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#377628 - 04/12/09 05:34 AM Hymn To Ham
Azathoth Offline


Registered: 03/11/09
Posts: 152
One of the most interesting things I read as a child was that the tradition of eating ham on Easter originated as a way for medieval Christians to mock Old Testament law. This story may not entirely be true, eating pork may actually be a pre-Christian pagan tradition, but it holds a special place in my heart. As Magus LaVey pointed out in the Satanic Bible, the Right Hand Path religions regularly commit Black Masses against whatever came before them that they labeled as "unholy."

In my teens, I wasted a couple of years experimenting with the anti-pork Abrahamic religions. I tried both Judaism and Islam and the leaders of both spent a great deal of time trying to convince me that ham was evil. They could never explain very clearly why God would hate pork so much, but it was apparently important.

A Rabbi told me once, "God set up kosher law as a test. Those who cannot resist certain things don't have the discipline to be part of his choosen people."

I'll never forget a Muslim I used to know who would babble on about his hatred of pork all day long. It was unbelievable. You'd think he lived next door to a butcher shop.

"Look at these swine eaters," he'd say whenever someone who wasn't a Muslim made him unhappy, "I smell the pig on their greasy armpits! These people eat pig for breakfast, eat pig for lunch and then they eat it for dinner. They're sicker than pedophiles!" If a Muslim made him unhappy, he'd accuse them of eating pork and blame whatever they were doing on "swine chemicals." He was generally a nutcase and I believe he's now in jail for some deranged and stupid act.

I was constantly torn between skepticism of the idea that ham was evil and a misguided, fearful religious piousness. BLTs would be eaten- but with guilt for weeks afterward. Ham sandwiches in my lunch would be discared, except for the bread.

One Easter, I actually excused myself from the dinner table after my Mom had spent hours making Easter dinner and went for a walk because I was afraid something bad would happen if I ate the pork.

What a loony taboo. Granted, pork isn't the healthiest food, and it was even less healthy in ancient times, the hatred these religions have devouted to it is astounding.

So here's to one of the most widely celebrated Black Masses in the world. Today, I plan to consume a lot of pork. For breakfast, my family is having eggs and ham. For lunch, I plan to run to a local Mexican fast food place and have one of their wonderful bacon burritos. For dinner, I'll probably have Chinese food- and perhaps that will include some sort of pork entre.

Hail Satan!

Hail Ham!


Edited by Azathoth (04/12/09 05:39 AM)
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#377642 - 04/12/09 10:37 AM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Azathoth]
Ebenezer Scrooge Offline


Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 140
Loc: New England
ah, damn! looks like I'm going to hell then. I had bacon with my eggs this morning and am having ham for a late lunch/dinner thing for my birthday...and Easter too, I guess. lol!

Although, as much as I LOVE bacon and ham, most other pork is kinda blah to me. Like pork chops, I hate those, mostly. But I love ribs. lol! pork is hit or miss, some good and some bad.

They need to get rid of that retarded "the other white meat" slogan(bacon isn't white, nor is ham) and have this as their new marketing gimmick:

"Pork, taste so good it can't be kosher" wink

and I highly recommend sweet and sour pork and pork fried rice when it comes to good pork Chinese food. laugh


HAIL PORK! coopdevil

HS!
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#377647 - 04/12/09 11:41 AM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Ebenezer Scrooge]
Enigma777 Offline


Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 291
I don't want to ruin things but it is said that eating pork is the
closest thing you can get to eating human flesh! crossbones

I may have heard wrong, but scientists say pig flesh has much in common with human flesh and they apparently taste similar as well!
Well I guess that depends on how you prepare it. wink

So enjoy your meat everybody! tiki
I just thought it was an interesting fact


Edited by Enigma777 (04/12/09 12:09 PM)

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#377656 - 04/12/09 12:51 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Enigma777]
S810 Offline


Registered: 02/11/06
Posts: 326
Loc: northwest
Shemhamforash! (some ham for us?) hehehe. someone on this board wrote this quote or said it here. It is not mine, however it seemed appropriate.
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#377659 - 04/12/09 01:29 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: S810]
Enigma777 Offline


Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 291
I believe it was Magistra Ygraine.
Am I right?

