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#341087 - 07/19/08 05:00 AM The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings.
Malcontent Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/18/08
Posts: 18
If anyone else here has a job, you've likely been privileged enough to attend a staff meeting before - and chances are good the importance of the meeting, and the message therein either didn't apply to you or your position at all (best case scenario), or had no bearing on anything that applied to anyone's job.

In my current job as a communications tech (which is basically an overinflated moniker for cable / telephone guy), the company I work for is way behind because of the demand for digital receivers brought about by the transition to 100% digital TV by next February. I think I heard we are booked about 4 or 5 weeks out for installations. Nevertheless, the company dedicated a half day to a presentation from some guys in the dispatch department, so they could tell us about how things work at dispatch. Who gives a shit? In half a day, 30 techs could do 150 installs. Why do companies waste time with these meaningless fucking meetings?

Here is an exact rendition of how the meeting goes, with the exception of the fact that it goes on for 4 hours. The only purpose of them being there was to tell us that sometimes it takes longer for them to answer our calls because dispatch has a lot of turnover, so there is always someone new. That's all they had to say... but it turns out more like this:

Some Jackass will start off by saying:

Hi guys. Good morning. My name is it doesn't matter, and this is my colleague, no one cares what his name is either. Today we'd like to say the same thing over and over again for about 4 hours so that we can feel like we've gotten our point across, and undermine your intelligence by assuming you're too stupid to understand things the first time we say them. Plus we need an excuse to justify our jobs. So anyway, we'd like to start by repeating the same thing over again, and then say it again and again. If you look at this overhead projection, it highlights what I just got done saying, which is the same thing I said before. Now later, you'll talk to someone else who'll come up to the front, and he'll tell you the same thing again also. But getting back to the point, I want to highlight the same thing again and again. This is the same thing again. I want you to understand the same thing over and over again and again, and if you have any questions, I'll say the same thing again. I'd like to sum this up by going back to the beginning of this paragraph and repeating the same thing again and again for the next 3 hours and 59 minutes. When I'm finished, my colleague, no one cares what his name is, will come up and say everything I said, but he'll be saying it again and in his voice, so that'll make it somehow different. So getting back to my point, let's say it again. (Continue until 12:00 pm).


I did not applaud at the end of the meeting.

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#341097 - 07/19/08 06:19 AM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Malcontent]
verszou Offline



Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1814
Loc: Denmark
He he - I could not help but laugh, because your feelings reflect a lot of what my friday was like.

Normally I don't care. Time wasting meetings are a way of corporate life and thus they fall under the rule of not complaining about what one does not have to subject oneself to.

But once in a while you do get that feeling like those animals who gnaw of their own limbs to escape a trap smile

I tend to try to find excuses for not going to those kinds of meetings if I'm sure that there isn't some kind of usefull information buried in there (even the dullest meeting can sometimes give you a valuable detail that can be used to further the things you want). And if I can't wiggle out of them I tend to go into "inner exile" as one of my co-workers once defined it. I think about how I'm gonna go about reviewing the latest trade paperback edition of Conan the Barbarian or something else constructive.

It sometimes helps to read accounts of people who have been to prison or in concentration camps because there are lessons in there to be learned about how your mind can stay free even though you body is imprisoned.
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#341100 - 07/19/08 06:30 AM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: verszou]
shadowraven213 Offline


Registered: 08/19/06
Posts: 541
Originally Posted By: verszou

how your mind can stay free even though you body is imprisoned.


Modern day survival techniques, I like it.

Oh and happy birthday Mr bear.
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#341108 - 07/19/08 08:13 AM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: shadowraven213]
verszou Offline



Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1814
Loc: Denmark
Originally Posted By: shadowraven213
Originally Posted By: verszou

how your mind can stay free even though you body is imprisoned.


Modern day survival techniques, I like it.

Oh and happy birthday Mr bear.


Thank you smile

Technically it's a Wolverine, not a bear though smile
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While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.

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#341137 - 07/19/08 03:34 PM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: verszou]
precision Offline


Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 43
Malcontent-- Lower-level company staff meetings exist to help the executor accomplish two things:

Leverage
The one lecturing has something to say; s/he needs to right some wrongs. By assuming the role of supervisor/lecturer, s/he takes immediate control of those listening by informing, scolding, or pep rallying. It's a miniature sermon on the mount.

Validation
When the higher-ups witness that you have something to say to the group that is so important that you must pull them from their duties and make them listen, you must obviously have something to say and are taking ownership of your job title-- something you were hired to do. A pat on the back for you, tool.

I consider staff meetings as important as church services, trying my damnedest to stay awake, while the message doesn't apply to me.

Being in a position to call staff meetings, I rarely do. There is nothing a simple CC'd email can't convey. Just request a read receipt.

