Cognitive behavioral theory would suggest that somewhere, sometime you learned that carpet-pissing should
make you feel anger.
You see one of those damned carpet-pissers come into your abode and do it and – faster than lightening – you tell yourself “He shouldn’t
have done that! This is unacceptable! This is inexcusable! This is evil! I can’t stand it! I won’t stand it!”
You know the routine.
If you don’t, then just unravel what you had to say to yourself to get you mad. Simply say “That made me get mad because…”
You’ll find the words them. Trust me. They are always there if you look for them.
So I don’t think there is a “carpet-pissing” instinctive anger response since there was probably a time before maybe cavemen even had carpets.
Anger doesn't just happen somehow like lunar eclipses or snowstorms.
This idea flies in the face of a world filled with people who never really mature, never grow up but live out the scripts they absorbed through osmosis in growing up.
They usually can point to outbursts of anger that have created untold damage in their lives, but will still justify these reactions as “natural” or “impossible to control”.
me angry” is the theme song.
Of course, the evidence does not support this view.
Please understand I am not debating the what
. This isn’t an issue of “right” or “wrong”.
Context is everything.
It is entirely an issue of questioning whether to not anger is an “act of God” or if somehow you have learned to choose that response.
The mind is a funny machine. The more it goes down a route of thinking and acting the more automatic those thoughts and actions become.
Eventually they can become so automatic that we lose awareness of what we are doing and we call this “unconscious”.
Actually it isn’t “unconscious”.
It’s just damned fast.
Many people justify whatever the hell they do by “explaining” that “I lost my temper” or “I just got mad”.
They believe that some things “just make
Careful self-examination undercuts this belief.
Tougher still is the belief that anger is a good thing. Usually that proves to not be the case.
It is not likely that many people will live long enough to grow up and overcome most of the stupid triggers that make them go ape shit stupid (angry) but that’s another issue.
Almost any popular book by Albert Ellis goes into the kind of stories people learn to tell themselves to choose anger when they don’t have to.
For myself, I never argue with someone that anger is usually self-defeating. I figure if they live long enough they’ll probably figure it out for themselves … or not.