Oh, I forgot to tell you all that I was the other day in the Vatican, and I found by chance in a bin some documents. One of the documents was a job description, used by RCRC to screening candidates to the throne of Rome. RCRC is “Respectable Crooks Recruitment Company”.
So, I was able to have a look at the job description of a Roman Pope. Next time I will include one using the Hays system, lol.
Overview: We are currently looking for a candidate to join our growing team of senior crooks in Rome. Basically, we need a CEO (Crooks Executive Officer), AKA as POPE.
The role includes:
-Working in several vertical market sectors: get new adepts in ignorant countries of Africa and Asia. Illiteracy is our best ally. The disbandment of converts in the Western world must be balanced with the aperture of a solid new market in Africa and Asia.
-Working in Specific countries in close collaboration with Sales Administrators (Bishops) and the Marketing department (Theologians): Thailand, after the Tsunami, is the perfect scenario. God has showed his wrath. Fear him, join us, and get a free voucher to our heaven for idiots. Free shot of Mekong and a take away for all the fools who sign up with us.
- Public relations work: it comes with a free tank with a window, to avoid the candidate being shot due to his popularity, as it happened in the past.
Candidate Profile: Ideally a multilingual bastard, with at least 20 years of experience in Sales Administration, and familiar with the SPIN selling method: Stupid People Indoctrination for Narrow minded idiots. The candidate must be able to lie with conviction, be able to speak shamelessly about contradictions with total confidence, must be prepared to defend fellow paedophiles and corruptors with a smile while giving a blessing to a crowd of retards, and has to be utterly unshockable
This candidate must be happy working in a dynamic, multinational, and energetic team.
Achieve or exceed sales targets by selling our support services to existing customers: get inheritances through emotional blackmail, violate the secret of confession, convince idiots with a religious bend to make donations, etc.
1. Standard Services: tithes during and after mass: we offer them the possibility of going to heaven.
2. Elite Services: Donations above 5000$. We will make sure they go to heaven.
3. Premium Services: Whole inheritance or donation over 100000$. We will take them to heaven in our limousine, free blow job by a beautiful nun, and free absolutions for all you can do in life, no matter how bad it is. Feel safe¡¡¡¡ Have peace of mind, we will repay you in Paradise¡¡¡¡
Develop relationships with key customer contacts on named accounts within specific verticals: hide from public knowledge our shares in the condoms industry, for example.
Proactively seek out new maintenance service opportunities within accounts by talking to customers and internal account managers: organisation of new schools to brainwash people, charities to get more revenue, etc
Pass our tests to join our secret school for paedophiles, tricksters, deceivers and bastards.
Customer Focus – always demonstrates a desire to help and serve customers to meet their needs (death). Is proactive, responsive, and focused on discovering, anticipating, and meeting the customer’s needs by leveraging internal resources and/or external alliances. Focus on the creation of a new TV serial called: Adam and Eve are still alive.
Package and benefits:
- Base salary, plus commission: doing fucking nothing for the rest of your life
OTE will vary according to level and experience
- Private Pension (additional 5% of base salary) : free supply of hosts and mass wine forever.
- Private Medical cover provided by the descendants of DR.Mengele.
- Private Dental Insurance for free given by the tortures department of the Spanish Inquisition.
- Life Insurance provided by GOD, to be paid in PARADISE
- Highly rewarding sexual life provided by nuns, priests, whores, and dumb converts.
- High quality white robe: wanna be like Gandalf?