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#23884 - 02/02/04 04:06 AM Perfectionism
Max Rose Offline


Registered: 11/17/03
Posts: 285
I have found that I am an obsessive perfectionist. I am such a perfectionist that I wasnt able to admit to myself that I was a perfectionist. My girlfriend had to point it out to me, which was when I responded "NO! I am not a perfectionist, if I was, then this song would be perfect! BUT JUST LISTEN TO IT!!!," which was when I realized.

I have found that this actually lessens my enjoyment in life because I have a tendency to over analyze things to the point where they lose their magic. By working overly hard to make things greater so that I can enjoy them more, I take away from my enjoyment of things in the process. I am pretty sure that many of you can relate to this because it seems that one of the pitfalls of satanists is being overly critical sometimes of themselfs and others.

So my question is this, how do you personally strike a balance between striving for perfection and loosening up to enjoy things?

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#23885 - 02/02/04 04:17 AM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
Josephine007 Offline
CoS Priestess

Registered: 01/31/04
Posts: 620
Loc: Zero Point Field
So my question is this, how do you personally strike a balance between striving for perfection and loosening up to enjoy things?

Satan have mercy! I have been working on that myself.

To be honest, I have found that most of the time one strives to be perfect there is an underlying fear or concern about why something must be perfect. To dimiss it as being 'anal retentive' or 'having a good work ethic' is merely glossing over the issue.

Usually there is a deep dark ugly thing that is causing you to feel it necessary to be 'perfect' either for yourself or others.

To examine that and rip it sreaming and shrieking from your psyche provides great relief and you may suddenly loosen up just a bit. I can PM you the titles of some literature if you think you would find it helpful.
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#23886 - 02/02/04 04:59 AM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
Kurgan Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 06/28/01
Posts: 2441
Loc: Land of the Midnight Sun
So my question is this, how do you personally strike a balance between striving for perfection and loosening up to enjoy things?

That's kind of a hard question to answer since it's never been something I've had to struggle with. You'll probably receive replies on the usual order of "it's the striving for perfection that makes one great, not the realization of an impossible standard yada yada yada...", but when perfection becomes a compulsion and interferes with your enjoyment of life and acceptance of self then it definitely becomes a psychological issue worthy of examination.

The way I strike that balance is basically the same as my approach to life itself. I am happy but will probably never be content. I enjoy life to the fullest but there will always be something more to achieve on the next horizon. Similarly, I derive satisfaction from performing to the best of my ability but I also know that it's natural to reflect on what you have done and think of ways it could have been done better. Instead of lamenting over your defeat, take what you have learned in victory and use it to propel yourself to even greater glory in the future (yada yada yada...)
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#23887 - 02/02/04 05:20 AM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Kurgan]
Kurgan Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 06/28/01
Posts: 2441
Loc: Land of the Midnight Sun
Also, refer to Nemo's remarks concerning "self" in the Satanism and Demonology thread.
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#23888 - 02/02/04 05:58 AM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
Ringu Offline


Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 144
Loc: NRW, Germany, Earth
I often cant choose the right balance - i try to work with a problem until it is gone/resolved - whatever. But this often annoys me. I think if you be so much perfectionist that you annoys yourself then its not the right balance.
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#23889 - 02/02/04 06:09 AM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
Wile_E_Quixote Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 03/14/02
Posts: 2493
Perfectionism is subjective. A perfectionist strives to create what is perfection to them. It is a self-imposed rule system. If you're striving for your idea of perfection then you're setting your own rules, deadlines and procedures, but also you're the one responsible for taking the fun out of your life. It's a compulsion and it would be a good idea for you to try and agressively teach yourself to learn when to stop.

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#23890 - 02/02/04 07:12 AM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
RobertE Offline


Registered: 08/31/03
Posts: 607
Loc: Michigan
One of the reasons I am so lazy is do to my perfectionism. If I start to do something, it will be done under my exactingly high standards, and I won't stop until I know it's been finished.

I have to force myself not to be a perfectionist at my job, dropping a car off a wrecker is like horseshoes and handgrenades... perfect is great, but close enough works just as well.
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#23891 - 02/02/04 08:34 AM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
Anonymous
Unregistered


About 10 years ago I realized that the supernumerary effort I was putting into my work was causing other aspects of my such as enjoyment of the work to diminish. I found that just recognizing the quandary was a big part of my solution. Of course, I am an individual and what worked for me obviously may not provide the same benefits to you.

