all at the center of this town that was created in the middle of nowhere to celebrate...life. Everything is here for happiness. It shows some of the incredibly beautiful things this species in capable of making. We only have one life to live, and we should be enjoying every single minute of what life has to offer before it's gone."

"Yet look at these xtian parasites over here! What are they here for? They are solely determined to reject everything pleasurable! They want everybody to spend their life feeling guilty and miserable. They can't stand to see somebody happy. They are anti-life, plain and simple. I can't think of a more despicable behavior that anybody could subscribe to, and worse, push on other people. I am the antithesis of that. I am a Satanist."

Of course I already knew all these things intellectually. These are trite things known to all Satanists. But to know something emotionally is different than just knowing it intellectually.

I looked back at the water show and for those few minutes I was just overtaken by the beauty and hugeness of it all. I felt so happy and full of "life force" that I had tears in my eyes. It's an experience I'll never forget.

I always get this special feeling when I look at the lights of this city at night. I say to myself that this is all mine, I just have to stretch out my hands... In moments like this the city is the symbol for the whole world, for all the beauty and happiness it has for people who aren't blind to see them, and aren't slothful to take them.

I have the same experiences when I create something, may it be a poem, a piece of clothing I make, or something else, because I made it and I know, that it simply makes life nicer. It brings joy either to me or to people I love/like.

18/09/2002, approximatly 0300 am.
Me, on the porch, with my guitar (same situation as in the
picture of my avatar).
Light breeze from the ocean, I'm partially sober (or partially drunk...)
after a night of partying.
Then came a brush of inspiration, and I played something
without knowing what it is (sure, I messed up a note every
now and then, but after several attempts all was good).

Then, I played my new little instrumental.
Enjoying every moment of it.

And then, right there, I had (Bill_M said it best) my "Satanic
born again experience".

Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the breeze, maybe
it was my guitar... but I was in nirvana that morning.

>>What occurrence(s) has made you feel a greater awareness
>>of being alive?

One of the bigger earth quakes I was involved in.
I loved that feeling;knowing I was just this small crumb of dust standing on this gigantic trash clod shaking about.

I was outside, on the sand. I could feel the shaking in my bones. There is an energy with an earth quake too. Obviously. The energy though, seems to travel seperately from the force.

It was intimate. It made me excited, happy, and most of al, it made me think.

"more alive" to me seems to be one of "those" saying, such as "Good luck".

See post on Good Luck.

Throughout the Hindu world, the dead are not buried, but instead are publicily cremated upon wooden pyres. In Pashupatinath, a famous temple to Shiva in Kathmandu Nepal, there is a river that runs through the immense complex.

I climbed inside a shrine containing a sacred lingam (phallus) and got in a meditative pose. I watched as a body was burned on a platform, opposite the river. At the exact same time the sky was turning orange as the sun was just beginning to set and to my infinite joy- the sun perfectly aligned itself above the burning corpse.

The juxtaposition of the river, burning corpse and setting sun was a very powerfully symbolic synchronicity to witness.

Watching a body burn is an automatic "spiritual" experience. It perfectly affirms the transient nature of our own life to witness the end of another. It was beautiful and it resonated deep within my own spirit, it was a powerful experience which made me appreciate the time that I have here.

I think shying away from death makes us weak. We hide from the truth and when it happens people cry and cry and cry. If we were closer to death or saw it more frequently perhaps we'd do more with the limited time that we have!

Quote:

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I think shying away from death makes us weak. We hide from the truth and when it happens people cry and cry and cry. If we were closer to death or saw it more frequently perhaps we'd do more with the limited time that we have!

---

Anton LaVey takes a similar perspective with reference to death in the video/documentary Satanis.

I remember one night I was on gaurd duty in Egypt. Our mission was to gaurd a small radio outpost for a joint training operation between several countries. We were there for probably a week. About the third or fourth day was quite a day for me. During the day, on my off duty hours, I got into a small poker game with three other marines. It took three hours to play, and in the end there was no more than 80 dollars to be won, but hand after hand, bluff after winning hand, I used odds and sheer threat to collect my winnings. Nothing like beating four kings with a high card queen, and nothing like beating three of a kind with a straight. Well anyways, that night the react alarm sounded, and I along with my squad, ran out to defend that small patch of sand in the middle of nowhere. And as I lay in the prone position, my boots not totally tied and my finger straight and off the trigger until I intended to fire, I thought, "Anyone that intends to take my life is going to die trying." Then the alarm was over, we were told it was a good drill, we all moaned and cursed, and went to sleep a few hours later, adrenalin being much like coffee.

This stuff reminded me my fathers war story of 73'.
except that, well, no alarms went off, just a red wall of fire
from the horizon that kept approching the small outpost he
was in.

Luckly for me, it stopped. (Who said nuclear weapons are a
bad thing?)

