The Oldest Game In TownWhat makes threads like these particularly amusing is the fact that it's akin to watching people try to hold a conversation next to a construction zone replete with jackhammers.
Somehow, the message seems to get lost in all the noise.

Someone new comes along and makes statements or asks "questions" (usually assertions masquerading as questions) about Satanism, and the exchange typically proceeds as follows:
Q: So, you Satanists believe _________, do you? <optional: insert thinly-veiled derogatory remark here>
A: No, my opinion is __________.
Q: Oh I see, in other words you believe __________, then.
A: No, my opinion is __________.
Q: Maybe I'm not making myself clear. My goal here is to take whatever you say, misinterpret it and restate it in a manner which reinforces my misconceptions.
A: Go away.
Look familiar? It should.
It's the oldest game in town.
Bible BeltHow would I know? Well, there's a story...
Once upon a time, when I first came here, I played the same game.
I didn't know diddly squat about what Satanism actually is, but relied instead on the popular mythos surrounding Satanism -- which, as it turns out, is hopelessly wrong.
Thus when I arrived in these fine forums, I might just as well have been talking about the ins and outs of animal husbandry, because pretty much everything I had to say or even ask about Satanism was so far off the mark that the prospects for mutual understanding were very grim indeed.
Fortunately, I was given good advice by helpful members, which I will repeat here for convenience:
FOR THE LOVE OF SATAN, JUST READ THE GOD-DAMNED SATANIC BIBLE!!!That's not a call to join the Legions of the Damned, but rather practical advice which is essential to follow if you want to be able to intelligently discuss Satanism.
In my case, I took the advice and read
The Satanic Bible. I laughed, I cried, but most of all, it was the feel-good book of the summer.
The best part: I learned what Satanism is.

And that, my friends, is a lesson I will
never forget.
The Satanic Bible is cheap, easy to find and even easier to read. It's also amusing as hell (literally) and can even prove life-changing for those who may be surprised to see the stories of their lives inscribed in its infernal pages.
Read it now, and thank me later.
