Many, many people have quotations in the signatures, so, shall we share our favorite "on topic" quotes with each other?
I'll get the ball rolling with a quote from one of my all time favorite authors.

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when
there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before".
Mae West

"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter"?
Woody Allen

One of my favorites quotes, I use often with clients and pushy sales people.

“Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.” Dr. Bruce Banner/The Hulk

"Why am I calling you by your first names? I don't even know you. I still call my boss "Mister", and I've been working for him for seven years, but all of a sudden I walk in here and I'm calling you Rick and Sheila like we're in some kind of AA meeting... I don't want to be your buddy, Rick. I just want some breakfast". Bill Foster/Falling Down

"You see this? This is My BOOMSTICK!" Ash/Army Of Darkness

"Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a Peanut Butter Cup or an English Toffee. But they're gone too fast and the taste is... fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is an empty box... filled with useless brown paper wrappers."

~ William B. Davis (Cigarette-Smoking Man)
waxing cynical in The X-Files
["Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man," Season 4]

"Some motherfuckers always try to ice skate uphill." - Blade, the first movie.

"Mr. Crowley, won't you ride my white horse, oh Mr. Crowley, it's symbolic of course."

Ozzy Osbourne

It's hard to pick any one Einstein quote, but if I had to it would be this:

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
--Albert Einstein

"Icing happen when the puck come down, bang you know, before the other guys. Nobody there, you know. My arm go comes out then the game stop, then start up."

-Denis Lemieux, Slap Shot.

"Remember, the enemy's gate is down." -Ender Wiggin to his troops before battle, from Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

-Chess

"When in doubt, fuck" - Al Pacino's character, Lt. Col. Frank Slade, in Scent of a Woman.

And if I'm not mistaken, the censored television version is "When in doubt, make love."

Or,

"Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns, or second-hand Steinways, but what's between them...passport to heaven." - Also Lt. Col. Frank Slade.

Not really 'on topic' but,
Spike Milligan's gravestone:

'I told you I was ill...'

I like Spike Milligan, big fan of The Goon Show

I always thought this was rather beautiful:

"There are not many persons who know what wonders are opened to them in the stories and visions of their youth; for when as children we learn and dream, we think but half-formed thoughts, and when as men we try to remember, we are dulled and prosaic with the poison of life. But some of us awake in the night with strange phantasms of enchanted hills and gardens, of fountains that sing in the sun, of golden cliffs overhanging murmuring seas, of plains that stretch down to sleeping cities of bronze and stone, and of shadowy companies of heroes that ride caparisoned white horses along the edges of thick forests; and then we know that we have looked back through the ivory gates into that world of wonder which was ours before we were wise and unhappy."
H.P. Lovecraft
"Celephaïs"

Lovecraft, another fantastic writer

When asked by a news reporter at the 6-6-06 event.

Is this something you apply to your everyday life?

"That would be like asking me if Satanism affects my life. I affect life by being a Satanist."
-Magister Rex Diabolos Church

"Women get all excited about nothing, and then they marry them."
--Cher

"(The lover says:) How beautiful you are, now that you love me."
--Marlene Dietrich

"That's what love is like. One person cries a lot and then they both get sarcastic."
--Author Lorrie Moore in "Anagrams"

In honour of lost loves...

I don't know anything about cars but the (now five year old) advert read something like...

"1964 Austin-Healey 3000, partly refurbished but unassembled, selling as a “project”. $6k."

I'd name that as one of my favourite quotes.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. -George Bernard Shaw

"Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun." - Ash, Army of Darkness

Here are my two favorite quotes:

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." Mae West

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of." Benjamin Franklin

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.


Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

Genius is born--not paid.

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.

I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is fatal.

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.

There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.

The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated.

When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

I can resist anything but temptation.

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

But what is the difference between literature and journalism?
...Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible.

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.

Best,

Torquemada

I don't know the source of this quote, but it is one of my favorites.

"It is better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you are not."

Hail Satan!

Along the same vein:

I recall reading something by the Good Doktor where he said:

"I refuse to die because it would only make My enemies happy" (Something along those lines) I never forgot it.