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#377666 - 04/12/09 02:42 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Enigma777]
Azathoth Offline


Registered: 03/11/09
Posts: 152
I think it was High Priestess Nadramia, quoted by someone else.

Either way, Some Ham For Us!
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#377667 - 04/12/09 02:42 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Enigma777]
Albrecht Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 09/18/08
Posts: 31
Loc: Los Angeles
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#377672 - 04/12/09 02:58 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Albrecht]
Enigma777 Offline


Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 291
Ah, so it was High Priestess Nadramia!

Thanks for the correction.

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#377680 - 04/12/09 05:00 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Azathoth]
verszou Offline



Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1813
Loc: Denmark
One person I know had a muslim co-worker who ended up trying out bacon at a christmas lunch, then she went immediately to the toilet and threw the whole thing up again and considered herself saved by that.

It must be hell for those who are like her, because our local cuisine around all the holidays always has pork in it in some way.

Personally I like lamb around easter, because it allows me to make all kinds of silly "silence of the lambs" jokes, which I'm sure all my friends are already tired of by now smile ham is always nice though, one should never underestimate the yumminess of a glaced ham :-)



Edited by verszou (04/13/09 03:33 AM)
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#377700 - 04/12/09 07:34 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Enigma777]
John Prophet Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 04/06/09
Posts: 995
Loc: My suburban lair
Originally Posted By: Enigma777
eating pork is the closest thing you can get to eating human flesh!


Perhaps that’s why they call it “long-pig”.

Which, incidentally, is a convenient segue into more silly "silence of the lambs" jokes!
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#377738 - 04/13/09 03:34 AM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: John Prophet]
verszou Offline



Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1813
Loc: Denmark
As Eddie Izzard has it - "Humans taste of chicken ... and chicken tastes of human"

devilchili
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While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.

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#377840 - 04/13/09 10:23 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Azathoth]
nob'di Offline


Registered: 03/24/09
Posts: 38
Well then, I guess I should start invoking Porky the Pig during my rituals from now on!


"Hail Bacon!" devilchili

Maybe this could come in handy for someone needing to perform a sort of Black Mass to purge themselves of leftover guilt from an Islamic upbringing.

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#377848 - 04/13/09 10:47 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: nob'di]
StabAvery Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 11/16/05
Posts: 717
Loc: michigan
I do not have the info in front of me but I recall Dr. Lavey serving up a biopsied leg with some caterpillars and grenadine and things of that nature. Perhaps some of the older members can tell you how similar pork tastes.

On the same topic did anyone see the pouring coke on PORK video? I believe the myth got busted but its still gross. COOK PORK WELL!
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#378082 - 04/15/09 06:51 PM Re: Hymn To Ham [Re: Azathoth]
TheAbysmal Offline


Registered: 09/22/06
Posts: 1024
Well, I have a few thoughts on this that may or may not have legitemate bearing, but why not:

1) Ham is a dangerous meat to eat raw, or even a little undercooked, unless it is those special pork chops from Outback Steakhouse that are safe to cook to order. One of the symptoms of thrichinosis is ataxia, loss of muscular coordination and other effects of CNS damage. Of course, I doubt the likelihood that anyone knew this in biblical times, and the cases that did arise were maybe attributed to "punishment" for eating pork.

2) In one particular case of exorcism, Jesus allegedly cast demons into a bunch of swine--instead of the abyss--who thereafter apparently became overwhelmed with thirst. There are no other reports in the bible of Jesus casting demons into any other animal, so that definitely could leave a lasting impression on beleivers.

3) Maybe don't go all hog wild with the pork--pun intended--just because. By all means, have some and enjoy it. Maybe go bananas over fruit and veggies and easy on the fast food instead. My guess is you want to live a long life free of cholesterol and blood pressure problems where you can have plenty of mornings to enjoy some delicious bacon.
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