Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#410211 - 01/26/10 09:58 AM Does Insincere Flattery Work?
Shade Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 6135
Loc: A Trailer Park
During college I worked at a beauty supply store. A co-worker used to gush and gush at customers about how PRETTY they were regardless of whether or not it was true. It was so ridiculously over-the-top, so absurdly animated, that it sounded more snarky than flattering to me. Ingratiation just grates on my nerves though.

After one of these performances, when the customer was safely out of earshot and the gal's facial expressions relaxed back into flat-affect-boredom, I asked her if she thought all of that really worked. "Oh, you'd be surprised."

Flattery Will Get You Far

Quote:
Here at Scientific American we understand the wisdom of our readership. Your intellect sets you apart from the rest of the population, and we are gracious to have you as visitors to this website. As someone of exceptional judgment, we know you will be interested in subscribing to our exclusive online material, appropriate for only the most discerning intellectuals, and available to you for only $9.99/month.
_________________________
"What happens in the shadow, in the grey regions, also interests us – all that is elusive and fugitive, all that can be said in those beautiful half tones, or in whispers, in deep shade." ~ The Brothers Quay

We're Just Regular People

Top
#410214 - 01/26/10 10:44 AM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Shade]
Roho_the_Rooster Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 03/10/05
Posts: 6999
Loc: Pre-Apocalypolis
I know enough not to believe flattery, for the most part. If half of it were true, I would be rich, famous and a porn star. I’m sharp enough not to believe I am as ingenious as I have been told, I am not insecure about my looks enough to believe I am as good looking as I have been told; and, I damn well know six inches when I see it, so I can’t be as hung as I have been told. (Only one of those is not true.) Of course, insincere flattery is never used here… grin
_________________________
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces

http://theepicureandilettante.blogspot.com/

"Life is the only race you lose by reaching the end." - M.M.

Top
#410218 - 01/26/10 11:17 AM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Roho_the_Rooster]
Shade Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 6135
Loc: A Trailer Park
Genuine compliments from certain people have the ability to render me totally speechless (and anyone who's read my endless yattering posts knows just how remarkable that is).

But obvious, graceless, gratuitous flattery is irksome because I have to puzzle out what's actually being said and why. Figure out the angle as they say in Miller's Crossing. It never seems to have anything to do with me. It usually says more about the person saying it than it does about me. Know what I mean, jelly bean?

Originally Posted By: Roho_the_Rooster
Of course, insincere flattery is never used here; grin


grin wink
_________________________
"What happens in the shadow, in the grey regions, also interests us – all that is elusive and fugitive, all that can be said in those beautiful half tones, or in whispers, in deep shade." ~ The Brothers Quay

We're Just Regular People

Top
#410221 - 01/26/10 11:22 AM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Shade]
Grigorios Offline



Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 85
Loc: Roma Italy
I think Flattery works quite well with the herd, provided it is used in the right way, so not over the top, I would say, it must sound "natural" and heartfelt.
A lot of people are insecure and have such a low self esteem and this is why it works.
As everything, must be done intelligently, to make it work. wink
_________________________
Hail Satan!

The Undercroft




Top
#410226 - 01/26/10 11:43 AM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Grigorios]
Shade Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 6135
Loc: A Trailer Park
I agree! It can be very effective on a lot of people. I also think my reaction is kind of common -- "Oh I never fall for that stuff!" I posted the article though because it says that insincere flattery may also work on the smart cookies in the crowd. The folks who know exactly what's going on.

Quote:
... awareness of when we’re being put on may not be enough to curb the effectiveness of insincerity... What this research suggests, however, is that the implicit positivity we experience as a result of viewing these images could play an important role in what we reach for when standing in the liquor store staring at a freezer full of cheap beer. You may not know why, but you’d feel pretty good about a Bud right now. And while you feel certain to you that your preference is not due to those silly ads (just like it might seem obvious to a manager that they didn’t promote a candidate because he brings her donuts every morning), perhaps it is the certainty with which we dismiss these kinds of manipulative and deceptive appeals that allows them to hold such sway.


Food for thought. smile
_________________________
"What happens in the shadow, in the grey regions, also interests us – all that is elusive and fugitive, all that can be said in those beautiful half tones, or in whispers, in deep shade." ~ The Brothers Quay

We're Just Regular People

Top
#410230 - 01/26/10 11:56 AM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Shade]
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/25/01
Posts: 12990
Loc: The Solid State
Originally Posted By: Shade
But obvious, graceless, gratuitous flattery is irksome because I have to puzzle out what's actually being said and why. Figure out the angle as they say in Miller's Crossing. It never seems to have anything to do with me. It usually says more about the person saying it than it does about me. Know what I mean, jelly bean?


I do know what you mean! And I do hate having to puzzle out the underlying meaning of a compliment or "compliment."

The most annoying thing is when some repressed and/or subconsciously passive aggressive person gushingly compliments me on something that I suspect they actually find irritating, offensive, or just strange and confusing. If my sense is that they are trying to force themselves into a cheerful, tolerant, or charitable state of mind, I just feel embarrassed for them, and I wish they wouldn't bother. If I confuse or ruffle you, then I confuse or ruffle you!

Of course, I really don't like passive-aggression, either, and once again, I really wish you'd keep your damn mouth shut, or actually insult me in earnest.

