I found this encounter to be humorous, so I thought I would share. This morning, I was alerted that I had a new follower on Twitter. Naturally, I was curious as to who this person was. Apparently this "Mike Cleveland" (http://twitter.com/mikejody) takes it upon himself to seek out non believers and attempt to convert them. I was, for the most part, civil until it proved inadequate in shooing him away. Anyway... I tried to format this for easier reading.

Me: I'm a bit confused as to why a sheep like @MikeJody is following me.
[They do say the lord is their shephard...]
Mike: Just for fun, I guess; and to see if maybe you might be open to the truth and eternal life in Jesus.
Me: I dont invest faith in fairy tale. My faith is reserved for the one true God known as Me, Myself, and I. An unholy trinity, per se.
Mike: Check and see how good of a "savior" you, yourself, and you are, when it comes time to die. Hmmm...who believes a fairy tale again?
[I didn't realize I needed saving. ]
Me: Haha. You're humorous. You allude to an afterlife as if you have scientific evidence to support your belief in it. Carry on, sheep.
[Note: I said "afterlife", not "Jesus".]
Mike: More real evidence that Jesus lived, died and rose again than Abe Lincoln ever lived. You do believe history don't you?
[Yet he changes subjects.]
Me: Please present your evidence, as the bible is not "history". And you do realize how futile it is to convert a Satanist, don't you?
[A simple request and a fair warning.]
Mike: Evidence is in historical literature (as well as the Bible), which anyone can find easily. It's easy for God to convert a Satanist.
[Notice he doesn't actually offer any of this evidence.]
Me: If a Satanist was deceived into being converted by God, they were never a Satanist to begin with (in my opinion). I should mention that I am not a representative of the Church of Satan and anything I say is of my own views and opinions.
Mike: "A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly, the Word grew in power." Love it! Easy! Yes, I understand your saying about "once a Satanist, always a Satanist", but remember God has been converting unbelievers for years. And I would love to watch Him convert you, give you a hope and a future, and eternal life. Wow, how wonderful!
[Apparently, I have no hope or future.]
Me: How nice of you to belittle my achievements. I have "hope and a future". You don't have any idea as to what my life is like. And furthermore, I have been entirely civil with you despite your ignorance; but since you have insisted on insulting me, I say FUCK OFF, SHEEP. I will not waste my time conversing with a slave. Now... run along and spout your absurdities to someone else.
[Temper, temper.]
Mike: Interesting how you must use profanity, rather than consider rationally what I have said. I won't stoop to calling you names. Your achievements will perish in the grave with you. Jesus' achievement on the cross lasts forever, and gives REAL hope and future.
[OMGWTFBBQ?!]
Me: Rationally? What could you possibly know about rationality? You live your life according to a FAIRY TALE. And look at how you behave. You feel it necessary to seek out and harass people that do not believe the same as you. NEVER have I attempted to "convert" anyone. Believe what you want, but keep it to yourself.
[A fair request, I would think.]
Mike: Why must you argue against your own freedom and life? Talk about insanity! Wow.
[lulz]
Me: Freedom and life? Mans nature is to survive. Nothing more. You are the one denying your true carnal self. You're completely blind.
[Perhaps I could have elaborated a bit more here.]
Mike: No sir, you live your life according to a fairy tale, refusing to believe historically verifiable truth. Your head is in the sand. Yes, I sought you out, hoping you would be receptive to gaining eternal life, but since you reject it, I will move on.
[He never shared his "historically verifiable truth". And I was really hoping he would save my soul!]

Honestly, I was just waiting for him to say, "And all of this can be yours for only 3 easy payments of $19.95!" It's one thing to have JWs and Mormons knocking on my door, but now my own little insignificant life on the interwebz? Sheesh.

A question, for the sake of conversation: How do you go about handling people who attempt to witness to you?

I would usually approach this in two ways:

If the interaction is in person, I would politely and firmly state that I'm not interested in what they have to say. Most of the time, that stops them in their tracks. Most "witnesses" to "unbelievers" usually aren't expecting to be treated with politeness.

