I thought a little bit of fun was in order.


"If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy."

I had forgotten all about this but speaking to an old friend on the telephone the other day I was reminded of it. It gave me a laugh and I hope it amuses you, too.

A few years ago there was this person who latched on to me and proved, shall we say, somewhat tenacious in his effort to attach himself to me. Like a bull terrier that refuses to unlock it's jaws on a bone.

He was your typical, scruffy druggie. A useless smackhead wastrel who was always trying to mooch off me.

One day in a bar I was arranging a Sunday dinner for a group of friends at my home. This druggie was at the table but obviously not invited.

However, predictably he had absorbed the information and on the following Sunday when we were all seated around the table sure enough there was a knock at the door. These sort of people have a knock, don't they? You just know it's them.

I let him in but did not allow him at the table. I told him to sit in the corner until we had finished dinner.

Now, I am not completely without mercy and would hate to see a man go hungry.

I announced to all "anything you don't want give to the dog."

And then proceeded to toss scraps across the room at the uninvited guest with "There you go, little dog."

Such mirth.


Any such stories to share for our merriment?

Haha... that was good! Did he ever show up again?

I'd chime in with something, but I think everyone else will be hard pressed to compete with that story.


I am definitely not afraid to let people know they are unwelcome in my house. I had an idiot from work trying to convince me "I am a great singer, I want to sing in your band!" so I had him over to see if he possessed any talent...sure enough, just as the excuse had come before by other monkeys, it was just a way to "hang out" somewhere for a night.

He brought his own beer, and was drinking, and getting loud. I told him politely that if he didn't do his best to shut his mouth real quick, that he wouldn't be finishing his beer at my house. After a few more, my cat went up to greet him (the devil only knows why...she never wastes time on ingrates generally.) and what does the fuck-head do? Kicks her into a table.

I grabbed him by the shoulder, dragged his drunken ass to the door, and told him not to come back. And he hasn't.

Disgusting.

I'm jealous of your self control.

His pathetic life will make up for my lack of punishment.

Last time I saw him he told me he had spent all of his money on "Salvia" and he had some very nasty "cold-sores" on his mouth. He also told me of a girl he is trying to "get with" who is, consequently, 17. (He is 30.) Not to mention the gunman who is currently chasing him around town, apparently.

My cat wins...all she does is eat, shit and sleep. Quite a lot more going for her then there is for him.

There are so many assholes out there!

Reverend, that story is absolutely hilarious! Thank you for sharing that!

~Storm

Yes. I wasn't rid of him up until he got thrown into prison and I never saw him again.

oh darnit, now I got this song stuck to my head

That was a great story. You are a very compassionate man. Its good to know that if I am ever "down and out" and living on the streets, I can always come to your residence and get a free meal

I hope you are aware of the fact that there are some really serious people in this world who would pay some really serious money for such an experience.

Love it!

I have a great story.....I have made mention of it here long ago, but here goes....

We were having a party here in Indianapolis, (one that got a wee bit out of control and involved a famous rock star) however...

We were all watching some porno video or whatnot on the Television
while others were getting pierced in the Kitchen. (I got My cheek piercing that day which made it in a magazine). Hurt like Hell but I was proud of it. (Right there in the dimple of My left cheek.)

In any event, there was this one nobody named Mike at the party. A fat weirdo. (I don't dislike heavy people just the WEIRD ones!)

It might interest one to know that I have Lane Bryant catalogs!

I don't know how he got invited (maybe he didn't) but he was there and he was a pain in the arse. Talk talk talk.....none stop! Talking about pizza, about stupid things like that.

I was on the couch watching well....anyway I was sitting with My husband, and a gal named Lee (who was shaved bald) she used to smoke crack with another popular rock star (still is). I didn't talk to Lee. Lee looked like Uncle Fester.

So......this guy Mike wants to know if We are 'Satanist'. Of course most were NOT, but Alex...... Alex liked to play games with people.

He said but of course. Michael wanted to join the 'coven' (Eve smiles).

So, a Ritual was conducted in the basement of Alex's house.

A pentagram was drawn on the concrete floor and everyone held hands. Candles blazed.

Mike was in the center of the Pentagram.

We had him repeat these words:

"Mecca lecca high, Mecca hiney ho!" (Which he did). Then We had him repeat the ancient words: "Mecca lecca high Mecca Choney ho!"

(Which He did).

If anyone here is a fan of Pee Wee's Playhouse (which I am) you can understand how hilarious this had to have been.

By the way I own the whole Pee Wee's Playhouse VHS box set and all of the toys that were put out on the market. I even have a talking Pee Wee doll.

So.....after this happened.....things got a bit strange. The guy Mike went upstairs, said he was possessed by the Devil and cut himself. The Rock Star punched this girl in the nose.

