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#327137 - 05/11/08 11:15 AM Re: Love [Re: LightAngel]
shadowraven213 Offline


Registered: 08/19/06
Posts: 541
My experiences have been less than happy with "love" the first time I mistook and mixed it with pure lust but that was kinda fun but hurt because it was not returned.

The second time I lied and said I loved someone because I did not want to be alone or hurt the person but in the end I knew she understood this fact from the start and we parted amicably.

And the third time I thought I had gotten lucky, opened myself completely and put my trust 100% into someone and the result was nothing less than devastating I am still trying to come to terms with it as I write this.

But all I can do is learn from my mistakes and this thread has shown me that there may be a light at the end of this dark tunnel I find myself in.

So, thanks.
_________________________
"Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one."
Charles Mackay - 1814-1889
Scottish poet, journalist, and song writer.

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#327145 - 05/11/08 01:03 PM Re: Love [Re: Shade]
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/25/01
Posts: 12990
Loc: The Solid State
I hate that whole "you complete me" bit. I think that sort of thing is creepy. I detest love junkies, and I give them a wide berth when I see them.

When I'm on a date, and I receive too many gushing compliments or statements of adoration, I want to run screaming for the hills.

If there's anything I fear or would be anxious about, it's getting tangled up with a leech. I would actually prefer a mate be too cold and disinterested towards me, than too hot and bothered, and always needing attention and validation. I need anyone I date to be their own person, and to be at peace with maintaining their own life and their own space.
_________________________
"Gentlemen, the verdict is guilty, on all ten counts of first-degree stupidity. The penalty phase will now begin."--Divine, "Pink Flamingos."

"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!

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#327148 - 05/11/08 01:18 PM Re: Love [Re: LightAngel]
Callier Offline

CoS Warlock

Registered: 08/30/06
Posts: 2209
Sometimes when I'm in my bedroom, I throw lots of money in the air then roll around in it. I grab it, kiss it and say things like "Oh baby. I love you so much. I'll never let you go. Please be with me forever and ever baby. I love you baby."

That's the closest I've ever been to this thing called "love".
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$$$ Get Rich or Die Tryin' $$$

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#327172 - 05/11/08 04:42 PM Re: Love [Re: TrojZyr]
Zaftig Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 09/23/06
Posts: 3406
Quote:
When I'm on a date, and I receive too many gushing compliments or statements of adoration, I want to run screaming for the hills.

I dislike that sort of thing only if they fully expect me to lose my panties because of it. Especially those college boys whose game you can spot a mile away, because it actually works on most of the insecure girls. "Oh you think I'm hot? Well then I'm in love! Let's fuck."

But sincere compliments don't ever really get old for me.

I was saying to someone recently that my worst dates have been mostly just bland; they weren't rude or badly dressed or inappropriate in any way. Friends (ones who don't know me well) accuse me of being too picky. But I'd be sitting on dates listening to their umpteenth boring story and I'd think, "Why do I feel like I'm drowning?"

If I'd rather be at home doing my laundry, it's a bad, bad sign.

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#327201 - 05/11/08 06:36 PM Re: Love [Re: Zaftig]
AurEum Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 11/16/07
Posts: 1158
Loc: Australia
Quote:
"Oh you think I'm hot? Well then I'm in love! Let's fuck."

Like OMG ... that's not how it's supposed to work? wink

Quote:
But sincere compliments don't ever really get old for me.

