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#188832 - 09/17/06 10:07 PM Too submissive?
Charlotte Offline


Registered: 12/06/05
Posts: 66
Loc: California
By nature, I am very easygoing and polite to a fault. I would rather concede an argument to another person than get into a big messy row.

The problem is, people perceive me as fragile, submissive, and ultra-feminine. Though this is not entirely inaccurate, I get tired of people attempting to take advantage of me or use me as a doormat. I am also very sensitive, and my feelings are easily hurt.

My question is, should I change my personality, and to what degree? Or should I work within the bounds of what comes naturally to me, and turn it to my advantage?

All thoughts are welcome.

Thank you.

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#188833 - 09/17/06 10:16 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Charlotte]
Enchantress Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2167
Loc: Canada
Quote:

Or should I work within the bounds of what comes naturally to me, and turn it to my advantage?




I would recommend reading The Satanic Witch by Anton LaVey - it will help tremendously.
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#188834 - 09/17/06 10:17 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Charlotte]
Jack_Lantern Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/06/05
Posts: 2785
Loc: America
Quote:

My question is, should I change my personality, and to what degree? Or should I work within the bounds of what comes naturally to me, and turn it to my advantage?




That's actually two questions, but anyway...

Fist of all, I don't think people can change their personalities. You would be better of just accepting who you are instead of judging yourself by external standards of what a person should be, in this case, not too submissive.

Secondly if people are trying to use you, then using what comes naturally to you to take advantage of their preconcieved notions would definately be the way to go. I would suggest reading "The Satanic Witch" for details on how to go about doing that.
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"If a man empties his purse into his head no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." -Benjamin Franklin

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#188835 - 09/17/06 10:18 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Charlotte]
Lust Offline


Registered: 11/02/05
Posts: 4214
I would go with the latter. The trick is to work with nature not against it.
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�Love is one of the most intense feelings felt by man; another is hate. Forcing yourself to feel indiscriminate love is very unnatural. If you try to love everyone you only lessen your feelings for those who deserve your love. Repressed hatred can lead to many physical and emotional aliments. By learning to release your hatred towards those who deserve it, you cleanse yourself of these malignant emotions and need not take your pent-up hatred out on your loved ones.�
Anton Szandor LaVey, The Satanic Bible

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#188836 - 09/17/06 10:18 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Enchantress]
Jack_Lantern Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/06/05
Posts: 2785
Loc: America
Damn, you beat me by a minute!
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"If a man empties his purse into his head no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." -Benjamin Franklin

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#188837 - 09/17/06 10:21 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Enchantress]
Charlotte Offline


Registered: 12/06/05
Posts: 66
Loc: California
Enchantress, thanks for the suggestion. I have read the Satanic Witch, but I haven't perused it for a while. Perhaps it is time for a refresher.

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#188838 - 09/17/06 10:22 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Jack_Lantern]
Enchantress Offline

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Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2167
Loc: Canada
I type quickly sometimes...
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#188839 - 09/17/06 10:26 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Charlotte]
Jack_Lantern Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/06/05
Posts: 2785
Loc: America
No, now is the time to start studying it. Purusing it twice will do you just as much good as purusing it once.
_________________________
"If a man empties his purse into his head no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." -Benjamin Franklin

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#188840 - 09/17/06 10:27 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Lust]
Charlotte Offline


Registered: 12/06/05
Posts: 66
Loc: California
Quote:

I would go with the latter. The trick is to work with nature not against it.




Philosophically, I lean toward this perspective, but admittedly have a hard time putting it into practice. Would you be so kind as to furnish a hypothetical situation in which this principle could be demonstrated?

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#188841 - 09/17/06 10:29 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Jack_Lantern]
Charlotte Offline


Registered: 12/06/05
Posts: 66
Loc: California
Um, actually I have read it numerous times. What I meant was that perhaps I would benefit by perusing it again, since I had not done so in a while.

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#188842 - 09/17/06 11:18 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Charlotte]
Asmedious Offline


Registered: 09/07/01
Posts: 617
Quote:

By nature, I am very easygoing and polite to a fault. I would rather concede an argument to another person than get into a big messy row.




There is nothing wrong with being pleasant, and not wasting time arguing with people. If you have nothing to lose by conceding, then it's a waste of time to argue anyway.

Quote:

The problem is, people perceive me as fragile, submissive, and ultra-feminine.



Their perception, does not have to be your reality. You might even be able to use their misperception to your advantage.

Quote:

I get tired of people attempting to take advantage of me or use me as a doormat.



