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#427449 - 07/25/10 05:34 PM Darwin awards
Hatred_Incarnate Offline


Registered: 03/26/09
Posts: 124
This was recently forwarded to my personal email. I figure it's fit to share here as we seem to have lost survival of the fittest in humanity for the most part.



2010 DARWIN AWARDS
You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado here are the 2010 Darwin awards.

8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

7th Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

6th Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

5th Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was caused when the long torch he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

4th Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

3rd Place
After walking around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds
from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 a.m. So they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then
tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves.... 'shit happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL!
_________________________
Ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is power.
-Me (I think)
Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.
-Fry Futurama
Crocodilians take better care of their young then a lot of parents I know.
-Dr. Brady Barr

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#427453 - 07/25/10 07:08 PM Re: Darwin awards [Re: Hatred_Incarnate]
Roger Offline
Banned

Registered: 07/20/10
Posts: 81
Loc: NJ
Love the list! You should come to work with me on day. You'll have even a greater appreciation for Darwin. LOL

Maybe I should come up with a list of crazy paramedic calls! Thanks for the idea. I will follow up soon.
_________________________
Only the weak ask for mercy, the strong accept the consequences of their actions without regard for the outcome (punishment)!

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#427457 - 07/25/10 08:25 PM Re: Darwin awards [Re: Roger]
Hatred_Incarnate Offline


Registered: 03/26/09
Posts: 124
That sounds like a great idea. You could probably make a 'Medical Darla/Darwin Award' list. (The Darla awards are like the Darwin awards, but these people survived.)
_________________________
Ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is power.
-Me (I think)
Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.
-Fry Futurama
Crocodilians take better care of their young then a lot of parents I know.
-Dr. Brady Barr

Top
#427458 - 07/25/10 09:00 PM Re: Darwin awards [Re: Hatred_Incarnate]
Machismo Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 02/05/10
Posts: 1132
Loc: New Jersey
Entertaining - but that wasn't the 2010 list.
_________________________


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#427459 - 07/25/10 09:12 PM Re: Darwin awards [Re: Machismo]
Hatred_Incarnate Offline


Registered: 03/26/09
Posts: 124
That looks a whole hell of a lot more official then the email forward I got from my mom
_________________________
Ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is power.
-Me (I think)
Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.
-Fry Futurama
Crocodilians take better care of their young then a lot of parents I know.
-Dr. Brady Barr

Top
#429987 - 08/23/10 09:18 AM Re: Darwin awards [Re: Hatred_Incarnate]
MagdaGraham Offline
CoS Priestess

Registered: 06/23/04
Posts: 13369
Loc: Scotland
This man should qualify

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-...-hatchback.html

driving a R-O-V-E-R ?????????????????
_________________________
We are the makers of manners. (Shakespeare)

http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3

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#429992 - 08/23/10 09:30 AM Re: Darwin awards [Re: MagdaGraham]
Spelled Moon Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 12/25/08
Posts: 1691
Some Darwin awards are so beautiful examples of how the industry is helpful in a natural elimination of 'incapable' organisms. smile They eliminate themselves.

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#430284 - 08/27/10 10:40 AM Re: Darwin awards [Re: Spelled Moon]
Furrtiv Offline


Registered: 10/04/08
Posts: 112
Loc: Derbyshire, England
Oh my goodness, I haven't laughed so hard for quite some time, thankyou for posting those!:D

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#454102 - 06/15/11 10:33 AM Re: Darwin awards [Re: Hatred_Incarnate]
MagdaGraham Offline
CoS Priestess

Registered: 06/23/04
Posts: 13369
Loc: Scotland
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-...emove-WART.html

Doesn't quite qualify, but a worthy runner-up.
_________________________
We are the makers of manners. (Shakespeare)

http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3

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#479674 - 08/28/12 11:08 AM Re: Darwin awards [Re: Hatred_Incarnate]
MagdaGraham Offline
CoS Priestess

Registered: 06/23/04
Posts: 13369
Loc: Scotland
_________________________
We are the makers of manners. (Shakespeare)

http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3

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#480129 - 09/06/12 03:36 PM Re: Darwin awards [Re: Hatred_Incarnate]
J. Favenris Offline



Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Portland, Oregon
The Darwin Awards are great! With the oceanic amount of stupidity found in the world, I found that it is much better to laugh at depravity of the human herd rather than be angered or depressed by it. There's always a smile on my face when another one of these cretins bite the dust. IMPROVE THE GENE POOL!
_________________________
"Training is nothing! The will is everything! The will to act." - Ra's al Ghul

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#480268 - 09/09/12 09:53 PM Re: Darwin awards [Re: TheMerryRose]
Hagen von Tronje Offline

CoS Priest

Registered: 06/28/01
Posts: 10118
Given that the Darwin Awards are meant to mock lethal stupidity, it is...highly questionable, to say the very least, that you have posted stories related to the accidental death of small children. This is unworthy behavior for a Satanist.

I remind you that while we scorn stupidity in adults, our stance is that small children are innocent and certainly not responsible for accidental death due to mishap or negligence. Surely you are not holding a two year old to the same standards as an adult and ridiculing his death?

I will also point out that I am only being so gentle because I do not know your intentions, though I can hardly think of any reasoning that does not speak to a complete lack of taste. I trust I will not see such things again.
_________________________
"The devil I'll bring you," answered Hagen. "I have enough to carry with my shield and breastplate; my helm is bright, the sword is in my hand, therefore I bring you naught."

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#480271 - 09/09/12 10:48 PM I would never ! [Re: Hagen von Tronje]
TheMerryRose Offline


Registered: 06/25/12
Posts: 54
Loc: the City Of Sin.
I would never mock innocent children for there parents negligence and/or stupidity! It was my thinking that the parents of these small children should be given there own "runner up" awards (If not full fleged ones!) for the rather apt removal of there own D.N.A. from the gene pool. I also thought that by drawing attention to these storys we might prevent some future tragedies.

I apologize for any lack of clarity on my part.
_________________________
tiki You don't get to make the rules in my house! - T. M. R. tiki

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#480276 - 09/10/12 12:12 AM Re: I would never ! [Re: TheMerryRose]
Hagen von Tronje Offline

CoS Priest

Registered: 06/28/01
Posts: 10118
I wish to make sure I am reading this correctly, and that you understand what Darwin Awards are.

To preface, you are aware that Darwin Awards recognize poetic justice in stupidity being painful/lethal, yes?

In light of that, examine this quote:

"It was my thinking that the parents of these small children should be given there own "runner up" awards (If not full fleged ones!) for the rather apt removal of there own D.N.A. from the gene pool."

You are saying, in your own words, that it is "apt" that children should die because their parents were criminally stupid.

If I am at my absolute most generous, I can only hope that you have simply not thought this through, and that you are viewing the "removing yourself from the gene pool" idea to extend by proxy to actually born children as well, without contemplating that what you are saying is that children should die because their parents were inadequate.

Even so, as I stated before, I can find no reasoning that is not utterly tasteless - to put it mildly.

Putting aside human decency, how do you think such a statement reflects on us? Did you consider how an organization already called the Church of Satan might feel about someone who calls themself an adherent to our religion making such a comment? Does this really strike you as elite behavior?

I also wish to point out:

"I also thought that by drawing attention to these storys we might prevent some future tragedies."

This is a pointless platitude, no doubt intended to soften the impact of what you must surely now realize is a profoundly thoughtless statement. If you see that you've made a mistake, it is far more respectable to simply make an honest admission that you were in error and did not think this through than it is to veil it with an excuse we can all see to be false - not to mention a meaningless goodguy badge. You know full well nobody here (and probably not anywhere) is going to make a life changing realization due to these stories and save a child's life, there is no need for a media-grade sound byte of bullshit.

I make this clear: you have less to fear from me by being brutally honest, even about fuckups, than you do by backpedalling. If I were going to ban you for this I would have done it already without discussion.

As I said, I trust I will not see such disreputable commentary again.
_________________________
"The devil I'll bring you," answered Hagen. "I have enough to carry with my shield and breastplate; my helm is bright, the sword is in my hand, therefore I bring you naught."

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