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#27734 - 02/23/04 02:12 AM Love Vs. Success
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'm in quite a sour pickle.

I'm 17 years old, just graduated high school, and have two choices:

Classes at the local college start in August. I don't know exactly what I want to end up doing, but I think now is a good time to take a philosophy class (For personal enlightenment) and some prerequisite classes such as Math and English. I'd like to get those out of the way while I'm contemplating my career-decision. I'd like to be a writer very much, and it seems like Philosophy would be something good for me to aspire in so that I may get a better perspective on the world. English is another obvious choice.

My second option was suggested by my girlfriend who now lives in Missouri. She wants me to join her. I truely believe that I love her, as there are no doubts in my mind that I enjoy her companionship. I'm afraid, however, that my expidition to Missouri will undoubtedly conflict with my aspirations. I fear that I might not be as successful in my life as I would like to be if I were forced to hold off on schooling in order to establish a "happy home" for my lover and the family that may soon follow.

I suppose what I am feeling here is that I don't want to make the same mistake my parents made and end up with a broken home and lost dreams.

I would like some advice from some of you who have more experience than I do, and possibly have been through this same situation. Which is the suitable sacrifice, Love or Success?

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#27735 - 02/23/04 03:35 AM Re: Love Vs. Success
Felstorm Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 10/27/03
Posts: 1474
Loc: Minnesota.
Have both.

Find a college in Missouri.

Have your cake and eat it too.
_________________________
"Many people would sooner die than think - in fact, they do so." ~ Bertrand Russell

"“Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine.” ~ Nikola Tesla

Are You One of Us?

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#27736 - 02/23/04 04:06 AM Re: Love Vs. Success
Josephine007 Offline
CoS Priestess

Registered: 01/31/04
Posts: 620
Loc: Zero Point Field
If you were my child I would tell you a few things:

Many community colleges are great. They have smaller classes and the teachers are much more into teaching and working WITH the student vs at a college or university. (Just speaking from personal experience). Many of the teachers at the community college level are actually IN the business too, not just teaching about it. I found you learn more from them as they are in the trenches and can relay much more first hand experience about your chosen field.

Community colleges are also a nice place to explore different subject areas to get a feel for what you like and are interested in. I got my degree from a well known University but IF the community college I went to first had offered a 4 year degree I would have stayed there as I was so impressed with their teachers and the environment.

As far as love...

Love will be there whether you are or not. I was engaged before I went away to my first year of college and actually staid with him and was together another three years after I transfered back before we had a mutual break up. I would highly suggest you put yourself FIRST at this time because in my experience you grow ALOT during college and the two of you may just grow apart. I know that is what happened with my boyfriend back then. He isn't a bad guy and he didn't treat me badly but after spending several years becoming an adult and learning more about the world and things around me...we both just realized that we weren't right for each other as adults. It happens. *shrugs*

IF she truly loves YOU then she will understand and support your decision. But you are both young and (in my opinion) you need to come first now as it is MUCH easier to find love later then jump start a career.

Of course...a silver tongued devil may try and talk HER into moving back to where YOU are. Put HER to the test (if that is what this is to her). Marriage is about give and take, compromise and working together as a team. If you all can't do it here by finding a solution that is to BOTH your benefit..well then perhaps that should be a sign.

JUST my two cents since you asked. It is what I would tell MY son. (He has his first girlfriend so he got some good advice at dinner last night but he isn't to THIS point yet...lol...he is only 13).
_________________________
Josephine Seven
Cherchez La Femme
"Test Everything. Believe nothing."

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#27737 - 02/23/04 05:20 AM Re: Love Vs. Success [Re: Felstorm]
Prince_Satanicus Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 08/14/02
Posts: 1556
Loc: KNOXVILLE, Tennessee, (THE BLA...
Love should come after one is established and has something to offer a wife and children. Also as Josephine said people grow alot during college years so be sure before ya jump in the fire.
JUST MY TAKE ON IT.
DARK GREETINGS
DrkMasterPrince
_________________________
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
"The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity"

HAIL SATAN
HAIL ANTON LAVEY
HAIL ME

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#27738 - 02/23/04 09:56 AM Re: Love Vs. Success [Re: Josephine007]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thank you for the sound advice. You have been very helpful. Although people say money is not an issue when you are with one you love, I know different. Things will definately change and we will likely grow unhappy with each other I don't make something of myself. Thanks.