The key word here is "Attempting." An attempt does not mean success. I would suggest that you do your best not to place yourself into a situation where they can "get a foot in the door" in the first place, that can give them the opportunity to take advantage of your good nature. Since you have not given an example of how they attempt to take advantage of you, it is difficult to give you an example of how to avoid giving them the opportunity. However, if you are talking about "Psychic Vampires" the best way to avoid being used by them, is to avoid being around them if possible. Sometimes it is easier to get this blood suckers to back off gradually, by making smaller affirmations at first. For example if they call you on the phone all the time, get caller ID, and don't answer their calls often. If they try to borrow funds, let it be known that you do not have any. If they try to impose on your hospitality, make yourself unavailable, or have a previous engagement for the time they wish to visit. Learn to lie if you have to. It's all about self preservation, even if just in a psychological sense.

Quote:

I am also very sensitive, and my feelings are easily hurt.




Others do not hurt our feeling. We are the only ones who can hurt our feelings by what we tell ourselves about a certain situation. For example, if someone says that we are useless, it does not make us so. Those are only words, but if we let the words affect us, then we might feel that they are right. If I may, I would like to suggest that you research "Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy" also known as R.E.B.T, by Dr. Albert Ellis. He has some very good ways of dealing with feelings, and our perceptions and reactions to them.

Quote:

My question is, should I change my personality, and to what degree? Or should I work within the bounds of what comes naturally to me, and turn it to my advantage?




I have doubts about our ability to change our personalities. We can disguise them, or pretend to be different then we are, but eventually, our true selves always seem to come out in the end. However, habits can be altered or changed. Other peoples reaction to us can be manipulated and controlled. The main idea is to not others pull our strings. The martial art known as Aikido comes to mind. The practitioners of this fighting art learn to use their opponents force and momentum against them. With study, practice and at first "baby steps" the same can be achieved with other peoples forceful personality and their intrusiveness. However it cannot be learned over night. Fighting off manipulation takes practice and patience. If you attempt to make drastic changes too fast, the psychic vampires will push back hard and will likely win. They have years of experience in manipulation, so the best way to thwart their efforts, is to do it in a way, where they don't even realize that you are taking back control. Start out with small things at first, perhaps one thing at a time, but be consistent, and once you are making headway, do not back track.

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#188843 - 09/17/06 11:46 PM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Charlotte]
Bogey_Man Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 1888
Loc: Lost.
Do what works.

Don't be a pushover.

Don't try to be someone that you are not.

Don't try to be someone that you wish you were.

Be yourself. If something about yourself isn't making you happy, it's something you can change and do so.

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#188844 - 09/18/06 12:46 AM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Charlotte]
RobertK Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 243
Loc: Dallas, TX
Quote:

My question is, should I change my personality, and to what degree? Or should I work within the bounds of what comes naturally to me, and turn it to my advantage?




Changing your personality would amount to a change in who your are, which just reinforces the stepping-on that you already endure. The latter is your best course.

Some of the most persuasive witches I know are "fragile, submissive, and ultra-feminine." They study their prey, find out what makes them tick and use that information in advantageous ways; and they do it without showing their fangs.

In addition to the The Satanic Witch, you might find a couple of books on body language and interrogation techniques.


HS!
_________________________
The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself. - Sir Richard Francis Burton

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#188845 - 09/18/06 12:49 AM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Asmedious]
satanictruth Offline


Registered: 09/09/06
Posts: 26
Loc: New York
I think Asmedious made very informative statements, I took particular interest in the reference to Aikido. I myself study Jeet Kune Do which is the style developed by Sifu Bruce Lee. In one of his writings and also in interviews he would like to mention water. Water is a good example because of its versatility, for example... water can become ice, just as vapor can become water. In this sense you can relate in the way that change is possible but you cant skip steps, you must go through phases ie. ice to water to vapor. Another way water was used is in its opposing nature, water can be a terrible force harder than stone and taller than buildings. A wave can wipe away an entire village, an avalanche can do the same. But in the same instance water helps give life, it helps plants and food grow, it cleanses our systems. But through this you can see water changes and adapts but you can never make it do something against its nature, it will only do so much. You cant make ice with fire. Hopefully if you are still reading I apologize for the length of that example but it helps solidify my intention when I say, you have to treat each situation differently but remember that even though each path is seperate your destination is the same.

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#188846 - 09/18/06 02:59 AM Re: Too submissive? [Re: Charlotte]
Virus9 Offline
CoS Priest

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 2108
Loc: Florida
Being easygoing and polite is one thing. Being a doormat is something else entirely.

Learn the difference.
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Everyone is special in their own way, and by "special" I mean the short-bus variety.

"Recognize the phrase 'national interest' as a synonym for 'self-interest' and you will find no moral obstacle that cannot be removed from the highway of ambition."
-Lewis Lapham

"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."
-Winston Churchill

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