Yes, but I think it can be a little deeper than sincerity. For example, if a man tells you that you're beautiful 5 times in one date, how much is that going to mean to you? He might sincerely think you're beautiful. It would make me uncomfortable. Either that's the only thing he's interested in or that's the only quality he sees worth complimenting (or he is following the ill-advised advice in "Maxim" and can't think for himself). Either way, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I would rather hear a compliment less frequently, but know that it is truly meaningful. I enjoy being appreciated or perhaps even admired, but I have no interest in being put on a pedestal (or dealing with all the drama down the road that comes from that). While individuals certainly have different strengths and weaknesses, I prefer a team player type atmosphere where nobody is on a pedestal or is "better than" the other.
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** former username Ealaiontor **

"The truth is I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them." - Marilyn Monroe

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#327206 - 05/11/08 06:52 PM Re: Love [Re: AurEum]
Zaftig Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 09/23/06
Posts: 3406
Nahhh I'm a compliment whore. wink

Actually, the truth is my online persona is a compliment whore, but in reality when someone tells me I'm beautiful - in that sincere and genuine way, by someone who is secure in their delivery and appreciation - I blush and am quite moved.

I have a natural shyness about me, which I unsuccessfully try to hide. Compliments can make me feel quite awkward.

I still like it though. crossbones

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#327248 - 05/11/08 10:22 PM Re: Love [Re: Zaftig]
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/25/01
Posts: 12990
Loc: The Solid State
Right!

I have gone on dates with nice enouogh people, but it's amazing--when I had my first truly amazing date, I was able to step back and say, "Wow, vive la difference."

Of course, I've always had to constantly revise and refine my standards. There are some areas where I could perhaps stand to be more lenient, and other areas where I can and should be proud to be, well, a bit demanding smile. And, of course, I've learned the importance of trusting your gut.
_________________________
"Gentlemen, the verdict is guilty, on all ten counts of first-degree stupidity. The penalty phase will now begin."--Divine, "Pink Flamingos."

"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!

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#327277 - 05/12/08 06:13 AM Re: Love [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
LightAngel Offline


Registered: 09/10/05
Posts: 1685
Loc: Denmark
Originally Posted By: Dr_Shaadriq_Aliz


Romance in the heart is more potent and uplifting than any drug.



True, that's why I always prefer gentlemen jack

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#327498 - 05/13/08 02:38 AM Re: Love Absolutely! [Re: TrojZyr]
Drake_Bamboozle Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 06/25/02
Posts: 10574
Loc: England
>> I have yet to really meet "the One" (probably more accurately called "a One" in most cases) <<

Indeed.

It has been often said there are a few over the course of our lifetime.

And I think it's true that certain individuals who drift into our lives are right within the context of their timeframe. They are right for us at that time. And when their time is over we drift apart agin, emotionally even if not physically.

But I do think with age and, well... time... that when that one explodes into your life you just know.

This person arrives who you just could never have imagined exists. Your fantasy woman made flesh. Who not only fulfils you but awakens you to aspects of yourself you didn't even know existed. Suddenly you realise anyone else you thought you had loved pales into insignificance.

It is so earth shattering it's frightening at the same time, like an earthquake it rips you open and exposes you. You look in her face and know you've never been so vulnerable.

And it isn't even about being fulfilled yourself, this person is so amazing your every desire is to give yourself to them. Body and mind. And you want to make them feel wonderful. Suddenly you are unselfish in the giving of the very essence of who you are because you now know that this person suddenly seems like someone you'd been waiting for but had given up thinking they could possibly exist.

And you want them to know always how great you think they are. And that your love is not indiscriminate or glib. It isn't because there is a void inside you or that you are somehow lacking - you are not needy but a whole person who loves them - and the fact that out of all the half-wits on the planet it's you that sees their qualities and you love them for their quirks, rather than in spite of.

In little things, like making a cup of tea alone in the morning and she isn't there to make one for. There is a momentary pang. And you just wish you could make her a cup of tea. You think of her as you stir it.

Or you're out walking and you see the most brilliant red and golden sunset that takes your breath away and you just wish she was there to experience it.

For me, I take pleasure in knowing she will always know because as a poet she has my heart in words forever. And they are not words like some mythical religious script etched in stone. They are infused with my flesh and blood and bone. In those words she has me in her hands.

And not only does she know, other women begin to know that the love of their own men might suddenly seem lacking or even doubtful.

