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#394717 - 09/14/09 12:51 AM Some poetry I wrote
XxBaalBerithxX Offline


Registered: 09/13/09
Posts: 2
Loc: Barrie Ontarion Canada
Where is my Mind?

I was alone and falling free the sound of the rain was drenching me soaking me to the very core
Where is my mind?
To the very core the moisture seeps in to seemingly defy time standing still the down tempo of my heart follows suit corresponding In every tone I am lost in this archaic undertone
Where is my mind?
A man lost on his own so enraged with the path he strayed from wonders……he ponders.
To repent or to comprehend on what has been given to him, he thinks he thoughts clouding the mind left aborted and torn to shreds from all thoughts once conceived to be beautiful, brilliant and pragmatic. He decides to cast out all doubt and to repent would be torture.
Where is my mind?
He bursts at the seems with willing thought and creativity and proclaims “ Lest I repent to a non-existent hypocritical false idol whose divine creation was only through a propagandised fear monger’s will.” No not I not today. Not as this blood flows through my veins. My breath in coherence with my heart, my brain forever lusting for knowledge not I as long as man I shall be called. To deny my carnal instincts would be far to much a waste for I am man an animal as any other on all fours. Through the divine spiritual and intellectual progression I am like natures other creatures all the same sometimes even worse but mostly better for I am the most vicious animal of all MAN!
Where is my mind?
It is in a place far away from fledging altruistic ideals, far away from the false prophets and those who take pride in speaking the most outrageous fallacies, but closest to the path that is definitively right. In such said set of mind where brutal truth can never be argued with false digressions.
I have found my mind!
Fear not those on the paths of resistance, those who are so blindly obligate to the conformity.
Feel nothing for these lambs to the slaughter for they will never know that a life devoid of knowledge leads no where and energy spent on things that do not come to fruition is the most stifling and obscene thing of all. Do not deny carnal instincts, do not love unless love will not be wasted, live wisely and true, live life the way nature has drawn it out. Live strong, live true, be genuine in all things you do!

Shemhamforash!

Tell me if you like it and if you don't that is fine as long as one person reads it and thinks deeply I finished what I sought to do
_________________________
I was, am now, and shall have no end. I exercise dominion over all creatures and over the affairs of all who are under the protection of my image.(The Al Jilwah)

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#394719 - 09/14/09 12:58 AM Re: Some poetry I wrote [Re: XxBaalBerithxX]
Drake_Bamboozle Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 06/25/02
Posts: 10573
Loc: England
That isn't poetry. It's prose.

Either way, it is virtually unreadable. It is unfocused and lacking in cohesion.
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"u.v.ray blends the dark street poetry of Nelson Algren with the swagger and style of a young Iggy Pop."

www.uvray.moonfruit.com





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#394739 - 09/14/09 09:21 AM Re: Some poetry I wrote [Re: Drake_Bamboozle]
Hedonist Offline


Registered: 01/21/09
Posts: 108
Loc: Australia
The only part I understood was 'Shemhamforash' - other than that, yeah... (To be honest, I just saw a block of text with no formatting - and with three or four glasses of absinthe under by belt skipped to the reverands critique, and that was enough for me)!

Heh.
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"Here and now is our day of joy! Here and now is our opportunity! Choose ye this day, this hour, for no redeemer liveth!"

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#394745 - 09/14/09 10:08 AM Re: Some poetry I wrote [Re: Hedonist]
Original Sly Offline


Registered: 09/10/09
Posts: 205
Loc: New Zealand
Your age shows through in that piece of writing.

There's a lot of unnecessary language in there that makes it quite hard to read. Cliche phrases like, "soaking me to the very core" have been done to death.

A lot of it is obviously lifted straight from TSB and I recognise the 4th and 7th Satanic Statements almost word for word.

And please don't take any kind of gratification from my words, because although you say, "if you don't that is fine as long as one person reads it and thinks deeply I finished what I sought to do", I didn't have to think deeply at all to see what I mentioned above.

I honestly didn't even read the whole thing. Isn't there a poetry section elsewhere on the forums?
_________________________
"It stands to reason that where there's sacrifice, there's someone collecting sacrificial offerings" - Ellsworth Toohey, Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead p.637

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#395151 - 09/17/09 08:27 PM Re: Some poetry I wrote [Re: Original Sly]
justnick88 Offline


Registered: 09/17/09
Posts: 22
Loc: Phx, AZ
That was so hard to read . Wow !!
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Whoever fights monsters should see to it in the process he does not become a monster , and when you look into an abyss the abyss also looks into you . - Friedrich Nietzsche


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#395217 - 09/18/09 11:35 AM Re: Some poetry I wrote [Re: justnick88]
precision Offline


Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 43
Although this isn't the worst thing I've ever read, secretly placing parts of the Satanic Statements in your poetry doesn't really do anything special.

I hope that you find it within your self to work on your skill, and when you have something that is 100% unique and yours, share it with friends and loved ones before you share it with strangers. Best of luck. Hail Satan.


Edited by precision (09/18/09 11:52 AM)
Edit Reason: eased up a bit on the harshness

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#395247 - 09/18/09 02:51 PM Re: Some poetry I wrote [Re: precision]
ArtAche86 Offline


Registered: 10/24/08
Posts: 380
Loc: Cthulhu's Bowels,Kentucky
A better format would be nice. It was rather hard to read, and to be honest, I didn't complete it.
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You stay classy,Satans!

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