Here's some I shared with others that already posted:

--Looking up at the stars in the country and being amazed by the beauty of the world
--Late-night driving, especially pleasure-driving, and the feeling of peace and serenity it brings me
--I also have felt the sensation of appreciating life in the face of death when passing accidents on the highway

Others which were more "my own":
--Coming up with a new idea or finally getting something I've mulled over in my head, like the meaning of a particular work of literature or why I feel the way I do about some social issue. Nothing beats the sense of discovery or the recognition of worlds of new possibilities like having a "Eureka!" moment.
--Moments of serendipity, like having a friend call me while I'm thinking about her, finding the answer to a question I've been asking in an unlikely place, or receiving something of significance out of the blue. I often find money or am given money as tips in the approximate amount it would cost to buy something I had been coveting the same day. When I found my cat in a parking lot, it was hours after talking to friends about how much I wanted a cat for my new apartment--and to add to it, she looked exactly like the kind of cat I was dreaming of having (an all-black cat with gold eyes). These moments stick with me.
--Holiday times, with all the excitement and special foods/decorations/gifts/family members.
--How I feel the moment after a ritual, when I feel that I've laid my feet on a new path for myself and done something constructive about a problem I'm seeking to resolve.
--When I'm angry at someone and am either immune from their actions or have some way to get back at them. If at the very least I can tell them where to shove it I feel the joy of NOT being harmed and NOT being brought down and bothered by some stupid schmuck who thought they'd give me trouble.
--The joy of entering a new world in a book, movie, or amusement park also fits the list.

I've felt similar feelings in different circumstances, usually regarding some issue of sexuality. I've had sexual experiences where it has occurred to me (during or after the fact) that I just thoroughly enjoyed something considered taboo by the prudish. For many losing one's virginity is shameful and more awkward than it needs to be--for me, it was what it was and I felt I made that transition without any unneeded guilt.

Similarly, I also occasionally see news segments or TV shows about gay couples getting married. While it's not my business, I easily empathize with people and usually get caught up in the gushing joy of the couple being interviewed. At the same time, I know someone somewhere is getting horribly offended and/or grossed out, while all I can feel is a great sense of happiness that the two people involved have found each other. I likewise feel the same when people describe sexual experiences outside of relationships that had a positive impact in their lives--"I'm glad I ran around while I still had the chance," "He was a great lover but I'm glad I didn't marry him, so-and-so and I get along much better," "I'm glad my husband and I decided to have an open marriage--there's so much more variety," etc. Where others see shameful promiscuity, supposed insecurity, and hell-bound antics, I see people trying to fulfill their needs and making the most they can out of the one shot at life they've got. And it makes me smile.

1) Staring at an amazing orange-red sunset while walking on a desolate beach near the Ocean in deep South Jersey has made me appreciate my life.

2) Driving in my car listening to music on a clear night while freely thinking about random ideas made me think about how much I appreciate my life.

3) Hearing about people who have died in really absurd situations has made me think of how much I enjoy my life.

4) Recovering from some pretty messed up illnesses throughout my life has made me think about how I really love to be alive.

5) Finding my love and realizing that we both equally have equally strong and passionate carnal/sexual endeavors has made me realize how I am grateful and happy to be alive.

6) All in all, knowing that my mom and dad created me makes me feel special to be alive!

Hail Satan!

Yeah, thats what gaurd duty is like when there aren't bedouins trying there hand at piracy, i.e. back in the states. Sitting there in the middle of the night, guarding a vehicle ramp in the middle of a Marine Corps base, thinking, "Wow, I must be really stupid to have ended up here."

Every army has those kind of guard duties.
The more of them, the more your country is in actual peace
...
Give or take several UFO psychos howling in the desert
at some classified base.
(as with the above - every army has those... )

As an upcoming father myself I would like to say congratulations to you, your sister and your brother in law on your first nephew

The anticipation is really something isn't it?

OH WOW! CCONGRATULATIONS!!!

It's amazing. I got my first hug today! My sister is such a hero, she did it all with gas and air, and my brother in laws arm is all bruised and scrathed! haha!
I hope they have more kids. I'm not gonna have any of my own, I'd rather be cool Aunt Sye who's a little bit odd.

Enjoy your wifes pregnancy - take as many photos of her as you can, theres something about pregnant woman, they always look gorgeous. I told my sister that only two days ago! She really suited her bump, but she suits being a mummy more!

We're all still on a high from it. Its one of the most amazing things you'll ever experience. Have fun!

Just keep the germolene handy... She'll cut your arms/hands to pieces... Some guys have actually had bones broken in their hands by their wives!

And she may curse at you. A lot. And blame you for getting her pregnant. Just try not to anger it... (A good general rule when she's pregnant too... Give her whatever she wants, if you like an easy life...)

I am currently dancing around my farmhouse kitchen to a bit of Jazz Drum & Bass with two daft Greyhounds boogieing (sp?) with me.

We have just come back from the pine forest.

A good friend popped round earlier and dropped off a White Stripes CD, shared a Shiraz or two and conversed.

Typical "boring" Friday evening.