I just have to say - GREAT QUOTE!! GREAT BOOK!!

I'll quote my favorite song by perhaps my favorite singer of all time:

"For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows
I took the blows
and did it my way!"

"My Way" - Frank Sinatra

I collect tons of quotes, but these are certainly among my top favorites:

"When your mind becomes obsessed with anything, you will filter everything else out, and see that thing everywhere you look." - p

"If you think there's a solution, then you're part of the problem." - George Carlin

"Christianity's such an odd religion. The whole image is: eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love." - Bill Hicks

"I find enough mystery in mathematics to satisfy my spiritual needs." - Tom Lehrer

"'Love All' only works in tennis." - Solution to a word problem from a MENSA puzzle calendar

"Nobody's 'happy'! Happiness comes in small doses, folks. It's a cigarette or a chocolate chip cookie or a 5 second orgasm...that's IT. OK?!" - Denis Leary

"Takes more than combat gear to make a man, takes more than a license for a gun. Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can. A gentleman will walk but never run." - Sting

"There is nothing in the world more interesting to me than my orgasm, and nothing in the world LESS interesting to me than yours."- Dennis Miller

"If you're not thinking you had better be feeling. If you are thinking you had better stop."

". . . who cut their wrists three times successfully unsuccessfully, gave up and were forced to open antique stores where they thought they were growing old and cried, . . ."

"I don't think one can avoid irrationality when one is young if one is planning to enjoy it when one is old."

"The age when you begin to understand dance is same as that at which you start to lose your elevation."

are thinking you had better stop."

". . . who cut their wrists three times successfully unsuccessfully, gave up and were forced to open antique stores where they thought they were growing old and cried, . . ."

"I don't think one can avoid irrationality when one is young if one is planning to enjoy it when one is old."

"The age when you begin to understand dance is same as that at which you start to lose your elevation."

"The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you."

"And oft though wisdom wake, suspicion sleeps
At wisdom's gate, and to simplicity
Resignes her charge, while goodness thinks no ill
Where no ill seems"

I have one of my fav Wonka quotes in my signature.

I own this movie on dvd, one of my favorites.

"Snozzberries, who ever heard of a snozzberry?" Wonka-"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams."

"Mr. Salt finally got what he wanted." - Grandpa
"What's that?" - Charlie
"Veruca went first."

"Homosexuals can't swim, they attract enemy radar, they attract sharks, they nudge people when they're trying to shoot, they always insist on sitting at "The Captain's Table"... they "muck about". Imagine... the fear... when you go to sleep with a gay man on board and think "Oh God, when I wake up, will everyone be dead?" You can't run a ship like that."

- Chris Morris in an episode of 'Brass Eye'.

Brasseye, gotta love it!

Post deleted by LKRice

The thing that the press completely missed the point on with that episode in particular is that it was entirely devised to be a satire on the hysterical media circus that goes with reporting about paedophilia. Chris Morris couldn't have hoped for a more fitting reaction to underline the point he was trying to make.

Once again, the unchanging fact of life is highlighted for all to see. People really are THAT stupid.

Where is fancy bred? In the heart or in the head?
~Willy Wonka

From Draven's signature. I absolutely love that quote.

“Tell me where is fancy bred?
In the heart or in the head?”
is originally from Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice.

My two favourite quotations are also from Shakespeare:

“This above all, to thine own self be true” – Hamlet.

“We are the makers of manners” – Henry V.

Another one that just hit me:

"The only greatness for a man is immortality" - James Dean

And of course the quote from "MIGHT IS RIGHT" that is in my signature.

"Yeah whatever. Whatever the fuck ever."

Alonzo Harris (Denzel Washington)- Training Day.

Shawshank Redemption
Morgan Freeman (Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding): Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

I've too many to pick one favourite, but this is a recent one:

"I want you to remember, Clark... in all the years to come... in your most private moments... I want you to remember my hand at your throat... I want you to remember the one man who beat you..."

Batman to Superman in "The Dark Knight Returns".

