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#278037 - 10/19/07 02:42 AM Satanic Pumpkin
Zezb Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 26
Loc: Atlantic Ocean
Last weekend, our family found itself swimming through a grotesque mass of people at a pumpkin farm. Our daughter is now at an age where she is really getting Halloween, and this would be her first foray into the Jack-O-Lantern foraging exercise.

While watching the throngs of people with vacuous pride wheeling out “glorious” pumpkins (too large to carry and oh so perfectly shaped as to require care beyond reason) my daughter asked, “How do you pick a pumpkin?” In an ultimate moment of clarity my wife said, “we pick our pumpkins based on the stem.” Only the most gnarly, gangly, hideous stems would do.

With baddest ass kicking stems one has ever laid their eyes upon, we strode out of the farm knowing we had the most Satanic pumpkins in the place…. leaving the herd to fight over their ideal shapes.

At the risk of losing some exclusivity on this pumpkin selection approach, I submit you pick your pumpkin based on the stem.

HS!

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#278041 - 10/19/07 02:56 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Zezb]
Jack_Lantern Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/06/05
Posts: 2785
Loc: America
Many stems are also cut off to close to the pumpkin itself and are therefore useless as lantern lid handles, be careful to avoid this!
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#278044 - 10/19/07 03:17 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Jack_Lantern]
Majic Offline


Registered: 04/05/06
Posts: 234
Loc: Sagittarius III
On the other hand, pumpkins with short stems are ideal for stomping.
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#278059 - 10/19/07 06:02 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Majic]
sinnersaint Offline


Registered: 10/12/07
Posts: 33
Loc: Rochester
I say a stomped pumpkin sitting on a doorstep would be the most satanic of all! :-)

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#278061 - 10/19/07 06:02 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: sinnersaint]
Evil_Eve Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 09/23/06
Posts: 4234
Loc: 1313 Mockingbird Lane
If it isn't your Pumpkin that you are stomping, I would call that vandalism.

And now, "Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey":

"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the person’s house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I’m gone, but you know what I’ve left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says “You.” After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done."



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Satan LIVES!
If you could....would YOU?



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Magistra Nadramia.

FEARED!
Revered.
YOU can be a voice for the voiceless.


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#278078 - 10/19/07 09:27 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Jack_Lantern]
XxCadrosxX Offline


Registered: 05/25/06
Posts: 45
Loc: Granite City, IL
Pumkins with short or no stems are also great to fire from pumkin cannons. The stem will sometimes get in the way when loading, firing or even effect its aerodynamics during flight. When I personaly fire pumkins at my neighbors I preffer to cut the stem off for more of a mortar style loading.

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#278080 - 10/19/07 09:59 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: XxCadrosxX]
Roho_the_Rooster Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 03/10/05
Posts: 6999
Loc: Pre-Apocalypolis
 Originally Posted By: XxCadrosxX
When I personaly fire pumkins at my neighbors I preffer to cut the stem off for more of a mortar style loading.



What's your address?
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#278084 - 10/19/07 10:04 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Roho_the_Rooster]
XxCadrosxX Offline


Registered: 05/25/06
Posts: 45
Loc: Granite City, IL
why someone firing pumpkins at you?

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#278086 - 10/19/07 10:14 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: XxCadrosxX]
Roho_the_Rooster Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 03/10/05
Posts: 6999
Loc: Pre-Apocalypolis
I just want to be prepared. Are you in the H Block or C Block?
_________________________
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces

http://theepicureandilettante.blogspot.com/

"Life is the only race you lose by reaching the end." - M.M.

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#278087 - 10/19/07 10:20 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Roho_the_Rooster]
XxCadrosxX Offline


Registered: 05/25/06
Posts: 45
Loc: Granite City, IL
I am in the SHU at a supermax \:\)

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#278088 - 10/19/07 10:29 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: XxCadrosxX]
H-I-T4 Offline


Registered: 09/26/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Texas
Thanks for sharing that Zezb, getting the perfect pumkin couldn't be easier.

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#278114 - 10/19/07 01:24 PM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Evil_Eve]
Majic Offline


Registered: 04/05/06
Posts: 234
Loc: Sagittarius III
The Old Stomping Grounds

 Originally Posted By: Evil_Eve
If it isn't your Pumpkin that you are stomping, I would call that vandalism.

*GASP*

I am wounded by even the slightest implication that I might be disposed to such casual villainy. \:o

Granted, there are far too many boorish hooligans (i.e., boys) who sully the grand tradition by thoughtlessly and illegally stomping the pumpkins of others.

A pox upon them, I say!

Self-respecting pumpkin-stompers bring their own, and for that, the hot tip is consulting with the proprietors of pumpkin lots on November 1st.

B.Y.O.P.
_________________________
If you expect humanity to disappoint you, you'll never be disappointed.

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#278146 - 10/19/07 06:17 PM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Jack_Lantern]
Jack_Lantern Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/06/05
Posts: 2785
Loc: America
 Quote:
Many stems are also cut off to close to the pumpkin itself and are therefore useless as lantern lid handles, be careful to avoid this!


As lid handles ladies and gentleman, as lid handles. The aerodynamics of projectiles and the convenience of pumpkin sports are matters entirely outside of my intent.
_________________________
"If a man empties his purse into his head no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." -Benjamin Franklin

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#278193 - 10/20/07 12:22 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Jack_Lantern]
sinnersaint Offline


Registered: 10/12/07
Posts: 33
Loc: Rochester
just to denote Eve, I meant a smashed pumpkin on my doorstep.

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#278198 - 10/20/07 01:41 AM Re: Satanic Pumpkin [Re: Zezb]
Nemo Offline
CoS Magister

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 12571
Loc: Point Nemo s48:52:31:748, w123...

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