You decide.

One more PM twards your cause.

Exactly!

They wear the same wool, yes Sir, yes Sir, three bales full.

I love the way the mind works (or....interprets things differently).

We have the Xtians that believe Jesus is coming back....and those Xtians that ALSO believe Jesus is coming back......but in a different way.

My favorite Xtians are those who believe that everything is 'predestined'.

I have had a conversation or two with a couple who actually believe that GOD KNOWS who and who will NOT be 'saved' and go to heaven.

My argument with them was always the same....

If God 'knows' then why all this crap? WHY? Why would he have people who he KNOWS will not accept him to simply die and burn in a place called 'Hell'?

They never seemed to have a good answer. The answer always was along the lines of...God knows what he's doing and who are YOU to question an almighty God?

I went further and asked them why they are missionaries? Why do they preach the word if....the ones who are destined to be saved shall be saved?

This is God's plan (is their answer).

Then we have those who believe that Jesus is coming and will 'rapture' (A word NOT used in the Xtian Bible) up his chosen.

The JW's crack Me up the most.

They feel a certain number of people will be saved. Okay fine, but.....if only a certain number will be chosen........why would you tell anyone else?

I would make sure I was one of the 144 thousand or.....whatever the Hell number it is.

As far as missionaries are concerned......hey, give em a break. THEY CAN BE FUN to SCREW WITH!

I'll invite one in. Show them My Ritual Chamber....give them a cookie? Nobody wants to come in though when I answer the door in a hooded Ritual Robe. Hmmmmmm.

I think I have been blackballed by the Xtians. They simply do not come around anymore.

I love the Rapture concept. Anytime someone brings it up, I tell them that it already happened - Sometime around 4 p.m., last Tuesday. It's true and I know because I helped some of them onto the heaven short bus.

I have had conversations about so called end time prophecies before with Christians the problem is there is controversy in the Christian ranks about this rapture and how things will play out. I find no credibility in what they say besides they all cannot agree on what they believe. These baseless teachings are common in Christian communities. I cannot speak for anyone else but in my past I have seen people so consumed with this load of shit they would believe anything the preacher said without question. In my opinion they get what they deserve.

Conversing with them can take up a lot of useful time. They will all try to convince you that they are right and everyone else is wrong. Meanwhile, everyone else is convinced they are right, but in actuality they just don't know how wrong they really are. It's all a bunch of circular logic.

It doesn't stop with the end times, but also spills over to the concept of Satan. They say that the greatest thing the Devil ever did was to convince mankind that he didn't exist. I say that (to paraphrase Satanic Statement #9) they should thank the Devil for giving them something to blame and complain about. Of course, saying that the Devil really doesn't exist just proves their point. They have 2,000 years of manipulation under their belt and are really good at it. The best thing is to avoid discussions with them because all they really want is to do is hear themselves talk. Talking is one way of converting, and arguing their point just gives them a spiritual erection.

The usual disclaimer: The opinions expressed by this member is his own and not necessarily that of the Church of Satan.

What makes this whole thing even more peculiar is that the concept of the rapture is one area where many contemporary Christians show how little they actually understand their own writings. The rapture concept actually has the early teachings back asswards.

Very nice! Free labor from well dressed, polite men? You cannot go wrong with that.

I don't just have encounters with them.
I have encounters that result in the loss of their innocence.

My first Mormon missionary, I saw him and thought, "Hottie. I want."

I started the path of corruption with green tea and ended with a threesome. With another boy.




The sheer number of people I have known, real or textual, who seem to think that it's humorous to brag about scaring missionaries with tales of being Satan, is absolutely staggering.

You know what?
They don't care.
REALLY.

They went home, prayed for your soul... and then went to sleep.
Thinking of all the people they would save tomorrow.

Or...They went back and bragged about the threesome they just had.

Oh, but those are my Mormons.

Sometimes I leave the poor guys alone.

During the late 1980's-early to mid 90's when I attended college
at MTSU in Murfreesboro, TN., I must have gotten "scent-marked"
by one of them as a sinner, because at one point around 92-93,
I was getting religious pamphlets once or twice a week.

One particularly memorable "event" was when I worked at a
convenience store called "W.T.'s" on Old Fort Pkwy.

It was around 7:30 in the evening (a Thursday, I think) when a
white van pulled up next to the store. A blond "gentleman"
in his mid-40's(?) with a young daughter (she was 3 or so)
came in and bought something.

He gently placed her, standing on the counter and got out his
money; so far, so good.

And then, almost as an afterthought, he reaches into his
coat pocket and hands me a small religious tract with the
provocative title :"How you know that you are going to Heaven".


I explained as politely as if I was hosting a UN summit,
"Thank you, but no thank you. I have actually received THIS
pamphlet in the past three days." I really had, honestly!

He then nudged it back to me and said, "No, I want YOU to have
it."

To which I replied:"Oh, that's okay, really. But thank you
so much."

He seemed slightly perturbed.

He took the religious tract back, picked up his daughter,
and headed toward the door.

As he did this, he was glaring at me saying "Well, it's out
of MY hands, now! It's between you and GA-WAD. It's not my
fault if you go to hell..."

To which I just smiled and said:

"I'm sure that God understands, and that he is proud of you.
At least you got your "brownie points" ".

You could have heard a pin drop in the awkward silence that followed.
Then Dr. David Banner's switch got flipped!

The guy turned four sheets of red, "BROWNIE POINTS?!"
"BROWNIE POINTS!? "

Mark H. (my boss at the time) was in a little side room
doing the books. He hears the man screaming at the top
of his lungs, and comes out to see what is wrong.

The parasit- er um, proselyte then says "If I wasn't a
Christian, I'd whoop his ASS!"



I simply CANNOT make up this stuff!

The man finally leaves, and Mark tells me to just "take
the paper" next time.

I just hope wasn't this guy's final exam to becoming
a "Royal Ranger"...

GCaesarWhiskers

Living in a dorm, I don't get the opportunities to torment these guys anymore. But I will relate my favorite story.

I was making pasta sauce when the doorbell rang. My hands and apron are covered in blood from the meat, and I can recognize these guys as the same JW's that had been coming by WEEKLY. So I take our biggest, nastiest carving knife out of the block, wipe some of my apron off on the blade, and answer the door with:

"Yeeeesssssssssssssssssssssss....ssss......ssss...sss...s?"

The look on their faces was priceless.

Very Nice!

Thank You for sharing that wonderful image!

GCaesarWhiskers

I may have recounted this story before, but since you ask...
Missionaries seem to find the worst time to knock. In this particular instance I was enjoying some internet porn and engaging in some rather personal activities. There was a knock on the door. My brother and step-mother were supposed to come over, but not until later in the day. I assumed they were early and zipped up. When I answered the door there were a couple of Mormon girls, couldn't have been older than 18, and there I was with a raging boner. They asked if I'd pray to God and ask him if I should listen to what they had to say or not. I said I was prepared to listen already and they were welcome to come in. Naturally, they declined, but promised to come back later and find out what God had told me. I never saw them, or any other Mormons, ever again.

I'm sorry that You could not have had a tryst as
Farjalikhali had!
(Surely the deflowering of two hot, barely-legal
"daughters of christ" would be worthy of Penthouse
Letters, or at least something produced by Larry Flynt! ).

Come to think of it, that scenario sounds like a good
fantasy.

This is a little before my time, but I heard that in
the 60's there was someone who started a movement where
beautiful, young women were "hooking for christ".

It sounds like a great marketing plan to me!

If I had to give up 10% of my income, I don't think a
"righteous nut" or two would be too much to ask.


GCaesarWhiskers