(While taking all of my change out of my pocket and throwing it on the ground)
"I hate being all jingly!" - Myself

"If I had a list of all the things I hate about Los Angeles, drivers will be number one." - Myself

"Ooohh. Satan." - Some random hot chick looking at my Baphomet necklace.

"I'm the shit! - Myself

(While a random crackhead asks me if I've seen his friend.)
"Get away from me!" - Myself

"I don't go out on dates and stupid shit like that. Fuck taking a girl out to the movies and a dinner and spending money and shit. Then when you drop her off, she's going to call up some other n**** and fuck him while you go home and beat it.

Fuck that! All I have to do is call her up, ask her what beer she likes and tell her to come over my house. When she comes over, it's just me in some shorts and a couple of six packs. Then it's on!" - Myself talking to my friend about dating.

HS!

Willpower

Recognising that the power of will is the supreme court over all other departments of my mind. I will exercise it daily when I need the urge to action for any purpose; and I will form habits designed to bring the power of my will into action at least once daily.

BRUCE LEE

I was watching "The Departed" last night and Jack Nicholson's character said something that just had Me rolling.

"I haven't needed money since I stole Archie's milk money in the 4th grade. I don't eat pussy either. But I tell ya what, I still like it!"

Priceless on so many levels. And, as a Satanist I like the fact that it goes to show - pursuit of life is not in merely surviving, but getting what you want while you're here!

Oh, come *on*. Revelation was a mushroom dream that belonged in the
Apocrypha. The New Testament is basically about what happened when God got
religion.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

Even more favorites:

“But what is so alarming about laughter?”
“Laughter kills fear, and without fear there can be no faith, because without fear of the Devil there is no more need of God.”
– Name of the Rose (1986)

"If Adam and Eve did not exist, and consequently there wasn't a fall from grace, what need would there be for Jesus to die for our sins?"
"This argument sounds to me like someone saying, 'Isn't it great that people get cancer? Otherwise, there would be no need to save them with chemotherapy!'"
- talkorigins.org monthly feedback posts

"Debate is an art form. It is about the winning of arguments. It is not about the discovery of truth. There are certain rules and procedures to debate that really have nothing to do with establishing fact [...] never say anything positive about your own position because it can be attacked, but chip away at what appear to be the weaknesses in your opponent’s position. [creationists] are good at that. I don’t think I could beat the creationists at debate. I can tie them. But in courtrooms they are terrible, because in courtrooms you cannot give speeches. In a courtroom you have to answer direct questions about the positive status of your belief. We destroyed them in Arkansas. On the second day of the two-week trial we had our victory party!”
- Stephen Jay Gould

"When I entered college I was thinking of majoring in English, but that would have required reading far too many books, too few of which I might possibly enjoy. I was also considering majoring in chemistry, but there were all those labs and smells to contend with. Math was much easier. There were frequent homework assignments, so I didn't really have to study for the exams, because if you'd done the homework, you pretty much knew the material. There were no labs, no long reading lists, and no term papers to put off as long as possible. Perfect for a lazy student."
- Tom Lehrer

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book"

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy"

"You'd better beat it. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff".

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know".

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five"

The one and only
Groucho Marx

My favorite:

"Life transcends meaning. If someone's seeking the meaning of life, it implies to me that their life must be pretty meaningless"-Boyd Rice

"If you have it, you don't need it. If you need it you don't have it. If you have it you need more of it. If you have more of it, you don't need less of it. You need it to get it. And you certainly need it to get more of it. But if you don't already have any of it to begin with, you can't get any of it to get started, which means you really have no idea how to get it in the first place. Do you? You can share it, sure. You can even stock pile it if you'd like. But you can't fake it. Wanting it. Needing it. Wishing for it. The point is, if you've never had any of it, ever, people just seem to know." ~Bruce Campbell

I'm glad I was holding my full to the top cup of orange juice in my hand and not drinking when I read those quotes.

I can't help picturing Groucho with cigar in hand and eyebrows rising speaking those words.

