Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#342419 - 07/27/08 09:40 PM Betrayal
Charlie R Offline


Registered: 02/24/08
Posts: 64
Has anybody here ever been betrayed by a friend they thought they were really close with? Possibly even a best friend? If not, you're fortunate, but those who have know it hurts worse than anything else.

I'll give a personal example.

I was a typical immature teenager going into my Sophomore year of high school. I followed my friends no matter what they did to fit in. I was afraid of being cast outside and being a "loner". So much that I actually lowered myself to the level of my peers just to please them. It was pretty sad, actually. I had a few close friends in the group, but the rest of the entire group were just people I'd casually met and didn't entirely care about, just like I knew they didn't care about me.

Things kept up that way for the first quarter of Sophmore year. Then, completely out of the blue, one of the few people in the group I could relate to decided that he hated me to a point that he wanted me completely gone. Within a week (not exaggerating), the entire group of people seperated themselves from me. To this day I don't know why the guy decided to cast me out of the group, and it still remains the most painful thing I've ever felt. I hate him for it, and thank him at the same time.

I started doing a lot more by myself since that group wanted nothing to do with me, and was the exact kind of loner I never wanted to be. This went on for weeks, and during those weeks I was conflicted by internal confusion and anger towards the people I had considered my "friends". Then, as a finishing blow, on Halloween of that year, a group of about 5 people lead by the guy who started it all egged my house. I honestly don't think I can ever feel worse than I did after that.

I continued to do things by myself, and after I got over the shell-shock of being betrayed, I realized I had matured so much to the point where after a while I would look at the group of guys I used to hang out with and not feel an ounce of remorse for what had happened. I started becoming an entirely new person, and after I got over my own self-pity started meeting new groups of people, and branching out more than I had ever done before, to the point where I was nothing but myself.

I guess in the end what goes around really does come around. I went months without talking to anybody in that group, and by the end of the year the entire group (save a very small portion) felt horrible about what happened. Maybe I'm too nice and forgiving a person for my own good, but I forgave every one of them. Except for one.

So what happened to the person I considered one of my best friends? What happened to the one guy who stabbed me in the back and hurt me worse than anything else I'd ever felt before? Every morning at school I can look across the cafeteria and see him, and his two emo buddies, sitting in a corner. At first I hated him so much, it was indescribable. I honestly wanted to hurt him, it was almost scary. Now, I pity him. I feel sorry for him, and it's hard for me to explain, but when that group came back to me after I matured the way I did it felt great. Not only that, but I'd met so many new people since I went off on my own that no longer did I have to act under a false persona to fit in, but I could just be normal and still have fun. As for my old "friend", I don't think he's got much to speak for. Although, as much as I pity him, and used to hate him, I still have to thank him because it completely transformed me into a more confident person. I don't sit by myself anymore...ever...but it was a long process to rebuild the confidence that I lost.

I don't care if you read the bulk of this post, but I'm still interested to see if this kind of thing happens on a regular basis to people in their adolescent years. Please be open too, I pretty much poured my heart into this.

Top
#342422 - 07/27/08 09:49 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Charlie R]
TheDegenerate Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 11/11/07
Posts: 3580
Loc: Calgary
I have had a few friends over the years who "changed their mind" about said friendship. As soon as I hit high school, I purposely alienated myself from all of my former friends as to avoid the drama, but before that, a friend one day was an enemy the next. It's just natural. 99 percent of the people I used to hang out with, I would never do so today. My triad of friends has been the same for the past ten years (the earliest one of the three, anyways. The other two friends would appear throughout high school) and that isn't likely to change. Others may come, or go, but these are my tried and true "best friends".

In any case, I don't think it's unusual behavior. It makes sense.

Top
#342423 - 07/27/08 09:51 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Charlie R]
Svengali Offline
CoS Magister

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 12460
Loc: Florida, U.S.A.
How to maintain a friendship: Don't let them close enough to fuck up anything that matters to you.

