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#386678 - 07/03/09 05:47 AM Dealing with uninvited "guests".
Herr_S Offline


Registered: 12/25/08
Posts: 76
Loc: Mordor
Two friends invited themselves to stay at my home over the weekend. I said that it was OK for them to come, but now all of a sudden the number is up to eleven. Anyone who has their own place probably knows the fuss of having people staying at their place. It means more dishes, more cleaning, more expenses on food, etc. etc. I really don't want to deal with all the job that comes with having eleven guests.

Has anyone else here had the same problem? And how do I deal with the people coming over that I really don't want here?
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#386679 - 07/03/09 05:52 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: Herr_S]
Azathoth Offline


Registered: 03/11/09
Posts: 152
Close the door and tell them to go away?

These people sound like serious psychic vampires. Is there any reason why you feel you are obligated to let them stay with you? If not, just say no. If they're your friends, they should understand that inviting eleven people to your house is insane.
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#386680 - 07/03/09 05:53 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: Herr_S]
Drake_Bamboozle Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 06/25/02
Posts: 10581
Loc: England
I'm guessing you are not an assertive person then?

It is your own home. It would be quite easy to assert your wishes over this issue.

If you can't just politely inform people that you are not making arrangements for such a large party then I am afraid others will continue to walk all over you.

In the first instance when the two friends invited themselves would it not have been quite easy to simply say, "No, I'm afraid it's not convenient this weekend. But leave it with me and we'll definitely do something soon."
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#386682 - 07/03/09 06:07 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
Herr_S Offline


Registered: 12/25/08
Posts: 76
Loc: Mordor
Azathoth: I just don't want to come off like an asshole to them. I still like them as friends but there's no way I can have them all over here.

Rev_Strongbone: You're right. I'm too unassertive and it's not good for me.

I guess I let people walk over me and it's something that's got to change.

Thank you for your input.
_________________________
Each misdirected act of compassion is a waste of magical energy.

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#386684 - 07/03/09 07:32 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: Herr_S]
Spelled Moon
Unregistered


I agree with Rev_Strongbone, it's very simple. You can tell them, that you were expecting them coming in two, and that eleven is different situation and you're not willing to have so much people at home.
I think, that they should understand, and if not, I'd think of the quality of such "friendship".

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#386705 - 07/03/09 09:46 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: Herr_S]
Mephisto Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 07/03/02
Posts: 63
Loc: Portugal
Originally Posted By: Herr_S
Azathoth: I just don't want to come off like an asshole to them. I still like them as friends but there's no way I can have them all over here.

Rev_Strongbone: You're right. I'm too unassertive and it's not good for me.

I guess I let people walk over me and it's something that's got to change.

Thank you for your input.


I'd rather be an asshole than be somewhat of a "servent" in my own home.
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#386706 - 07/03/09 10:15 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: Herr_S]
iwnmutef Offline



Registered: 06/25/09
Posts: 64
I had a *somewhat* analogous situation once. I had two dear friends visiting, but then two more came around (this in a granny apartment built comfortably for one!) and it was just impossible. I finally made it subtly clear to the two other friends that I'd rather they leave, and they showed me their true colors by stealing my car for a week-long excursion down to San Francisco (they returned the car, detailed, as if that excused everything...). Needless to say, those two latter "friends" are now out of my life. Sadly, I've lost touch with one of those two original friends (she moved to a distant city), but I still keep up at least email contact with the other one (the man of my visions and dreams!).

I'd say tell the ones you want to go to go, and be *careful* when you do so, just in case some of your friends are falser than you think!
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"In the secret thoughts of each man and woman, still motivated by sound and unclouded minds, resides the potential of the Satanist, as always has been." - Anton LaVey, _The Satanic Bible_

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#386707 - 07/03/09 10:37 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: iwnmutef]
Empathy Offline


Registered: 06/14/09
Posts: 37
Loc: Houston
If 11 people can't chip in enough money to get a hotel room or two, then they have issues of their own. If I were you, I would impress upon your two friends the idea that two guests is fine, but eleven is unacceptable. They really should have known that for themselves though, as eleven people is quite a crowd.

I would say 2-5 people is my personal limit, when it comes to friends staying over. Anything more than that and it just overwhelms the logistical capabilities of a one bedroom apartment.

Sometimes people put you in a position where they force you to be the asshole. When that happens, don't be afraid to be one. It's not like you agreed to an unlimited number of guests, and are pulling back at the last minute. You agreed to two guests, and they decided to quintuple that number on their own, so they are in the wrong.
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#386709 - 07/03/09 10:48 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: Herr_S]
TheDegenerate Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 11/11/07
Posts: 3567
Loc: Cowtown
Three easy words that you can use in any situation.

"Go fuck yourselves."

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#386712 - 07/03/09 11:36 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: TheDegenerate]
Spelled Moon
Unregistered


Originally Posted By: Phosis
"Go fuck yourselves."


grin I'd use this as last choice to make people go away, if they were incapable to catch the meaning from longer and more polite sentence. smile

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#386737 - 07/03/09 09:49 PM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: ]
crystalclear Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 02/03/05
Posts: 282
Loc: VA
Some people just do not understand when you politely tell them to go away. Do not allow the psychic vampires in, and you will have nothing to complain about later. They can only take advantage if you allow them to do so.
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"Those who appear most sanctified are the worst" Elizabeth I

"The important thing is not what they think of me, but what I think of them" Queen Victoria

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#386748 - 07/04/09 04:09 AM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: Herr_S]
underworld Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 26
Loc: Germany
Originally Posted By: Herr_S
Azathoth: I just don't want to come off like an asshole to them. I still like them as friends but there's no way I can have them all over here.


To be honest, if someone is that rude to invite 9 strangers to my home without even asking me, I give a shit about them as friends. My home is my castle, and anybody who insults it in such a way is just not worth a second thought. Simply because anybody who respects me as I deserve it would never come up with such an idea in the first place.
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#386814 - 07/04/09 06:38 PM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: Herr_S]
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/25/01
Posts: 12990
Loc: The Solid State
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"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!

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#387155 - 07/08/09 07:17 PM Re: Dealing with uninvited "guests". [Re: TrojZyr]
Herr_S Offline


Registered: 12/25/08
Posts: 76
Loc: Mordor
Telling those people to go away was probably one of the best things I've ever done. At first it felt hard having to be an asshole, but the feeling afterwards was really rewarding. I've been too nice to people. I haven't seen how people have taken advantage of.. I guess my 'niceness' and generosity. Growing a pair of balls and telling people to fuck off is one of those things no one else can teach you but yourself. I just wish I could have done it sooner.

Hail Me!
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Each misdirected act of compassion is a waste of magical energy.

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