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#301862 - 01/28/08 03:26 AM Rule Number 4
Drake_Bamboozle Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 06/25/02
Posts: 10555
Loc: England
I thought a little bit of fun was in order.


"If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy."

I had forgotten all about this but speaking to an old friend on the telephone the other day I was reminded of it. It gave me a laugh and I hope it amuses you, too.

A few years ago there was this person who latched on to me and proved, shall we say, somewhat tenacious in his effort to attach himself to me. Like a bull terrier that refuses to unlock it's jaws on a bone.

He was your typical, scruffy druggie. A useless smackhead wastrel who was always trying to mooch off me.

One day in a bar I was arranging a Sunday dinner for a group of friends at my home. This druggie was at the table but obviously not invited.

However, predictably he had absorbed the information and on the following Sunday when we were all seated around the table sure enough there was a knock at the door. These sort of people have a knock, don't they? You just know it's them.

I let him in but did not allow him at the table. I told him to sit in the corner until we had finished dinner.

Now, I am not completely without mercy and would hate to see a man go hungry.

I announced to all "anything you don't want give to the dog."

And then proceeded to toss scraps across the room at the uninvited guest with "There you go, little dog."

Such mirth.


Any such stories to share for our merriment?

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"Spiral Out: a bleak, page-turning, unforgettable read. Existentialism at its most hardcore" - www.uvray.moonfruit.com





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#301883 - 01/28/08 06:54 AM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
Ghorth6 Offline


Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 46
Loc: War-Celona, sPAIN
Haha... that was good! Did he ever show up again?
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#301918 - 01/28/08 10:11 AM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
TheDegenerate Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 11/11/07
Posts: 3546
Loc: Cowtown
I'd chime in with something, but I think everyone else will be hard pressed to compete with that story.


I am definitely not afraid to let people know they are unwelcome in my house. I had an idiot from work trying to convince me "I am a great singer, I want to sing in your band!" so I had him over to see if he possessed any talent...sure enough, just as the excuse had come before by other monkeys, it was just a way to "hang out" somewhere for a night.

He brought his own beer, and was drinking, and getting loud. I told him politely that if he didn't do his best to shut his mouth real quick, that he wouldn't be finishing his beer at my house. After a few more, my cat went up to greet him (the devil only knows why...she never wastes time on ingrates generally.) and what does the fuck-head do? Kicks her into a table.

I grabbed him by the shoulder, dragged his drunken ass to the door, and told him not to come back. And he hasn't.

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#301928 - 01/28/08 11:17 AM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: TheDegenerate]
G.F.V. Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 12/31/04
Posts: 1948
Loc: NYC
 Quote:
After a few more, my cat went up to greet him (the devil only knows why...she never wastes time on ingrates generally.) and what does the fuck-head do? Kicks her into a table.


Disgusting.


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#301932 - 01/28/08 11:48 AM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: TheDegenerate]
Drakein Offline


Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 62
I'm jealous of your self control.
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Gather around me, Oh! ye death-defiant, and the earth itself shall be thine, to have and to hold!

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#301941 - 01/28/08 12:12 PM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Drakein]
TheDegenerate Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 11/11/07
Posts: 3546
Loc: Cowtown
His pathetic life will make up for my lack of punishment.

Last time I saw him he told me he had spent all of his money on "Salvia" and he had some very nasty "cold-sores" on his mouth. He also told me of a girl he is trying to "get with" who is, consequently, 17. (He is 30.) Not to mention the gunman who is currently chasing him around town, apparently.

My cat wins...all she does is eat, shit and sleep. Quite a lot more going for her then there is for him.

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#302110 - 01/28/08 11:41 PM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: TheDegenerate]
Enchantress Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2163
Loc: Canada
There are so many assholes out there!
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#302166 - 01/29/08 09:42 AM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
Storm Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 03/30/07
Posts: 567
Loc: West Valley, UT, USA
Reverend, that story is absolutely hilarious! Thank you for sharing that!

~Storm
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"The sleep of reason brings forth monsters."
~Francisco Goya

"When Hell is Full of Souls, The Tattooed Will Walk the Earth."
~Bob Tyrrell, The Night Gallery Tattoo

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#302320 - 01/29/08 10:38 PM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Ghorth6]
Drake_Bamboozle Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 06/25/02
Posts: 10555
Loc: England
 Originally Posted By: Ghorth666
Haha... that was good! Did he ever show up again?