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#27739 - 02/23/04 10:00 AM Re: Love Vs. Success [Re: Felstorm]
Anonymous
Unregistered


The living situation I am in now makes going to the college here much easier. I pay very low rent due to the kind heart of a friend of mine, which means I won't be in a financial bind; whereas, if I were to go to Missouri, I would need to find a full-time job in order to pay for a house and get everything established for me and my girlfriend before I would be able to get into a college there. I'm afraid if I do that, I would be stuck in a spiral downwards, trapped in a job I dislike because it pays the bills, and never end up having enough time for school.

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#27741 - 02/23/04 10:54 AM Re: Love Vs. Success
MementoMori Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 07/14/01
Posts: 369
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
You seem to be on the right path, at least in terms of understanding this. Put yourself first, because if you make such a move and have to work "harder" (and less productively) to make ends meet, it will not be to your benefit. While I don't know the girl either, what if you went through this mess to move there and she changed on you? Met somebody else? Had a "change of heart"? Not to doubt either of your feelings, but such changes regularly happen, so be sure you are secure in yourself and your future before you would make such a move.

Take the advice of those who have given it here. A lot will change in your coming years, and quite often, they hold the potential to be the most exciting and life-changing years of your life. I just turned 22 yesterday. If my 22 year old self was able to talk to myself at 17, I would have a world of information, advice, and knowledge to share.

However, my 22 year old self would also find out that my 17 year old self would question everything he was told and tend to learn about life himself... including those times when he would "crash and burn" before he'd get back up to keep going.

So whatever you decide, be sure to properly think everything through and consider both the advantages and disadvantages... for yourself. Because you are the only person you can really control here.

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#27742 - 02/23/04 12:34 PM Re: Love Vs. Success
Old_Pig Offline


Registered: 11/27/02
Posts: 3968
Loc: The Deep South
Just an advice from an old pig:

At 17, what you think is love is probably just hormones. I'm 36 now and even with a great effort of memory I can't remember the name of that girl that was "the love of my life" when I was 17.

Don't find yourself in a few years regretting a decision taken with your heart (or other organs) rather than your brain.
_________________________
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.
Robert A. Heinlein


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#27743 - 02/23/04 12:57 PM Re: Love Vs. Success
Caesar Offline

CoS Warlock

Registered: 06/01/03
Posts: 2381
Do what is best for you . What would make you happiest? What would you regret least? What is more reliable or reasonable?

Working at getting one's self into the "ideal" situation before getting serious sounds good, but in reality you may forever be trying to get to that "ideal" (which is almost as fruitless as waiting for the "ideal" person to come into your life). Circumstances will always seem to favor one course of action from others, but it really comes down to what you want and what you actually choose to do (for good or bad).

May fortune smile upon you!

HS!
_________________________
www.vampiretemple.com
Are You One Of Us?

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#27744 - 02/23/04 01:25 PM Re: Love Vs. Success
Professor_Sinister Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 06/30/01
Posts: 752
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Quote:

...I'm afraid if I do that, I would be stuck in a spiral downwards, trapped in a job I dislike because it pays the bills, and never end up having enough time for school.




Sounds like you've already made up your mind.

...Still, sacrifice is rarely required as there are always more than *two* options.

Why does your girlfriend have to stay in Missouri? Isn't there somewhere to which you can both move that would be more harmonious with your goals? You don't need to be in either California or Missouri to be a writer, do you?

Perhaps there is somewhere with good schools and lower rent, or a job you can find which would pay the rent and allow you to hone your writing skills at the same time.


It never has to be a choice between "Love and Success". That's just a rumor that unhappy people like to spread.
_________________________
-30-

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#27745 - 02/23/04 03:53 PM Re: Love Vs. Success [Re: Professor_Sinister]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Quote:

It never has to be a choice between "Love and Success". That's just a rumor that unhappy people like to spread.




A tremendous ammount of unhappy people tend to back that rumor up. I only got one life. I don't think it's worth the risk. Thanks for the advice, though. I'll take it into consideration and try to come to a compromise.

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#27746 - 02/24/04 02:41 AM Re: Love Vs. Success [Re: Prince_Satanicus]
Felstorm Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 10/27/03
Posts: 1474
Loc: Minnesota.
True,

But a person should have something to offer from the get go. either way I wouldn't reccomend someone to forego the opportunity of the most financially windfalling experience of adulthood.

And with that I'll also say that book smarts aren't the only smarts in the world. The wealthiest people in the world usually went to college, and dropped out instead because they discovered a way to make millions. (Hint: Usually by finding some way to be very generous to a lot of people. They just give you lots money for that generosity.)
_________________________
"Many people would sooner die than think - in fact, they do so." ~ Bertrand Russell

"“Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine.” ~ Nikola Tesla

Are You One of Us?

The Glorious Infernal Empire

Top


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