I have simply had dozens of female readers write to me and say "Damn. Why can't my man ever do anything like that for me. I hope she knows how lucky she is." Or "I wish my husband could be inspired to do something like that for me."

Life is so fucking short. To me, there is no other way but to enjoy the passion if you are lucky enough to experience it.

Some just live, exist. Pootling along with someone who is convenient or that they think they love.

But I suppose love, like anything else, also has different degrees.

Some don't have the capacity to even comprehend what I am talking about here because they don't possess the capacity to experience it.

As Al Koran said "Most people may aswell go dig a hole in their back garden and get in it because they are dead already."

Or more aptly, our old friend Bukowski:

"Beware the average man. Even his love will be average."
sick

I've rattled on a bit. Sorry.



_________________________
"u.v.ray blends the dark street poetry of Nelson Algren with the swagger and style of a young Iggy Pop."

www.uvray.moonfruit.com





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#327519 - 05/13/08 07:38 AM Re: Love [Re: LightAngel]
Loupy Offline
Banned

Registered: 05/12/08
Posts: 48
Hi,

I'm reading the replies here and it seems like most are confusing love with passion or infatuation, both feelings that do not last, or confusing love with being in love. When you are in love you think the other person is perfect, everything he/she does is perfect but once that feeling is gone, what was once cute becomes an unbearable flaw.

Love is above all that. Love stays when being in love is gone. Love is a felling that does not exclusively happen towards a sexual partner, you love your friends, your family, your pets.

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#327545 - 05/13/08 10:14 AM Re: Love [Re: LightAngel]
ZackC Offline


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 17
Loc: WA
I have been very fortunate in the field of love; though I have experienced ups and downs like everyone else. Right now I am engaged to an amazing woman. She is one of the most caring and giving women I have ever met (cliche I know).

This time I believe it's different because of our age (maturity), the living situation that we were in, and our individual characteristics; all these things combined have produced an excellent relationship. Maturity for obvious reasons. I just think that most high school aged kids believe that constant arguing is a normal part of the dating experience. One of them will pick almost anything to nag the other about. A variety of other social factors lead to break ups, and to people dating who shouldn't be in the first place.

We both lived in the dorm of a small college too; so she was only about 35 secs away from me. Being away from family and friends led us to come together much more powerfully than in a normal enviroment. It just became habit to see each other; for me personally I couldn't get through a day without seeing her. Before we knew we were seeing each other all day everyday! In a dorm like enviroment, dating someone for 6 months is like a year because of the sheer mass of time you spend with your significant other.

Love is just a chemical reaction and that realization is very important, but you can't call love a chemical. It's like describing an orgasm as: quick cycles of muscle contraction in the lower pelvic muscles (Thank you Wiki-Pedia). It takes away the human precedence placed on it.

I am not really sure what you mean by having your heart "open" to someone else? If you mean opening yourself up to someone else, it feels nice, but its just one of those things you don't miss until its gone. That's when you hear people say stuff like "I feel like I am missing apart of myself." That person really does become part of you, or rather a large part of your human experience. Loosing a largse part of your human experience is kind of the same thing, humans are what they experience. No?

I have felt like we were one person. I just did everything with her: when I woke up she was there; she eat breakfest with me; studied with me; fucked me when we were bored; eat lunch with me; walked through downtown with me; everything just the two of us. Rarely any arugments; we were just like two pieces of a puzzle coming together.

I will see her again in about a week. Me and her are going to be working on a farm together in WA. I am working to save up for a car for my next year of college. Freshman year is finally over!!!



Edited by ZackC (05/13/08 10:24 AM)

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#327549 - 05/13/08 10:26 AM Re: Love [Re: ZackC]
Shade Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 6135
Loc: A Trailer Park
Originally Posted By: ZackC
I just think that most high school aged kids believe constant arguing is a normal part of the dating experience. So one of them will pick almost anything to nag the other about.