This is one of the funniest quotes I've found in a long time, and also another clear example(as if one needs more) of why proponents of creationism are not merely funny, but SCARY:

"We really have dinosaurs today, without any question. You just need the right weather conditions, as I see it, to get huge creatures. And in the ocean, of course, we have huge creatures....this is where the plesiosauruses seem to be today, and perhaps also this fire breathing dragon is still down there -- very rare, but occasionally there."

--Rev. Walter Lang
Founder,
Bible-Science Association


Sometimes, when it rains hard enough, or weather conditions are otherwise just right, one can find megalodons performing the breaststroke with perfect form in the puddles of my driveway.
If I pray hard enough, faeries will usually come and scare them away before any sharks get the chance to swim into my well.


HS!

"Shit, if you want to go to heaven, DIE! And stop bugging people."
- Redd Foxx

"Why be boring? Have some fun. Rock shows should be like movies: I don't go to a movie hoping it'll change my life. When I saw 'Jaws 3', it wasn't a great movie, but it was worth the seven bucks to see the shark eat the helicopter. It was a wonderful waste of time."
- Alice Cooper

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone."
- Bill Cosby

"Evolution...which is a load of crap. The scientists with their 'theories' and their 'facts'. That's nonsense. Everybody knows it was a talking snake in a tree. We all know that! It wasn't this long, protracted evolutionary process. It was a talking snake in a tree."
- David Cross

"Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off! He's a tight-ass! He's a SADIST! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!"

John Milton (Al Pacino)
"The Devil's Advocate"

"I am a sinner and I like the way it feels."

this must be my favorite one.... Look at the sig.

This one, forever :

"There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know that I am mad."

Veni, vidi, vici.
(I came, I saw, I conquered)
- Julius Caesar

I am currently putting together the next Newsletter of a local animal welfare group, and was gathering a few quotations, which are very useful space-fillers. I found this one.

The haughty, the unconquered, the mysterious, the luxurious, the Babylonian, the impersonal, the eternal companion of superiority and art – the type of perfect beauty and the brother of poetry – the bland, grave, competent and patrician cat. H.P.Lovecraft 1890-1937

Quote:

---

“Tell me where is fancy bred?
In the heart or in the head?”
is originally from Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice.

---

Thank you, Priestess Graham.

Another one I really like is the one in Warlock Leviathan's signature:

"As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be - warfare without end!"

I will not be a victim of this world.
This world will be MY victim.
-Myself

The translation is poor- If someone's got the litterate one, thank you in advance.

"In these tring times, one should grant his contempt parsimoniously, for the needy are plentifull"

François René, vicomte de Chateaubriand in Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe

"En ces temps difficiles, il convient d'accorder notre mépris avec parcimonie, tant nombreux sont les nécessiteux."


"Share something you like with someone you love and you will feel very good.
- Wrong! Then I'll only have half of it, and it will feel half as good as I could have felt
- All you have to do is buy twice as much to start with."

Me and my sister talking.

Quote:

---

" *We* are the music makers... and *we* are the dreamers of dreams."

---

That quote always causes my thoughts to roam to a few rather exceptional people whom I've had the pleasure of knowing. I'm quite pleased to see others quote it as well.



And here is part of my favorite song, by Tool:


"[...]

I sold my soul to make a record, dipshit.
And -you- bought one!

[...]

So shut up and

Buy my new record!
Send more money!"





.

"Mine is the Earth and the Sword in the Stone,
Mine is the Throne for the Idol,
One fleeting moment and it's all gone;
Crownless again, will I fall?"

- Crownless, Nightwish

From Douglas Adams "In the beginning, the universe was created. This has widely been regarded as a bad move."

"The first thing i like in the morning is a hot pot of coffee. Oh, i've tried other enemas, but thier just not the same..." Emo Philips.

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless i buy something." Jackie Mason.

And a more serious, tragic quote: "We will only have peace when the Arabs love thier children more than they hate us." Golda Meir.

Here's one of my all time favorites. I don't know who coined the phrase, but it's so true:

"Nice guys do not finish last; they do not finish at all."

