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#192203 - 10/04/06 08:21 PM Killing My Own Conscience
Broken_Scale Offline


Registered: 09/25/06
Posts: 9
Many of you who used to be practicing Christians, Muslims, Jews (for lack of a better term coming to mind right away), or even Wikkans have had to deal with the guilt forcefully brainwashed into you.
There is a Christian belief that an Aethiest never stays an Aetheist once he/she is put in an extreme situation of mental pressure. Eventually the weak minded crack, and I am sure the same goes for some Satanists who were not ready to accept a new system of beliefs.
I know I am not ready to accept many things, and that I need to be to move on with my life. So I will ask the question that I came here to ask, how do I kill my own conscience? How do I kill an external God that judges me on not only my actions and words but even my thoughts?
I have grown up going to Catholic school, going to a Catholic church, and even have been forced to be an altar boy when I was in grade school. Somewhere along the line I realized that Christianity was taking me nowhere and that I was wasting my time. However, the fear of God still sticks. It is like the boogie man, many children were told of, so that they would behave, and now they are screwed up people as adults. I still check over my shoulder to see if God is watching, and it scares me. So now I ask for guidance. from the men and women who obviously gave up their own beliefs in search for the truth.
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Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. Robert Frost

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#192204 - 10/04/06 08:37 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Maya Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 04/21/05
Posts: 1447
Loc: New England
Look up at the sky and flip God the bird. When you are not struck dead, you will know that you have nothing to fear. I'm not kidding.

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#192205 - 10/04/06 08:43 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
tekku Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/24/06
Posts: 1261
Loc: Behind You
go and see a psychiatrist maybe?
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That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die
~H.P. Lovecraft~

La bonne cuisine est la base du véritable bonheur ~Escoffier~

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#192206 - 10/04/06 08:54 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Isabel23 Offline
CoS Magistra

Registered: 12/17/02
Posts: 2041
Over the years we have all acquired habits of thought that we no longer find useful. Sometimes these are so ingrained that we refer to them as 'buttons'.

It's a lot of determined work, but the buttons can be disconnected.

The manual for doing so can be found here.
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Isabel
CoS Magistra

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#192207 - 10/04/06 09:13 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Hagen von Tronje Offline

CoS Priest

Registered: 06/28/01
Posts: 10133
an Aethiest never stays an Aetheist once he/she is put in an extreme situation of mental pressure

Joe Simpson sure didn't. See the movie/documentary Touching the Void to see exactly what I mean.
_________________________
"The devil I'll bring you," answered Hagen. "I have enough to carry with my shield and breastplate; my helm is bright, the sword is in my hand, therefore I bring you naught."

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#192208 - 10/04/06 09:19 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Felstorm Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 10/27/03
Posts: 1474
Loc: Minnesota.
Your name is fitting.

If Jehovah isn't real, then what does it matter?

All sins lead to gratification.

Go do something stimulating.

Blaspheme. Sin.

Along the way you may find that you start to enjoy life.

You can't kill your concience. You alter it to accept a new set of rules.

If you do not have the willpower to shed that old set of rules...

You will find that you are very much in the wrong place, amidst hostile company.


Edited by Felstorm (10/04/06 09:21 PM)

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#192209 - 10/04/06 09:23 PM haha [Re: Broken_Scale]
Nidhogg Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 06/18/06
Posts: 344
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Are you afraid of Santa Claus too? How about the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny?

Thats what your fear of skydaddy amounts to.


Edited by Klockwerk_Black (10/04/06 09:25 PM)
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fka Thyrn

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#192210 - 10/04/06 10:10 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
MagisterRose Offline
CoS Magister

Registered: 05/21/03
Posts: 2404
What do you think the Black Mass is for?
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The good die young... because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good.
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#192211 - 10/04/06 10:29 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Maya]
Reclusix Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 09/10/06
Posts: 38
Loc: Florida
Quote:

Look up at the sky and flip God the bird. When you are not struck dead, you will know that you have nothing to fear. I'm not kidding.




I did this years ago as a teen. To intensify the effect, while flipping the bird say aloud "You cannot strike me down, for you do not exist!" I am still here.

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#192212 - 10/04/06 10:31 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Laren Offline


Registered: 10/02/05
Posts: 54
Loc: Australia
If it's so easy to 'take the plunge' and have faith in something that clearly doesn't exist, how hard can it be to 'take the plunge' and shatter the fairytale once and for all?

You need to face your irrational fear.

Mock it, spit in it's face and see it for what it really is.

Only then shall you be free to live as you see fit.

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#192213 - 10/04/06 11:51 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
gypsy Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/04/01
Posts: 4749
Loc: Here
There is only one god in your life..you!
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"All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie."

"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."


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#192214 - 10/05/06 12:04 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/25/01
Posts: 12990
Loc: The Solid State
Wikkans

They worship Wikipedia?

how do I kill my own conscience? How do I kill an external God that judges me on not only my actions and words but even my thoughts?

You might try a Black Mass, wherein you blaspheme god and destroy him.

