Is it okay that I call you Dana?
Judging by what I have read that you wrote, I would say you are actually very good at opening up. I already feel like I know more about you than perhaps I should in the span of three posts. Of course, I do not mean for that to come across as rudely to you. Rather, I aim to complement you on your obvious success in your effort to open up more, if not to also suggest you might find it better to be a little more guarded in what details you reveal up front.
This is, after all, on the Internet. Many of the people here probably can be trusted, and I know that I trust a handful of them myself. Still, lots of nefarious types could be here, too. While it is only a matter of time that they are discovered and seen to the door, probably better not to give them too much information while they are still here, right?
If I could chime in on your last comment--and keep in mind I am not a member of the Church of Satan
, let alone the Priesthood--no Satanist here would have you choose to buy the Satanic Bible over being able to feed yourself. If your choices are food or the Satanic Bible, rest assured, the Satanic Bible can wait.
In the meantime, while you get your work and finances where you want them, you can read what is available at the Church of Satan
website nearly for free. The only real cost there is whatever it costs you for Internet access.
Best of luck to you in getting to where you want to be.