Adolescent friendship is bullshit.

For about the first 20-25 years of your life your worst enemies are usually your "best friends."

By then you should grow up and be over the childish need for "friendship" and get down to the business of actually living your life.

To paraphrase (and vandalize) Barbara Striesand; "People who need people are the most pathetic people in the world."
_________________________
Live and Let Die.
"If I have to choose between defending the wolf or the dog, I choose the wolf, especially when he is bleeding." -- Jaques Verges
"I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them." -- Jimmy Hoffa
"As for wars, well, there's only been 268 years out of the last 3421 in which there were no wars. So war, too, is in the normal course of events." -- Will Durant.
"Satanism is the worship of life, not a hypocritical, whitewashed vision of life, but life as it really is." -- Anton Szandor LaVey
A membership ticket in this party does not confer genius on the holder. -- Benito Mussolini
MY BOOK: ESSAYS IN SATANISM | MY BLOG: COSMODROMIUM | Deep Satanism Blog

Top
#342428 - 07/27/08 10:17 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Charlie R]
gypsy Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/04/01
Posts: 4749
Loc: Here
Doesn't anybody keep a fucking journal anymore or a diary? zombie
_________________________
"All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie."

"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."


Church of Satan

Top
#342430 - 07/27/08 10:37 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Charlie R]
verszou Offline



Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1814
Loc: Denmark
Friendships are an exchange if you look at it from a psychological point of view. You give up a bit of yourself, conform to certain standards and in exchange you get the feeling of not being alone.

I started out having very few friends when I grew up, being an odd kid. Then later in life I had the idea I might have missed out on something and expanded my circle of friends. I got a lot of good things from that, but ultimately also some negative things. My ideas of responsibility to the responsible and not being very forgiving meant that more often it was me who threw people out of my life than the other way around. I'm often told that I'll die a bitter lonely old man smile

I agree with Magister Svengali that friendships can hold you back from actually acheiving what you want in life. Part of the exchange is that you devote some of your time to then, and it is very hard to get them to accept that you want to devote time to your own projects or let your career take priority at certain crucial stages. A circle of friends would very much prefer you to stay at their level, so it's best either to maintain a bit of a distance or to associate with people who themselves are ambitious.
_________________________
While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.

Top
#342431 - 07/27/08 10:37 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: gypsy]
Pirate Offline


Registered: 07/20/08
Posts: 63
Oscar Wilde had many excellent things to say about these subjects but I do not have my book to quote from at this moment.
_________________________
Is my metal too heavy?

Top
#342434 - 07/27/08 10:49 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Pirate]
Posthuman Offline


Registered: 07/17/08
Posts: 33
Loc: Seattle
Everyone eventually betrays me at least in some small way, I have adjusted my expectations of people to be more realistic.

Friends are very valuable, and so I insist my friendships are based around mutual self interest.

Solipsism is dangerous, you can't expect to be treated as you imagine you treat others.
_________________________
"god" was an invention of Satan, to teach us how stupid we are. magic always works, but our expectations are often at odds with reality.

Top
#342439 - 07/27/08 11:28 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Charlie R]
Chess Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 09/09/02
Posts: 1473
Loc: Chicago, IL USA
Quote:
To this day I don't know why the guy decided to cast me out of the group, and it still remains the most painful thing I've ever felt.


Prediction One:

Within five years you'll look back on this statement and laugh your head off.

Prediction Two:

The next thing to take the title of "most painful thing I've ever felt" will be done by a lover, not a best friend.

This is not to belittle your feelings. Far from it -- in fact, from your post it sounds to me like you've handled the situation perfectly. But I can also all-but-guarantee you that within a year or two of graduation there will be new events in your life -- good AND bad -- that utterly dwarf any realignments of high school cliques. (And within a year or two of THAT will come experiences to dwarf THOSE.)