You might try reading literature on various other religions, and reading texts by atheists and skeptics. I find that learning about different faiths levels the spiritual playing field, especially when atheist texts are added into the mix.

Then, in conversation, in Internet debates, and/or just in written essays only to yourself, argue for those points of view, and against the Christian beliefs that are currently pestering you. Psychological studies have found that beliefs are most quickly extinguished when one has to argue against them.
_________________________
"Gentlemen, the verdict is guilty, on all ten counts of first-degree stupidity. The penalty phase will now begin."--Divine, "Pink Flamingos."

"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!

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#192215 - 10/05/06 12:06 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Callier Offline

CoS Warlock

Registered: 08/30/06
Posts: 2209
Quote:

Many of you who used to be practicing Christians, Muslims, Jews (for lack of a better term coming to mind right away), or even Wikkans have had to deal with the guilt forcefully brainwashed into you.





When I was little, I was forced to go to Christian Science church with my grandparents. The only thing I liked about it was the awesome Chinese restaurant they took me to afterwards.

After they passed on, my mother forced me to attend her Baptist/Apostolic church and eventually had me baptized. Although I had to fake my "holy ghost" so I could get the damn thing over with.

I'm not really guilty of it per se. Skepticism saved me from that.

HS!
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$$$ Get Rich or Die Tryin' $$$

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#192216 - 10/05/06 12:55 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Drimlybunk Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 04/01/05
Posts: 928
Loc: California
Use rational thought to reach coherent conclusions. Use logic -- not faith.

It is quite simple.
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'We train young men to drop fire on people, but their commanders won't allow them to write "fuck" on their airplanes because it's obscene!' -- Col. Kurtz (Apocalypse Now)

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#192217 - 10/05/06 01:15 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Asmedious Offline


Registered: 09/07/01
Posts: 617
As some have said here, how can you fear something that does not exist. One poster said to use rational thought. That's good advice. While you still believe that God, God's, or the Boogie Man, exists, you cannot turn your back on them.

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#192218 - 10/05/06 02:16 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
RandomStranger Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 03/09/05
Posts: 2770
Loc: Here.

"I am sure the same goes for some Satanists who were not ready to accept a new system of beliefs."

"How do I kill an external God that judges me on not only my actions and words but even my thoughts?"

"how do I kill my own conscience?"

"still check over my shoulder to see if God is watching, and it scares me. So now I ask for guidance."


First, if you are actually serious, your perspective is way, way skewed. Unless you figure out how to manage these misperceptions, there's a good chance you'll be stuck in one place.
_________________________




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#192219 - 10/05/06 02:35 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Horus Offline


Registered: 10/04/06
Posts: 30
well, its simple, God is a lie, this is the truth, burn it, spit on it, even worship it if you want.. just Believe it with your whole existence, after all you are your own God (if you want it so) btw you dont need to kill your Conscience, you need to Kill the Lie.

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#192220 - 10/05/06 03:01 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: TrojZyr]
Evil_Eve Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 09/23/06
Posts: 4234
Loc: 1313 Mockingbird Lane
Quote:

Wikkans

They worship Wikipedia?

how do I kill my own conscience? How do I kill an external God that judges me on not only my actions and words but even my thoughts?

You might try a Black Mass, wherein you blaspheme god and destroy him.

You might try reading literature on various other religions, and reading texts by atheists and skeptics. I find that learning about different faiths levels the spiritual playing field, especially when atheist texts are added into the mix.

Then, in conversation, in Internet debates, and/or just in written essays only to yourself, argue for those points of view, and against the Christian beliefs that are currently pestering you. Psychological studies have found that beliefs are most quickly extinguished when one has to argue against them.




Very sound advice. In the scientific community we test and challenge ideals, theories, etc.

And as noted a good way to face your fear is to know as much as you can about other religions and put them to the test. What facts do you have that 'god' exist? Have you audibly heard his voice? Do you have visions of him on a taco shell?

People go at great lengths to prove he exist and to this very day there is not ONE ounce of evidence to support that claim. What does that tell you?

I especially liked the verse in the 'Bible' where the Roman soldiers said "If you are the son of God, come down off the cross" (something of that nature) and yet, Jesus would not. He had every oppurtunity to prove that he was but.....oh yeah, if he did everyone would be damned and go to hell. What kind of a line of BS is that? So many things contradict themselves in that book and if you are too blind to see it I suggest you read it again.

YOU however are a living breathing being. YOU KNOW this for a fact. So who's the real god? Logic would tell me it is the human animal because you are the one that is controlling your actions, your destiny, your way of life.

Why would you allow something you can't prove exist lead you down a path? That to me is illogical and not rational in any sense.
Another favorite quote of mine comes from Anton LaVey himself because it is so true that it is comical:

"Satan is the best friend the church ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years".

Isn't that the truth?

Without Satan, your church, your whole belief system would fall apart. You can't easily lead someone without giving them a fear of something. A fear of loss, a fear of 'anything'. You need an evil villian to fight against, thus Satan has become the scapegoat. The whole good vs/evil. So I ask you, if Satan were removed from that book of yours that you seem to cling to, would you still believe in this 'god' of yours?