"Work smarter, not harder. But, remember, working smart will always be dirtier than working hard."
-My Uncle

"All you get out of convincing an idiot, is an idiot convinced"
I have no idea who's quote that is, but I've been using it a lot lately. Anybody know?

"Wisdom is not communicable. The wisdom which a wise man tries to communicate always sounds foolish... Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it."

HERMANN HESSE, Siddhartha

"What I always hated and detested and cursed above all things was this contentment, this healthiness and comfort, this carefully preserved optimism of the middle classes, this fat and prosperous brood of mediocrity."

HERMANN HESSE, Steppenwolf

''You can't buy beauty, even Marilyn Monroe had cosmetic surgery on her nose and chin, and she also changed her front teeths, but it's still her inner beauty that we like, isn't it?! - so to be lovely has nothing to do with what skin we are born in, it's all about the inside'' - qoute by me ( Silly I know )

But I'm strong enough to take a shit lol

Beauty is only skin deep.

"A balm for the ugly, who cannot help but harbor hosility because of their condition. The plain and ugly often mask hostility behind an unctuous or affable facade which is sometimes mistaken for 'inner beauty'." - Anton Szandor LaVey (The Devil's Notebook).

Very true, but often they also do the opposite, they just act plain hostile.

I love people for their brains. It is the brain that makes the person; I love intelligence, wit, large amounts of humor and talent. I cannot, however, deal with people that have no respect for themselves.

Natural ugliness is one thing; lack of care is another. Overweight people turn me off immediately, because I think on sight that they can't care about themselves, or they wouldn't have let themselves get so goddamn fat in the first place. People that don't wash, that wear extremely baggy or dark clothing, or ever try to be attractive at all turn me off. People that know that they are not attractive and spout some BS about how they "want people to love me for me" will never get anyone worthwhile, because no one worthwhile (like myself) would even approach them in the first place!

My point is, some people may have delightful minds and truly be "beautiful" on the inside -- but most decent, self-respecting people will never know. The only people that will know, will be people that don't appreciate it, because they, also, lack self-respect.

They'll never respect me, if they can't muster some dignity up for themselves. Why bother?

I notice that you edited your post. In any event, what does this mean?:

Quote:

---

But I'm strong enough to take a shit lol

---

So are infants.

Sure, and they also admit it lol

I love people for their brains.

I think that's a quote from Hannibal Lecter.

Another quote I like.

''Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized'' - Albert Einstein

If so, then that's a good quote.

"By visually measuring the wrinkles in the front of your pants,
calculating your body mass based on your height and weight,
and dividing that number by your waist size --
I conclude that you have absolutely nothing in your pocket and are, in fact, glad to see me."

Author ? ? --

"What profit has not that fable of Christ brought us!"

- Pope Leo X

I am bring this one back to the top.

I just remembered one of my favorite quotes from Richard Feynman.

"Mathematics is to physics as masturbation is to sex."

Also I have good quotes in my signature below.

>> "Mathematics is to physics as masturbation is to sex."

Yeah, I've heard that one. I hate it.

I like that quote, but I would never claim math to be boring and pointless. Math has far more applications than just physics.

I like the quote because it is funny and because it has pissed off every math major I have ever met.

The one attached to my signature, hence the use of this particular quote.

"Everything you say says something about you"

>>I guess Rutherford's quote about physics and "stamp collecting" has likewise pissed off a few physics majors.

I would not know. I am neither a math or physics major. I am one of those nasty engineering majors.

From the Star Wars game Knights of The Old Republic- "Query: Shall we kill something to cheer ourselves up, master?" -HK-47

Not that i'm a fan of his, but this one has a bit of a personal backstory...

"Man creates god in his own image."
-Karl Marx

"Once upon a time, in a faraway corner of the universe,
poured out and glistening in infinite solar systems,
there was a constellation on which clever animals invented knowledge.
It was the most arrogant and devious minute of 'world history':
but still only a minute.
After just a few breaths that nature took, the constellation froze, and the clever animals had to die.
Someone could invent a fable of that sort and still not illustrate adequately how wretched, how shadowy and volatile,
how purposeless and random human intellect appears within nature."