Quote:
I don't care if you read the bulk of this post, but I'm still interested to see if this kind of thing happens on a regular basis to people in their adolescent years.


Yes, it absolutely does. But the important thing to remember -- and the thing that I would tell myself if I could go back in time to meet myself in high school -- is just how little all this high school social crap matters. So have some fun with it if you can, and don't let it drive you to the brink. This is nothing but the practice round.

(Next secret: so is college.)

-Chess

Top
#342445 - 07/28/08 02:19 AM Re: Betrayal [Re: Chess]
Sakura Offline



Registered: 07/01/08
Posts: 220
Loc: The Circus
I can relate to the "problem" a bit. Even though my view is quite different. When I moved back home at 15/16, mostly being home schooled due to the lack of good schooling in Africa, I had to start attending a regular High School in the Netherlands. I remember being quite the attraction on my first day, which lasted throughout my High school career. The thing is, that I wasn't really placeable in a so-called box. I was never popular and I was never an outcast, I was just the "odd" one, with a nasty temper if you pissed me off or was looking for trouble.

I wasn't there to make friends, I was there for the sole purpose of graduating and moving on to the next stage. I had "friends" mostly consisting of "outcasts", who looked up to me in some weird way and a few popular kids who seemed to like the fact that I was "odd". The people that lashed out at me were mostly insecure and scared and had no other way of communicating. Or even better, they were just plain stupid. How many times was I called a "nigger" whilst I was actually white? I think I lost count along the way. I ignored them most of the time, or played pranks on them in front of the rest of the school (whoopee cushions and chewing gum that colors your teeth blue for example) so they'd feel embarrassed. Some of them actually still remember me, I think I left quite an impression back in the day grin.

As far as friendships go, I think it's age related in a weird way, I think when you are in High School, having friends and trying to "belong" are somehow the most important things and as you grow older you get other priorities. I've had friends and lost them countless times, usually because they betrayed me or hated me for some weird reason. Yes, it hurt, yes, I was angry, but I learned to cherish the friends I made along the way, because I know that sooner or later our paths are going to separate along the way, due to changes in life and personalities. Realizing friends are nice, but that YOU are the driver on the bus called "life" is probably the most important thing. Life is what YOU make of it, not the friends you encounter along the way, they're just nice to have fun with, but don't really do anything for your own personal growth, that's what you do yourself. Okay, not entirely, because there actually are people you can learn from, but in general it all comes down to your own choices.

I had a best friend, whom betrayed me after eight years of friendship. To be completely honest, she had been fucking me over all the time I knew her, I just never noticed. She was always so jealous of who I was and what I did, she spent her time deliberately sabotaging every single relationship I had. She just couldn't stand seeing me happy, whilst she was lost, spreading her legs for just about every man she could find. Somehow she always succeeded in driving a wedge between me and my partners. She also told my mother stuff I had told her in confidence, twisted my words and drove a wedge between me and my mother, which resulted in big fights and me leaving home. In the end my mother and I made up, and I confronted the friend about it and she apologized saying that it was never her intention. Stupid me for believing her.

About two and a half years ago I was in a relationship with someone that she knew quite well, and we were together for about a year and a half. He was her "big brother" so to speak and during that time I got to see her for whom she really was. She was going through relationship troubles which ended up in a break-up and whom did she cling to? Yep, my boyfriend. She'd call him up in the middle of the night because she needed "comfort" and he'd come running. He'd never talk about what happened there, but I wasn't that stupid. One night I asked her if she wanted my support as well, because she was my friend too, but she refused my help, accusing me of "having changed" and only using my boyfriend for his money. First of all he wasn't rich at all, I could have gotten someone who had more cash than he had, if I was a genuine "gold digger". I was so pissed at both of them I packed my bags, my three cats, called my mother to come and pick me up and I never saw them again.

