I have a cold. Y'all know how that goes.
Snot, coughs, sneezing and misery. This is SO not the time to be representing myself in any sort of social context. I stay at home and wallow in self pity, whilst reading books and shit. A cup of tea. Even television!
Unreasonably, I have a clear and present feeling of a steel rod penetrating my entire skull, making me itch and sneeze whenver I have to turn my head (which for a lot of reasons you of course have to do every so often).
Now... I have some strong codeine tablets that really helps with that. (I do of course also have all the Sudafed and NyQuil shit all stocked up.) I take a pill and I get relieved of this insane idea that one of my eyes is trying to escape from its socket in order to do god-knows-what on its own out there in the big bad world.
I hate this shit!
But it is necessary. I have to endure and prevail. Take it like a man. With the pills. And the tea. And the mind-boggling fucking stupidity of all the shit that comes on TV. WTF? Is this my species? Is this me? Will I have to answer for this to anybody? Fuck me running, that shit's just embarrassing!

"The Power of Illusions"...???

Yes, banana revoked.

Wow, talk about violating Satanic Rule of the Earth #2. And maybe even #3 (if an admin implements #4, we'll know).

Dear diary.....

E.T. go home...

>>

I'm a fan of pills numbing the pain, as much as the next guy, but I can't imagine codein helping the flu or a cold. I'm pretty damned sure this isn't the place to produce your disjointed, high ramblings. (not trying any civilian policing or anything)

I do get what you mean, about how when you are ill you are something else entirely and being yourself goes out the window. I had my swine flu jab the other day and spent the night having surreal nightmares about cows, BUT I also think you hit the nail on the head in the opening statement... Now is not the time to represent yourself!

Now THAT is a story of interest. Please tell me more about these nightmare cows.

Well as you asked.

At the farm we have a feeding area which is pretty much a road through two sets of cows, and while I had a fever state after my flu jab I had to get the amount of food even on each side of the track, but instead of a pitch fork I was using the two forks on the front of the tractor. The cows had red eyes and were going mental. It was pretty scary at the time and it seemed to last hours!

It isn't a nightmare that will bother me though. The next day at the cow house all it took was to see a cow buck along, run head first into the wall and fall over into shit to know that the only thing scary is how stupid they are.

We call the rest of the world cattle for a reason.

I can graciously inform the world that I am feeling better today. On the birthday of Baby Jesus! Yay! (Hark! Now hear the angels sing.) This is of course no coincidence. I think it is caused by magnetic radiation from the Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland. I can only wish I had been further away when the aliens came.

Okie-dokie. Now that that has been cleared up, I would like to proceed. Does anyone here remember the story that the doctor wrote about whoopee cushions? I like that one. In fact, I like things that are funny - and not just because I am a smart motherfucker who likes to laugh at all the simpler life forms - but because it just feels good to laugh. It really does!

In a ho-ho-ha-ha-ha kind of way. Who cares? It's the birthday of Baby Jesus! (Hark! Now hear the angels sing.) It is quite amazing how many images that have been crammed into any average contemporary human being and how this motivates them to take action. Those poor motherfuckers are even worse off than when they were serfs. They just don't get it.

Here's my contribution to the party:

Okay seriously... I give up. *User Ignored*

What are you on? I'd like some. Before I disconnect my internet of course.

I'm with this guy. Whatever chemicals you're under the influence of are sure to put me on quite a bender.

So about 5ish people admitted to liking drugs,and I actually thought I was reading a 14 year old's livejournal. . .My Xmas just got worse. . .:P

Jesus in a cupcake... What started as a chuckle-chuckle-giggle quickly became a force of nature when I couldn't stop picturing this scene. I'm talking the Great Wheezing Hiccuping Guffaw that shakes your whole body and, when suppressed, just makes the belly jiggle that much more as all laugh energy is expelled out of the nose. Nothing like a fit of merriment to celebrate the merry merries.

Thanks for sharing.

Life on the farm is a funny thing. Do you even have any realistic idea about how powerful a common pig is? Man, I tell you; those are some pretty fucking strong animals. I grew up with cows and pigs and sheep and chickens and shit and shit and shit. Yeah I know what nature is about. It's about the fucking birth canal, the screaming bloody explosion of a torn pussy that evicerates a foetus so that the world can roll on. Or it is about the colon. Eat this, shit that. Animals do it. Chomp chomp.

Some friends of mine had a pig that went a little evil. Actually it became quite dangerous. Do you know anything about pigs? If you don't, just trust me when I say that you don't want them chasing you. What were they going to do? Lord of the flies! Of course! "Kill the pig!". Being four guys they felt pretty confident. They had ropes and knives. And a shotgun. The only problem is, you can't kill a target that refuses to stay within range. And you don't want to get too enthusiastic with your shotgun (a Cheney?) within the firing range of where your mates are moving.

So... stalking a pig with lassos. Fabulous. They finally suceeded in capturing one of its legs inside the barn, making the really rather large male pig become REALLY furious, so it was at the point when all four of them came smashing right through the wall, splinters flying all over the place, men and beast hanging at ropes for their bare lives, that the neighbour "grandpa" simply walked right up to the wiggling pig and shot it five times with his handgun. Then he grinned. "Y'all guys dreaming of becoming farmers? Go back to the fucking city, you pussies."

The power of piggies compels you.

Go back to sleep.