I wonder how many people never grow out of that. I'm not really qualified to make grand sweeping generalizations about people but it certainly seems like a lot of folks thrive on picking fights, either in a romantic relationship or elsewhere. Maybe they are so bored/boring that they just can find no other way to communicate. Or maybe the make up sex is just that good. grin
_________________________
"What happens in the shadow, in the grey regions, also interests us all that is elusive and fugitive, all that can be said in those beautiful half tones, or in whispers, in deep shade." ~ The Brothers Quay

We're Just Regular People

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#327551 - 05/13/08 10:49 AM Re: Love [Re: Shade]
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/25/01
Posts: 12990
Loc: The Solid State
I've experienced and have witnessed that, and I think what sometimes happens is that the person's idea of loooove is that it is frothy, wild, and passionate. Sometimes, they get it from their parents. Sometimes, they get it from movies. But, for whatever reason, they believe that it isn't love unless deep, passionate feelings are being felt at all times, and if you want to feel and express love, you have to churn the waters, for good or ill. (They call it love, I call it batshit insanity.)

From there, I don't think people are taught what to reasonably expect or demand in a relationship, aren't taught how to go about compromising with people appropriately, and even more, they aren't taught how to communicate. So, they become "right fighters" who want to have the last word. Subsequently, they end up winning battles, and losing wars.

Various times, I have talked to people--friends, acquaintances, others--who have talked about tiffs and squabbles they've been in, with lovers, customers, employees, neighbors, parents, whomever.

I often say, "Well, did you apologize to them? Did you try to empathize with how they felt?"

And they typically say, "No! It wasn't my fault, and they were being stupid/shitty/unreasonable. They need to get over themselves."

And so it goes; they reap what they sow.

Yes, sometimes people are dumb and unreasonable, and their values and needs are stupid in your sight. But, they won't become any less stupid and unreasonable if you butt heads with them, and they feel that you don't respect or understand them. (Granted, some people won't become less stupid even if you try to be nice, but it at least pays to try to de-escalate before escalating.) If you want to win every battle and be right in every case, you may end up sleeping on the couch a lot, or you may end up being stabbed by the creepy guy at work because you stole his beloved red stapler.

Yes, I also chalk it up to boredom as well.

Dr. Aliz, that's beautiful. And now I ache inside frown.

Oh, and I like this video. Yes, yes, I know. I like it anyway wink. (I guess I interpret "the dark" as a metaphor for struggle and the unknown.)



Edited by TrojZyr (05/13/08 10:54 AM)
_________________________
"Gentlemen, the verdict is guilty, on all ten counts of first-degree stupidity. The penalty phase will now begin."--Divine, "Pink Flamingos."

"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!

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#327554 - 05/13/08 11:10 AM Re: Love [Re: TrojZyr]
Shade Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 6135
Loc: A Trailer Park
Originally Posted By: TrojZyr
(They call it love, I call it batshit insanity.)


Hell yeh!

I agree with you - it seems like some folks look for or create strife, as if without it they lack purpose. The internet is certainly a good example of where one sees this type of contentious behavior routinely. Personally, I'm not too fond of constant drama. But then again, I probably seem boring to quite a few people. grin
_________________________
"What happens in the shadow, in the grey regions, also interests us all that is elusive and fugitive, all that can be said in those beautiful half tones, or in whispers, in deep shade." ~ The Brothers Quay

We're Just Regular People

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#327566 - 05/13/08 11:43 AM Re: Love [Re: TrojZyr]
ZackC Offline


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 17
Loc: WA
I agree with TrojZyr. I think that younger people; people in my age range included 18-22 year olds; love to "chrun the waters" so to speak. But what all does churning the waters entail exactly? I think this would make an interesting discussion in and of itself.
I think people tend to open up alot after a few months, and it becomes clearer to both (most of the time just one of the two) parties that this individual is not long term material. Intrest level just goes down because of repeated behaviors that one of the two does. For instance, Cindy likes to joke about sleeping around with other men, but gets mad at Tom when he doesn't have a sense of humor about it.

How do you guys view churning the waters?

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