If you do not question everything, you'll fall for anything.


Read, learn, educate yourself and draw your own conclusions. No one here can help you get rid of your 'boogy man'. Sometimes you just have to grow up and think for yourself, (that is unless you like being much like your name suggest) a lamb led to the slaughter house being controlled by fear.

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#192221 - 10/05/06 03:16 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Grima Offline


Registered: 12/20/04
Posts: 328
Loc: Netherlands
I understand where you come from having been raised in a very strict christian environment myself. All can I tell you is don't expect it to happen all in one go. It's a process you have to go through. You have been thoroughly brainwashed and you need to clear all of that out.

Confront your fears and ask yourself if they are rational. The fact that you compare the fear of god to the boogie man means you already know it's ridiculous but the feeling is still there and feelings take a little more time.
People have different methods to free themselves of it and you'll have to simply find out what works best for you. people have put forward some very good ideas in this thread.
With me personally it was simply confronting my fears. Doing everything that god forbid and asking him (this sounds so silly now I look back at it, but I actually did this) to give me a sign. Surely somebody as devout as I was would receive a sign if I strayed from his path?
I'm still waiting for that sign. Ever since I did the 'forbidden' things my life has improved a thousandfold and I am free.
When you get there you'll see life is no longer a burden but something to be treasured.

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#192222 - 10/05/06 03:26 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Quiddity Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 05/26/04
Posts: 2021
Loc: CA
"Sheep?"
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Obscurum per Obscurius: Ignotum per Ignotius.

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#192223 - 10/05/06 05:29 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: TrojZyr]
Bill_M Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 07/28/01
Posts: 11561
Loc: New England, USA
>>>>Wikkans
>>
>>They worship Wikipedia?

Ah, so there's finally a name for those people! Sure seem to be a lot of them too. As for "Aethiest", I guess that describes something that contains the most aether.
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#192224 - 10/05/06 07:46 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Lust Offline


Registered: 11/02/05
Posts: 4214
Do some research, man has always created his own gods, rather his gods created him. So by proxy it is man that you fear not god. Read or re-read The Satanic Bible, take a good look in the mirror, and the god you save just might be yourself.
_________________________
�Love is one of the most intense feelings felt by man; another is hate. Forcing yourself to feel indiscriminate love is very unnatural. If you try to love everyone you only lessen your feelings for those who deserve your love. Repressed hatred can lead to many physical and emotional aliments. By learning to release your hatred towards those who deserve it, you cleanse yourself of these malignant emotions and need not take your pent-up hatred out on your loved ones.�
Anton Szandor LaVey, The Satanic Bible

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#192225 - 10/05/06 01:18 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
reprobate Offline

CoS Warlock

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 7140
Loc: Canada
Philosophy may help. Read Spinoza, Feuerbach, Nietzsche.
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reprobate

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#192226 - 10/05/06 01:48 PM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Ixmucane Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/15/06
Posts: 109
Quote:

I am sure the same goes for some Satanists who were not ready to accept a new system of beliefs.




From this sentence I understand that you believe that Satanists are somehow converted. When I found Satanism as a religion, a system of beliefs if you want, I was not converted into it but rather I identified with it. I found that the way I had been living my life since a very early age was that of a Satanist, I had just never called it that.

From the way you express yourself, I have a gut feeling that you plain and simply are not a Satanist and I doubt that there is anything any of us can do in order to help you to convert. It just doesn't work that way.
One piece of advice I can give you is to see a mental health professional, they can help you figure out all these feelings of guilt. You need to figure out what god represents to you and why you are so fearful of betraying him. He may very well represent an authority figure (a real live person from your childhood) that you do not wish to disappoint.

HS!
_________________________
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
- Josh Billings

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#192227 - 10/05/06 07:31 PM Re: haha [Re: Nidhogg]
redheadgrl Offline


Registered: 09/24/06
Posts: 273
Quote:

Thats what your fear of skydaddy amounts to.




skydaddy-that is terrific!

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#192228 - 10/06/06 12:17 AM Re: Killing My Own Conscience [Re: Broken_Scale]
Quiddity Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 05/26/04
Posts: 2021
Loc: CA
Posting under the name "Sheep" in a Satanic forum makes me question whether you're even salvageable. That's pretty stupid.

The root of what you're looking for will be found by growing the balls to read what you've been told not to, and interpret it without crutches. If you can do this, you might find your priorities changing from institutional to individual--or not.

How did the Satanic Bible strike you?
_________________________
Obscurum per Obscurius: Ignotum per Ignotius.

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#192229 - 10/06/06 12:31 AM I am a Wikkan [Re: TrojZyr]
Quiddity Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 05/26/04
Posts: 2021
Loc: CA
Quote:

Wikkans

They worship Wikipedia?




TrojZyr, you get massive coolpoints. That was a legendary retort.
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Obscurum per Obscurius: Ignotum per Ignotius.

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