There are quite a few of them here, since I have truoble picking my favorite. I have a notebook in my study that I use for my personal thoughts and writings, and when I was in high school I covered it with my favorite quotes. These are a few of them, and I hope you all enjoy!



"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." -Dave Barry

"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet." -Dave Barry

"America has never been united by blood or birth or soil. We are bound by ideals that move us beyond our backgrounds, lift us above our interests and teach us what it means to be citizens." -George W. Bush (Also, this is the only thing he has ever said that I think has any wisdom to it... somebody else must have written this speech for him!)

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." -Sir Winston Churchill

"Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy." -Sir Winston Churchill

"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes." -Ronald Reagan (this was said during a microphone test at a radio station)

"The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself." -Garth Brooks

And my personal favorite:

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." -Mark Twain

I know I've already posted quite a few, but I always post this one when asked to and I forgot to include it!

"Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more." -Mark Twain

There are so many great statements that I cannot possibly pick an ultimate favorite, but heres a few that I have been mulling over recently.

----

"I," you say, and are proud of the word. But greater is that in which you do not wish to have faith - your body and its great reason: that does not say "I," but does "I."

The you is older than the I; the you has been pronounced holy, but not yet the I: so man crowds towards his neighbor.

A tablet of the good hangs over every people. Behold, it is the tablet of their overcomings; behold, it is the voice of their will to power.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

----

I've been quite the Nietzche enthusiast lately, always finding interesting statements in his works.

Proffesor Farnsworth: For instance, if you were to meet your own grandfather and kill him, you would cease to exist!

P.J. Fry: [GASP!] But existing is all that I basically do!

I have way too many to count but I've always liked these from Steven Wright

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game 'Monopoly'."

"What's another word for 'Thesaurus'?"

Let me take this in a slightly different direction for kicks and giggles...

Favourite Movie Quotes...in no particular order:

"Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?" American Psycho

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning..smells like..victory." Apocalypse Now

"The central message of Buddhism is not - Every Man For Himself." A Fish Called Wanda

"Never give up! Never surrender!" Galaxy Quest

"That's no moon. That's a space station." Star Wars

"I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen." Say Anything

"Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast." King Kong

"Coffee is for closers." Glengarry Glen Ross

"I don't like alarms, Mr. White." Resevoir Dogs

"Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" The Wizard of Oz

"Round up the usual suspects." Casablanca

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." The Usual Suspects

"We all go a little mad sometimes...haven't you? Psycho

"My name is Iñigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die" The princess bride.

I loooove that movie!

Plus I nail the accent down!! hahaha!

"Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had a no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."

Good Will Hunting

"If you're part of a crew, nobody ever tells you that they're going to kill you, doesn't happen that way. There weren't any arguments or curses like in the movies. See, your murders come with smiles, they come as your friends, the people who've cared for you all of your life. And they always seem to come at a time that you're at your weakest and most in need of their help. "

Ray Liotta, Goodfellas

"GO AWAY"!
~Magister Rose.

My favorite quote of all time comes from my favorite actor of the Horror genre, it's a quote I hold very true to my own life.

"A man who limits his interests, limits his life"

~Vincent Price

Batman: Alfred, I need a way to get in the asylum.

Alfred Pennyworth: Might I suggest, dressing up in tights and pretending you're a bat?
***************

Dr Ray Stantz: Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Sarcastically] That oughta do it. Thanks very much, Ray.
Gozer: [Evil voice] Are you a God?
Dr Ray Stantz: [Looks at Peter, Peter nods] No.
Gozer: Then... DIE!
[Electrocutes the Ghostbusters; pushing them to the edge of the apartment building; people below scream]
Winston Zeddemore: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a "God", you say "YES"!
***********************

Stuntman Mike: Well Pam, which way you goin' left or right?
Pam- segment 'Death Proof': Right.
Stuntman Mike: Ah, that's too bad.
Pam- segment 'Death Proof': Why?
Stuntman Mike: Well, because there was a 50/50 shot on whether you'd be going left. You see, we're both going left. You could have just as easily been going left too and if that was the case, it would have been awhile before you started getting scared. But since you're going the other way, I'm afraid you're gonna have to start getting scared... immediately.
*************************

Wray: That's my jacket. I looked for it for two weeks.
Cherry: You didn't look for me for two weeks.
Wray: The jacket belonged to me, you didn't.