Yes. I wasn't rid of him up until he got thrown into prison and I never saw him again.
_________________________
"Spiral Out: a bleak, page-turning, unforgettable read. Existentialism at its most hardcore" - www.uvray.moonfruit.com





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#302373 - 01/30/08 07:44 AM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
The_Lightning Offline


Registered: 05/21/06
Posts: 1325
Loc: Israel
oh darnit, now I got this song stuck to my head
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There is no such thing as evolution - Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

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#302549 - 01/30/08 06:15 PM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
Coyote Offline


Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 70
Loc: Nevada
That was a great story. You are a very compassionate man. Its good to know that if I am ever "down and out" and living on the streets, I can always come to your residence and get a free meal \:\/

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#302747 - 01/31/08 10:12 AM Pearls and swine [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
Max Faust Offline
Banned

Registered: 09/10/07
Posts: 419
Loc: Ultima Thule
 Originally Posted By: Dr_Shaadriq_Aliz
I announced to all "anything you don't want give to the dog."

And then proceeded to toss scraps across the room at the uninvited guest with "There you go, little dog."


I hope you are aware of the fact that there are some really serious people in this world who would pay some really serious money for such an experience.

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#302751 - 01/31/08 10:31 AM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
Evil_Eve Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 09/23/06
Posts: 4234
Loc: 1313 Mockingbird Lane
Love it!

I have a great story.....I have made mention of it here long ago, but here goes....

We were having a party here in Indianapolis, (one that got a wee bit out of control and involved a famous rock star) however...

We were all watching some porno video or whatnot on the Television
while others were getting pierced in the Kitchen. (I got My cheek piercing that day which made it in a magazine). Hurt like Hell but I was proud of it. (Right there in the dimple of My left cheek.)

In any event, there was this one nobody named Mike at the party. A fat weirdo. (I don't dislike heavy people just the WEIRD ones!)

It might interest one to know that I have Lane Bryant catalogs! ;\)

I don't know how he got invited (maybe he didn't) but he was there and he was a pain in the arse. Talk talk talk.....none stop! Talking about pizza, about stupid things like that.

I was on the couch watching well....anyway I was sitting with My husband, and a gal named Lee (who was shaved bald) she used to smoke crack with another popular rock star (still is). I didn't talk to Lee. Lee looked like Uncle Fester.

So......this guy Mike wants to know if We are 'Satanist'. Of course most were NOT, but Alex...... Alex liked to play games with people.

He said but of course. Michael wanted to join the 'coven' (Eve smiles).

So, a Ritual was conducted in the basement of Alex's house.

A pentagram was drawn on the concrete floor and everyone held hands. Candles blazed.

Mike was in the center of the Pentagram.

We had him repeat these words:

"Mecca lecca high, Mecca hiney ho!" (Which he did). Then We had him repeat the ancient words: "Mecca lecca high Mecca Choney ho!"

(Which He did).

If anyone here is a fan of Pee Wee's Playhouse (which I am) you can understand how hilarious this had to have been.

By the way I own the whole Pee Wee's Playhouse VHS box set and all of the toys that were put out on the market. I even have a talking Pee Wee doll.

So.....after this happened.....things got a bit strange. The guy Mike went upstairs, said he was possessed by the Devil and cut himself. The Rock Star punched this girl in the nose.

I left. Too much drama for Me, however, I'll never forget that dork repeating those Pee Wee Playhouse words from Jombie.

He's probably in a gutter somewhere at this point or in a mental ward.

True story.
_________________________
Satan LIVES!
If you could....would YOU?



"Our religion does not require martyrs."
Magistra Nadramia.

FEARED!
Revered.
YOU can be a voice for the voiceless.


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#302772 - 01/31/08 11:40 AM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
Jack_Lantern Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/06/05
Posts: 2785
Loc: America
I once made an extreme left lesbian, which is a coworker of my roomate, sit through the Bullshit episode about Mother Theresa, Ghandi and the Dalai Lama. It made her cry. Still doesn't top your story though.
_________________________
"If a man empties his purse into his head no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." -Benjamin Franklin

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#302860 - 01/31/08 03:08 PM Re: Rule Number 4 [Re: Evil_Eve]
Seeker Of Wisdom Offline


Registered: 01/19/08
Posts: 76
Loc: Buckholts, Tx
AH yes, I know many Hermanites, or Reubanists. Always nice to meet others.
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Sin Well!

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Groucho Marx

"Sex is legal, Selling is legal, why isn't selling sex legal?"
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