I know I'm probably beating a dead horse right now, but I just had to point this out, it's just that absurd. This post is directed at the bumbling morons who populate the First Church of Satan
For the record, I'm a registered member of the real Church of Satan
, started by Dr. Anton LaVey and still going strong. I don't buy into any of these other satanic cults who claim to have evolved Dr. LaVey's philosophy and organization.
So I decided to go slumming tonight for some laughs and I ran across the FCOS website. It is disturbingly funny to read their material and see just how badly they envy the real Church of Satan
. Anyways, their pompous leader who identifies himself as LORD Egan (seriously, LORD!) Does I suppose what you could call his best at trying to sound as much like Dr. LaVey as possible without sounding like a complete idiot. Obviously, he fails miserably in this aspect, as he cribs ninety percent of his "core philosphy" from the Satanic Bible and then claims to pickup where it left off. But the joke doesn't end here. Just when it seems like this dumbass can't possibly get anymore pathetic or vulnerable, he actually states the following (taken word for word from their website):
"Humans who are direct representations of angelic or daemonic forms (same thing), pose a unique problem. At the time of this writing, the world population is approximately 6,253,082,868 people; approximately 300 of them are nephilim (angelic or daemonic beings). Lord Egan belongs to this tiny minority and yes, even in human form, we behave as energy amplifiers/equalizers. People who are mildly annoyed or even slightly jealous of the attention I receive can find themselves experiencing an accumulative effect that gathers more steam as it rolls along. Mild displeasure towards me, transmitted even on a subconscious level, is amplified and reflected back to the sender, often without my awareness! The sender senses this as Egan's over inflated ego lashing back angrily, so they in turn react with even more hostility, and the process advances to a new level, and so on, and so forth. To further add to this confusion, my human personality has no idea why people are lashing out, so I eventually become bitter, adding fuel to the fire."
Please, don't contain your laughter. I know Dr. LaVey said long ago that these imposters would eventually give themselves away as charlatans and thieves, and their jealousy would be so apparent that it would be apalling. But this psycho actually believes he is some sort of Judeo-Christian angelic/demonic super-human being!!! Now I put my support into the right organization, because I wasn't stupid enough to fall for these kinds of cult like shenanigans. Born satanists can sniff out the fakes. But how can anyone with half a brain fall for this kind of garabage?!
Yeah, he says he's picking up where we left off, he's right, yadda yadda yadda. Oh, yeah, and he's actually a demon.
Really, I almost pissed myself laughing. You ever get that feeling when you've been laughing so hard your cheeks hurt and your eyes sting from the tears? I'm like that right now.
(scan of membership card coming soon)