I think if you want your compliments to really hit home, they have to be few and far between (especially the gushy ones), and largely focused on the things that the person already sees and values in himself or herself. I surely don't trust the person who is ALWAYS cartoonishly gooshing over my appearance any further than I can toss 'er left-handed (because a man who does that is trying to get laid, and a woman who does that is probably being a passive-aggressive bitch).

But, I am always gracious when I accepting compliments, even the ones I suspect are bullshit wink.
_________________________
"Gentlemen, the verdict is guilty, on all ten counts of first-degree stupidity. The penalty phase will now begin."--Divine, "Pink Flamingos."

"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!

Top
#410231 - 01/26/10 11:56 AM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Shade]
Discipline Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 6796
Loc: Forever West
Dale Carnegie would have a lot to say about this.

Sincere flattery works wonders. Faked and inflated flattery will get you comments behind your back - brownnoser.

If I am not fond of someone I will either hold my tongue or find something that I truly do find impressive about the person that I can honestly separate my dislike of them from my respect for their trait/talent/knowledge/etc.. It works if you can truly show an appreciation for what you have picked out to highlight.

Of course flattery works best when you genuinely like the person. But that is usually difficult.
_________________________
"I've learned . . . that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes." ~Andy Rooney

"At last I shall have time to devote myself seriously and freely to the destruction of all my former opinions." ~Descartes

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself—and you are the easiest person to fool.” ~Richard Feynman

Top
#410233 - 01/26/10 12:30 PM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Shade]
Unknown Offline
Unknown

Registered: 03/31/05
Posts: 1649
It all depends upon the target.

Some folks are so Ego deprived that one compliment even a fake one will make them feel like a big shot. Pretentiousness at its highest level.

Flattery can be a useful tool in the Lesser Magic department but it isn't the most reliable. Sometimes you are expected to back your flattery up in which case you then can become the victim of a psychic vampire.
_________________________









Top
#410234 - 01/26/10 12:32 PM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Discipline]
Unknown Offline
Unknown

Registered: 03/31/05
Posts: 1649
Well said Warlock Discipline!

And no this is NOT insincere flattery. grin
_________________________









Top
#410236 - 01/26/10 12:48 PM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Shade]
J. Favenris Offline



Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 159
Loc: Portland, Oregon
Does insincere flattery work... does telling people what they want to hear work.... Well, what else is Lesser Magic?
_________________________
"Training is nothing! The will is everything! The will to act." - Ra's al Ghul

Top
#410237 - 01/26/10 12:51 PM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: TrojZyr]
Shade Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 6135
Loc: A Trailer Park
Originally Posted By: TrojZyr
Of course, I really don't like passive-aggression, either, and once again, I really wish you'd keep your damn mouth shut, or actually insult me in earnest.


Big pet peeve of mine too! As horribly sexist as this sounds, I characterize passive-aggression as a Woman -- says one thing, means another. It's sooooooo tedious. I always prefer to just know what's what. I want to know what people mean. Which doesn't seem to be as straightforward a task as it was when I was younger.

Quote:
I am always gracious when I accepting compliments, even the ones I suspect are bullshit wink.


Absolutely! I never like the thought of people having so much sway over me that they can change who I am. And I'm not rude, damnit. grin
_________________________
"What happens in the shadow, in the grey regions, also interests us – all that is elusive and fugitive, all that can be said in those beautiful half tones, or in whispers, in deep shade." ~ The Brothers Quay

We're Just Regular People

Top
#410241 - 01/26/10 01:30 PM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: TrojZyr]
Unknown Offline
Unknown

Registered: 03/31/05
Posts: 1649
Quote:
But, I am always gracious when I accepting compliments, even the ones I suspect are bullshit


Well for me that would depend on the circumstance.

Obviously if someone is bullshitting me sometimes I'll go along with it but more often than not I always ask them why they are saying what they are. Sometimes there's an agenda behind such bullshit and my experience has proven to be on your guard in such circumstances.
_________________________









Top
#410252 - 01/26/10 02:15 PM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: J. Favenris]
Dimitri Offline


Registered: 05/10/09
Posts: 19
Originally Posted By: Favenris
Does insincere flattery work... does telling people what they want to hear work.... Well, what else is Lesser Magic?

Amen to that.

The whole economy is based on flattery when it comes to sales.
It is simply amazing to see what flattery can do if you manage to keep a straight face.
Hell, if you are endowed enough you can let people buy the biggest bullshit.

Top
#410259 - 01/26/10 03:27 PM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Roho_the_Rooster]
MissMina1556 Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 03/05/08
Posts: 1386
Loc: USA
Quote:
and, I damn well know six inches when I see it, so I can't be as hung as I have been told.


Oh Rooster, thank you for this visual.

witch
_________________________
YOU ARE DEEP, DARK AND LOVELY.


Top
#410261 - 01/26/10 03:35 PM Re: Does Insincere Flattery Work? [Re: Shade]
Callier Offline

CoS Warlock

Registered: 08/30/06
Posts: 2210
Yes! It does. All the time.

I'll call a fat ugly bitch a beautiful swan. I'll call the dumbest man on Earth a brilliant son-of-a-bitch. I'll call a cat a lion. A plant a tree.

I'm a Closer!

As long as they sign their name on that dotted line, I could give a fuck less if my flattery is "sincere" or not.
_________________________
$$$ Get Rich or Die Tryin' $$$

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Forum Stats
12278 Members
73 Forums
43879 Topics
404434 Posts

Max Online: 197 @ 10/04/11 06:49 AM
Advertisements