I left. Too much drama for Me, however, I'll never forget that dork repeating those Pee Wee Playhouse words from Jombie.

He's probably in a gutter somewhere at this point or in a mental ward.

True story.

I once made an extreme left lesbian, which is a coworker of my roomate, sit through the Bullshit episode about Mother Theresa, Ghandi and the Dalai Lama. It made her cry. Still doesn't top your story though.

AH yes, I know many Hermanites, or Reubanists. Always nice to meet others.

It might interest one to know that I have Lane Bryant catalogs!

They have the -greatest- bras.



We had him repeat these words:

"Mecca lecca high, Mecca hiney ho!" (Which he did). Then We had him repeat the ancient words: "Mecca lecca high Mecca Choney ho!"

(Which He did).

If anyone here is a fan of Pee Wee's Playhouse (which I am) you can understand how hilarious this had to have been.

That's just fabulous.

That sounds like quite a party

I doubt I would have been able to keep a straight face.

I remembered a story which happened to me some years ago.
Fact is that I like to celebrate my birthday on my own, which means with my wife and my closest friends, if so… I’m not too much into big celebrations and so on.
Anyway, it was a Sunday, and I was celebrating my 30th. birthday with my wife, enjoying an extreme nice meal when suddenly somebody knocked at the door. It was my wife’s brother, his wife, his wife's mother, his wife's grandpa, his wife's brother and their two sons. I couldn’t believe it, but I thought “O.K., just let’s pass the day fast and forget about it. They just came to celebrate my birthday so, maybe I should be patient”, which I did…
The problem is that I COULDN’T STAND those guys in particular. I always had an excellent relationship with my parents-in-law, but not with my wife’s brother and his wife’s family. They’re very loud people with very bad manners.
Besides that, I’m a pretty clean guy and like everything to be in it’s place and clean and so on so, suddenly, they begin eating with their hands, not at the table (as it is the supposed place to eat, right?) but on my sofa… the two kids (8 and 10 years old) began hiding behind the sofa touching the walls with their dirty hands, throwing meat all over my wooden floor and running the stairs up and down.
Upstairs in my house I have a little “studio” with my guitars, my amps, my cd’s, my books and my gimmicks (Pinhead, Spawn, Aliens, Clive Barker's Tortured Souls, Eddie’s figures and so on) so, the kids begin playing with the figures (so far o.k. for me) and begin hiding behind the sofa I have upstairs, shouting and throwing things to each other and the parents, plain and simply saying NOTHING at all… The mother of my brother-in-law’s wife suddenly gets into our bedroom to have a sleep without asking us(that wasn’t that o.k. then).
I decided to go upstairs again when I suddenly hear a great “CRACK”… one of the kids had taken one of my guitars (Jackson Randy Rhoads, U.S.A made, pitch black… one of my faves), put it on the floor and stepped ON THE NECK to get a figure which was located in an upper shelf. Result, the neck totally destroyed and, as these are neck-thru guitars, almost impossible to repair. The 10 year old kid begins to cry and his father, plain and simply, tells him it’s o.k. and asks if he does feel well and leaves that guitar on the floor without even caring about it, about the figures, about my sofas, about my dirty walls and/or floor, sits and continues watching an absolutely nonsense whatever on T.V.
I then remembered Satanic Rules of the Earth 3 and 4.
“When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there”
“If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy”
That was too much for me (my wife didn’t also say nothing at all about the whole story), so I instantly fired all of them (my wife included).
Obviously, my wife came back a few hours later but they never came again to my home, and so I didn’t go again to any of their lairs… and almost one year after that happening, my wife and me got divorced.

Not too funny but true.

H.S.

My sincerest condolences. I truly, truly hope that that was your worst birthday ever...

once while in my web design 3 class in college, the instructor decided to let us have a free day to work on projects

he then decided to try and get us to play his video game he was working on.

now this guy could script and code like no other, but to be honest, he didnt have an artistic bone in his body. so the game sucked.

i played it for 5 mins, then turned it off and started working on my website for the class project. (we had plenty of time and weeks to get it done, but i like to stay productive during classes im paying for)

he comes over and asks me why i turned off the game. I told him bluntly it sucked, that while the scripting of it was perfect, the artwork, gameplay and character models where horrid.

this led into a huge rant of his which i cant even remember the details of, and me ending it by asking him if the game was part of the class.

he said no and i said i dont want to play your shitty attempt at a video game.

Thanx a lot for your wish, Black Waltz... And yes, it was my worst birthday ever. All my followings have been much better, without any doubt.

Besides that, after my divorce, I didn't get to see those people anymore so, just fine for me. Got rid of'em. A little bit harsh, but effective.

H.S.