"I will have one mistress here

and no master!" Queen Elizabeth I

The Illustrious ATHF:

Robot: You remember that Christmas, don't you?
Carl: No, I, you know, I remember eating carpet, but not so much the lasers and the robots though.
Robot: The war of man against machine raged on through the early 70s. You don't remember because back then it was only a prophecy, but now, in the future, the past has occurred.
Carl: Just hang on a second, okay?
Robot: Surely.
Carl: You're the ghost of Christmas past, right?
Robot: That is correct.
Carl: Okay, well, I mean, you know that it's February, right?
Robot: I am a robot.
Carl: Well, ya know, obviously. What are you, stupid?
Robot: W- Well no I -- I will see you in December. Tomorrow.

Nightbreed.

I'm an actor, see? There's a face beneath THIS FACE! I show you, then you take me!

-ripppppppp-

Arrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!

Ah, good one! Horror movie quotes are especially fun. These are more camp than horror but still good...

"It's a trick, get an ax." Army of Darkness

"Hallo. Vould you like a roll in ze hay? It's fun. Roll, roll, roll in ze hay!" Young Frankenstein

I LOVE this one. Recognized it from the first line as being from that movie. I'd have to list this as one of my all time favorite movies too. *note to self: write that down somewhere*

Ah, I think the math majors are being too short sighted (and perhaps the original author of the quote). Both masturbation AND sex are beautiful expressions of sexuality. Neither is superior, nor inferior, to the other--just different. I choose BOTH Math AND Physics, thank you very much.

"Naturally the common people don't want war: neither Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along...all you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

Hemann Goering, Commander In Chief of the Zuftwaffe at the Nuremberg trials.

I like yours better...especially the part about praying for faeries to scare the sharks away. But only if the weather is right. Very rare. WHAT a scream.

I put my favorite quote in my sig: "Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from." -Jodie Foster

This is one of my favorite quotes from Magister Svengali, he said it on this board sometime ago.

"I have only ONE thing to say to trendy brain-dead music-centered youth: “ARBEIT MACHT FREI” SHITHEADS – PULL UP YOUR STUPID PANTS AND FORM A LINE AT THE PLATFORMS, THE TRAINS WILL BE ARRIVING SOON."

"You just killed your girlfriend with a chain saw...does that sound finnnnne?"

Evil Dead 2

"Well thats BULLSHIT, i happen to be sharon stones cousin, i gotta win the Elections." Forgot the movies name, i think it was black-president or something.


"You bitch!" Legally Blonde part one.

"Cut me some slack here alright, go get urself a blowjob" Topgun.

"I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats".

"I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse".

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank"

"In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows".

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions".

"Marriage is the death of hope".

"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday".

"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast".

"Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing;
between 5 it's fantastic".

"Tradition is the illusion of permanance".

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred".


Woody Allen

All taken from one of My most favourite movies of ALL TIME...

Steel Magnolia's. (Which by the way I feel is a highly SATANIC movie). This is of course, My personal opinion.







~Clairee Belcher

Ouiser Boudreaux





~Truvy

Ouiser Boudreaux

~ Ouiser Boudreaux

~Ouiser Boudreaux

~Clairee Belcher

~Clairee Belcher

~Truvy

~Ouiser Boudreaux

This topic belongs in the humor forum

They seek him here, they seek him there
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere
Is he in heaven or is he in hell?
That demned elusive Pimpernel

- Scarlet Pimpernel Lyrics HA HA

Ahahahahah!

I always pictured you and I as those two in our twilight years. Which one is WITCH? (Yes, pun and spelling intended).

I don't know.

Ahahahah!

gypsy = Ouiser