I decided then and there that friends were nice to have, but that I also had to realize that most of them are temporary. Enjoy them while they are there, but don't depend on them to much. This is also why I love my cats so much, they are the most loyal "friends" I'll ever have and everything I share with them never leaves the house grin. Gotta love your furry/scaly/feathery companions!! I'm ranting again...
_________________________
"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "otherwise you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all: however she went on. "And how do you know that you're mad?"
"To begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. You grant that?"
"I suppose so," said Alice.
"Well, then, " the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."

Top
#342476 - 07/28/08 10:17 AM Re: Betrayal [Re: Sakura]
Descendant Offline


Registered: 07/24/08
Posts: 263
Loc: Inland Empire, Ca
Many people think of me as their "friend" but I don't really consider many people to be my "friend". Because of the way my personality has evoloved over the past 10-15 years (I'm 34 by the way) I have just about totally eliminated the need for friendships from my life, and am totally satisfied by that. Maybe due to my Elitest mentality and my choice to charish my life and my physical being instead of party away my sorrows and drown-out everything that I'm afraid to face. I totally agree that in school we are convinced that social status is all that matters even if it means our own identities be lost. Sometimes people wake-up and find themselves but sometimes people spend entire lifetimes striving to "fit-in" to that group that they always wanted to be part of. I have a few good friends but like me they have lives of their own to live, which works out perfect for me. Small doses of friendship works excellent in my world.
_________________________
"Jealousy is an emotion often found in individuals whose estimation of their own worth exceeds their achievements."- from "The Satanic Scriptures" by Peter H. Gilmore

Top
#342480 - 07/28/08 10:51 AM Re: Betrayal [Re: gypsy]
Rory_Rocketpants Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 11/28/05
Posts: 1795
Loc: unknown
Originally Posted By: gypsy
Doesn't anybody keep a fucking journal anymore or a diary? zombie



Oh Gypsy, how I miss you. smile

Top
#342508 - 07/28/08 02:37 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Rory_Rocketpants]
gypsy Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/04/01
Posts: 4749
Loc: Here
Quote:
Oh Gypsy, how I miss you. smile


Well, turn the damn thing back on already. wink
_________________________
"All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie."

"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."


Church of Satan

Top
#342524 - 07/28/08 06:16 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Charlie R]
DickSteele Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 1411
Quid pro quo

Top
#342720 - 07/29/08 09:07 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Svengali]
Enigma777 Offline


Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 291
Originally Posted By: Svengali

To paraphrase (and vandalize) Barbara Striesand; "People who need people are the most pathetic people in the world."


I strongly agree with most of your honest post except for this quote. But I may be looking at it differently than you intended so it might help to elaborate.
A child will die if it doesn't receive any care after birth. I needed my family when I was a kid, and I'm still loyal to them now.

Humans are social creatures and one shouldn't deny the benefits of government and society.
I know of a man who did, and followed his words and ideologies with much zeal and enthusiasm. He was young, full of energy and full of potential.............. He ended up alone, miserable, starved and dead inside an abandoned bus. skull He neglected everyone that loved him but still sought help from HUMANS on many occasions including even going to a homeless shelter grin
Chris Mccandless--Read Into the Wild or watch the film.


Edited by nicesatan777 (07/29/08 09:27 PM)

Top
#342731 - 07/29/08 10:17 PM Re: Betrayal [Re: Svengali]
Thos Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 08/14/07
Posts: 161
Loc: Pacific NW
I agree with you in the sense that getting ahead comes first. I have had a few long term friends and I am moving ahead with my plans and leaving them behind. There is the unspoken understanding that this must be done.

My own brother, who is like a best friend to me, is moving away to pursue his own education, and I couldn't be happier. In a sense, his drive to move on serves to strengthen my own resolve, and vice versa.

Real friends understand. Survival comes first.
_________________________

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Forum Stats
13160 Members
73 Forums
44435 Topics
407306 Posts

Max Online: 197 @ 10/04/11 04:49 AM
Advertisements

hold