Actually, you are in luck! While we regrettably do not have an office in the Inland Empire, if you are willing to make the trek to Los Angeles, we do have a representative who can meet with you and guide you to a Satanic safehouse. Just go to the NE corner of Compton Boulevard and Alameda Street, poke two holes in a white pillowcase and put it on your head.
We have someone watching via closed circuit television at all hours. His name is Agent Beauregard Jackson.
When someone approaches you, the code phrase is:
"What the FUCK are you looking at, Beauregard?"
(Shout this phrase as loud as you can. Agent Jackson is a bit hard of hearing.)
If this is inconvenient, the best we can do is direct you to
The Church of Satan
's web site at www.churchofsatan.com
, which will provide you with all of the information you need. Actually, had you read the information provided at that web address thoroughly, you would already know the correct answer to your question.
If you follow the instructions above, you may become eligible for a prestigious Darwin Award. http://www.darwinawards.com/