During college I worked at a beauty supply store. A co-worker used to gush and gush at customers about how PRETTY they were regardless of whether or not it was true. It was so ridiculously over-the-top, so absurdly animated, that it sounded more snarky than flattering to me. Ingratiation just grates on my nerves though.

After one of these performances, when the customer was safely out of earshot and the gal's facial expressions relaxed back into flat-affect-boredom, I asked her if she thought all of that really worked. "Oh, you'd be surprised."

Flattery Will Get You Far

I know enough not to believe flattery, for the most part. If half of it were true, I would be rich, famous and a porn star. I’m sharp enough not to believe I am as ingenious as I have been told, I am not insecure about my looks enough to believe I am as good looking as I have been told; and, I damn well know six inches when I see it, so I can’t be as hung as I have been told. (Only one of those is not true.) Of course, insincere flattery is never used here…

Genuine compliments from certain people have the ability to render me totally speechless (and anyone who's read my endless yattering posts knows just how remarkable that is).

But obvious, graceless, gratuitous flattery is irksome because I have to puzzle out what's actually being said and why. Figure out the angle as they say in Miller's Crossing. It never seems to have anything to do with me. It usually says more about the person saying it than it does about me. Know what I mean, jelly bean?

I think Flattery works quite well with the herd, provided it is used in the right way, so not over the top, I would say, it must sound "natural" and heartfelt.
A lot of people are insecure and have such a low self esteem and this is why it works.
As everything, must be done intelligently, to make it work.

I agree! It can be very effective on a lot of people. I also think my reaction is kind of common -- "Oh I never fall for that stuff!" I posted the article though because it says that insincere flattery may also work on the smart cookies in the crowd. The folks who know exactly what's going on.



Food for thought.

I do know what you mean! And I do hate having to puzzle out the underlying meaning of a compliment or "compliment."

The most annoying thing is when some repressed and/or subconsciously passive aggressive person gushingly compliments me on something that I suspect they actually find irritating, offensive, or just strange and confusing. If my sense is that they are trying to force themselves into a cheerful, tolerant, or charitable state of mind, I just feel embarrassed for them, and I wish they wouldn't bother. If I confuse or ruffle you, then I confuse or ruffle you!

Of course, I really don't like passive-aggression, either, and once again, I really wish you'd keep your damn mouth shut, or actually insult me in earnest.

I think if you want your compliments to really hit home, they have to be few and far between (especially the gushy ones), and largely focused on the things that the person already sees and values in himself or herself. I surely don't trust the person who is ALWAYS cartoonishly gooshing over my appearance any further than I can toss 'er left-handed (because a man who does that is trying to get laid, and a woman who does that is probably being a passive-aggressive bitch).

But, I am always gracious when I accepting compliments, even the ones I suspect are bullshit .

Dale Carnegie would have a lot to say about this.

Sincere flattery works wonders. Faked and inflated flattery will get you comments behind your back - brownnoser.

If I am not fond of someone I will either hold my tongue or find something that I truly do find impressive about the person that I can honestly separate my dislike of them from my respect for their trait/talent/knowledge/etc.. It works if you can truly show an appreciation for what you have picked out to highlight.

Of course flattery works best when you genuinely like the person. But that is usually difficult.

It all depends upon the target.

Some folks are so Ego deprived that one compliment even a fake one will make them feel like a big shot. Pretentiousness at its highest level.

Flattery can be a useful tool in the Lesser Magic department but it isn't the most reliable. Sometimes you are expected to back your flattery up in which case you then can become the victim of a psychic vampire.

Well said Warlock Discipline!

And no this is NOT insincere flattery.

Does insincere flattery work... does telling people what they want to hear work.... Well, what else is Lesser Magic?

Big pet peeve of mine too! As horribly sexist as this sounds, I characterize passive-aggression as a Woman -- says one thing, means another. It's sooooooo tedious. I always prefer to just know what's what. I want to know what people mean. Which doesn't seem to be as straightforward a task as it was when I was younger.



Absolutely! I never like the thought of people having so much sway over me that they can change who I am. And I'm not rude, damnit.

Well for me that would depend on the circumstance.

Obviously if someone is bullshitting me sometimes I'll go along with it but more often than not I always ask them why they are saying what they are. Sometimes there's an agenda behind such bullshit and my experience has proven to be on your guard in such circumstances.

Amen to that.

The whole economy is based on flattery when it comes to sales.
It is simply amazing to see what flattery can do if you manage to keep a straight face.
Hell, if you are endowed enough you can let people buy the biggest bullshit.

Oh Rooster, thank you for this visual.

Yes! It does. All the time.

I'll call a fat ugly bitch a beautiful swan. I'll call the dumbest man on Earth a brilliant son-of-a-bitch. I'll call a cat a lion. A plant a tree.

I'm a Closer!

As long as they sign their name on that dotted line, I could give a fuck less if my flattery is "sincere" or not.