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#23892 - 02/02/04 10:27 AM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
CPayne Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 02/15/03
Posts: 984
Loc: Fargo, ND.......no, it's not l...
Look at whatever it is you're doing and ask yourself this:

"Does this need to be perfect?"

"Will it ultimately matter if I spend ump-teen hours getting this perfect or is it good enough the way it is?"

"Will the annoyance of getting this perfect kill the satisfaction of finally (you hope) reaching perfection?"

Having had some experience with what you're talking about, you just need to learn to let go and realize that, no, with a lot of things, it won't matter in the long run if it's perfect or not. And once you come to that realization......stop. Just stop trying to perfect whatever it is and leave it be.

That's not to say you go off the other side of the spectrum and become a slacker that only does enough to get by, mind you.

It's all about balance.

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#23893 - 02/02/04 12:06 PM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
Bill_M Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 07/28/01
Posts: 11560
Loc: New England, USA
I find that the perfectionist attitude sometimes happens when the real goals and deadlines of my project aren't clear. Basically, I usually won't know what "done" is if I don't define it before hand. Also, I think most perfectionists are afraid of putting a rough-draft of their project together, thinking that it's just a waste of time since it won't be the final project anyway. But getting a tangible result along the way, even if it's supposed to be half-assed (a rough draft of a book or article, a band's 4-track demo, etc.) can be quite rewarding and inspiring.
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#23894 - 02/02/04 12:16 PM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/25/01
Posts: 12990
Loc: The Solid State
You're playing my song. I too am a perfectionist, raised by a perfectionist, who was raised by a perfectionist. On one hand, it means I aim for a higher standard in most things than many people, so I produce good work. The bad news is, I can fret myself to death making sure stuff is perfect.

I occasionally have to remind myself that X activity is just for fun, or that I already do it well enough, or that people aren't scrutinizing me as much as I'm scrutinizing me. I need to remember that my standards are already much higher than most people's, so my idea of crap is lots of people's idea of perfection already.

I actually was able to do some fun colouring a few months ago, the pictures turned out nice, and I got in touch with my easy-going, unperfectionistic inner child. (My college had an anti-stress week, with various stations at which you could colour in colouring books, make bead necklaces, do origami, draw, etc.
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#23895 - 02/02/04 09:19 PM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
Anonymous
Unregistered


I think one of the main pitfalls of seeking perfectionism is the failure to recognise the fear of guilt and shame that lie within it's motivation as such.

For me personally, I guess the one thing that stands out in my mind is a motivational seminar I attended when I returned to university as a mature-age student. A speech in which was introduced the idea that you don't have to get high distinctions in every subject to get your degree - all you have to do is pass. That there is no shame in being average. To remember that if you set your goals too high then you are also setting yourself up for devestation and disappointment should you fail to acqire them.

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#23896 - 02/02/04 10:09 PM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Max Rose]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Quote:

So my question is this, how do you personally strike a balance between striving for perfection and loosening up to enjoy things?




How do you balance any other transition in your life? You wouldn't go into the bedroom with the same mindset that you entertain at your parent's house and vice versa. It basically comes down to focus of will over your own behavior. You already realize that you have issues with perfection, that is a giant step in the direction of growth. I don't see shame in admitting one's weaknesses, but in self-destructive denial. But now what will you do with it?

It's going to require a conscious effort on your part for a while to recondition yourself and of course the effort you put into this will determine your success. I would suggest that you intentionally mix into your day some activities that don't usually draw out your vice...something that you don't particularly agonize over. Put that in between something else that you do and do this often throughout the week. Gradually, you'll see yourself flowing easier between one state of mind from another more critical one as the current project demands.

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#23897 - 02/02/04 11:41 PM Re: Perfectionism [Re: Bill_M]
Max Rose Offline


Registered: 11/17/03
Posts: 285
Quote:

find that the perfectionist attitude sometimes happens when the real goals and deadlines of my project aren't clear. Basically, I usually won't know what "done" is if I don't define it before hand.




This is an excellent point and something that I had not even considered. Very insightfull.

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#23898 - 02/02/04 11:45 PM Re: Perfectionism [Re: RobertE]
Max Rose Offline


Registered: 11/17/03
Posts: 285
This is a problem that I have as well. Amassing the kind of energy required to make a project to the caliber that I desire is not an easy task. I am still working on that one, but I have found that in general cardio-vascular excersise is helping with this. If I am in shape I am constantly full of energy and ready to tackle even the most daunting task.

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