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#341140 - 07/19/08 04:10 PM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Malcontent]
Bill_M Offline
CoS Magister

Registered: 07/28/01
Posts: 11649
Loc: New England, USA
Don't forget this part: "Here is a graph. Notice that the bars go up as you go furhter to the right. So you see, the company is doing well."

Staff meetings typically don't bother me. I only spend a total of one or two hours at most in meetings on an average week. When the other people are babbling away at stuff that isn't relevant to my job, I just contently doodle.
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#341148 - 07/19/08 04:50 PM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Bill_M]
Malcontent Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/18/08
Posts: 18
The good news is that my last day with the company is on the 23rd of July. After four and a half years of serious pursuance, I have obtained the career I want in the field I both want and studied for. August 11th is my start day, and it is the cumulative result of perseverance, impressing the right people, and basically an ass-ton of lesser magic. It's all about results for me, and that's part of why I'm a most committed Satanist.

LOL to EliteSouth. You'd think an email would do the job at a communications company too, but you'd be incorrect sir. If there were a gem to be gained from a meeting, then by all means, let's meet. But I'm serious, there was nothing to be gained from it.

Anyway, please return to your regularly scheduled programming. Malcontent was on a malcontented rant.


Edited by Malcontent (07/19/08 04:52 PM)

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#341333 - 07/20/08 06:17 PM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Malcontent]
precision Offline


Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 43
Best of luck.

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#345361 - 08/11/08 07:14 AM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Malcontent]
DarkApollyon Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 581
Loc: Brighton, England
Originally Posted By: Malcontent
If anyone else here has a job, you've likely been privileged enough to attend a staff meeting before - and chances are good the importance of the meeting, and the message therein either didn't apply to you or your position at all (best case scenario), or had no bearing on anything that applied to anyone's job.



Unfortunately I've got to attend one tomorrow morning! sleep

Fortunately the company I work for only hold about one a month smile

....Even so they rarely throw up anything really important or relevent, but as we are paid to attend I dutifully turn up. At worst I can always use the time to make notes for other things I need to do later or just zone out and drink the coffee!! cool


Edited by DarkApollyon (08/11/08 07:14 AM)
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#345396 - 08/11/08 08:53 AM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Malcontent]
Emerald Offline



Registered: 07/05/08
Posts: 97
Loc: St. Petersburg, FL
My boss has the quaint little habit of bitching everyone out at staff meetings when he is upset with the actions of only one person. In his view of things, everyone should pay for everyone's transgressions. I just quietly doodle as well while nodding my head in the appropriate spots.
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#345410 - 08/11/08 09:44 AM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Malcontent]
Descendant Offline


Registered: 07/24/08
Posts: 263
Loc: Inland Empire, Ca
Considering I'm always the Facilitator of my staff meetings, I get to choose the appropriate torture for the event. A short meeting will be nothing less than 1-hour, while a long meeting could last up to 4 hours. Depending upon the need to cover specific issues my meetings are mainly about Labor Cost and/or my Managers ability to control them. Policy, Safety, and Planning are my usual topics in which I try to go around the room and get everyones involvement in such. Sometimes when I feel that torture is imminenet I will grab a policy out of the handbook and read it line-by-line, making frequent stops to analize sentences to hopefully stamp meanings into their brains. All the while my office air conditioner is set at 66 degrees to keep them all awake and attentive.
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#345413 - 08/11/08 09:50 AM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Descendant]
Roho_the_Rooster Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 03/10/05
Posts: 7000
Loc: Pre-Apocalypolis
grin

Just to get it over with...they were talking about YOU...but everyone else's useless staff meetings. wink
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#345447 - 08/11/08 11:46 AM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Roho_the_Rooster]
Descendant Offline


Registered: 07/24/08
Posts: 263
Loc: Inland Empire, Ca
Input from intelligent people on a topic like this could be valuable to a person like me. One persons trash is another persons treasure. Roho, you ran 15% overtime last week..That's unacceptable, I have no choice but to document this after the meeting today!!!...lol...
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"Jealousy is an emotion often found in individuals whose estimation of their own worth exceeds their achievements."- from "The Satanic Scriptures" by Peter H. Gilmore

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#345655 - 08/12/08 10:16 AM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Bill_M]
Zardex Offline


Registered: 03/12/08
Posts: 310
Originally Posted By: Bill_M
Don't forget this part: "Here is a graph. Notice that the bars go up as you go furhter to the right. So you see, the company is doing well."

It's also good to have the bottom line figure as something like a 3 so that when a 4 becomes a 5 it looks like something has doubled.
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#345694 - 08/12/08 01:58 PM Re: The Saturday Morning Rant - I hate staff meetings. [Re: Zardex]
HorrorCore Offline


Registered: 08/11/08
Posts: 137
Loc: WA
I only had to attend one staff meeting before, luckily it was only an hour or so long and we were each given a $50 bill at the end of it.
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