If the interaction is online, this is the easiest way to slag them off, just don't respond. Some christians and others of a like faith, especially the newly "washed" are just looking for a faith fight. It really gets to them if you don't respond and then suddenly become all fire and brimstone, doom and gloom, "you're going to hell" type stuff. It usually doesn't take long for them to show their true colors.

These are both simply my opinions, take them for what you will.

Thank you for your reply! And opinions are exactly what I'm looking for. Your approach is most likely more effective than mine. I do tend to handle things a bit differently in person, however. So long as they are polite, I am as well.

I suppose my hostility toward this guy was mainly due to dealing with shit like this on a regular basis (in person). I live in a town where simply walking out of Walmart with a 12 pack will result in a "talkin' to" from some uppity Baptist.

Maybe next time I'll just block the person from the get-go.

Edit: Shit grammar.

Actually, I never really get much attention from them at all.

They keep their distance.

Mormons don't knock on the door, JWs don't bother me or even turn on my street.

Few people know what I am. Outside of those choice individuals, I keep to myself quite a bit.

I prefer that peacefulness I have and enjoy every minute of it.

Should I run into someone who tries to convert me, I would refer them to their own bible and ask them to look up Revelations 22:11.

Lucky you. In day to day life, it's not even due to being a Satanist. I don't wear a sign on my forehead or have "HAIL SATAN" tattooed down my arms or dress like some confused goth kid; basically, I don't put myself out to there to be bothered. They don't care who you are or what you believe. They have an "if your not with us, you're against us" type attitude.

Online, however, I am much more open. It is my place to vent and ramble. The friends I stay in touch with online know exactly who I am and none of them could give a rats ass about it. I suppose that's why they're friends.


Nice! I may have to steal this one from you!

That sounds like me in some ways. I would dress in goth clothes on occasion but normally, I wear Polo.



Sure. By all means.

This will elaborate in depth about that verse. Just scroll down until you see where it talks about the verse. It could come useful against anyone who's attempting to convert you.

It basically explains that we will do what our nature dictates regardless of what they'll say and they're wasting their time talking to us.

Looks to me like you invited it, by wondering aloud why he was following you. You could have ignored him, blocked him, or just not have engaged past his first reply (which was an answer to the question you yourself asked).

I find the best way to not have tedious conversations like this is to not give my opinion unless I'm asked, or have some other reason to believe it's welcome. And when others try to give me their opinions when I haven't asked, I excuse myself; if they get pushy, then I tell them their opinion isn't welcome. That goes a long way.

I answer the door by intercom and because I am normally a calm and quiet person, I simply reply to a religiosales; “no, thank you”, then switch off.

Anything by email – delete. End.

Disappoint them by not letting them make a big deal of it.

This morning, I was alerted that I had a new follower on Twitter.



I didn't realize I needed saving.

I suppose you are right. It did strike me as odd though. Not many people follow me to begin with; just friends, for the most part.


As simple as that may be, it's excellent advice.

And I do believe anna just summed up my entire post with TWO pictures. Thanks for the input, everyone.

Almost forgot...


I should slap myself for this one. Enough said.

@Anna: love the kitties.

OnTopic: The guy isn't seeking education. He is looking for an audience. Don't give it to him.

Apparently so. After looking at his Twitter feed, I realized that he has some auto-following bot that seems to follow people who mention certain things, so that he can later harass them.

I read over through the link you posted. Interesting stuff. Apparently, my "hell" will be something along the lines of me jacking off for all eternity, but never being able to blow my load.

On second thought, I may have to rethink this whole devil worshiping thing! /sarcasm

Here's a little something I just thought about:

If that is the case, an undesirable event also would be occupied by a desirable event. If the pleasure of jerking off is present, then it would certainly be hell if you blow your load. Jerking off for eternity would be therefore, a desirable event.



Twitter should have an ignore button. The ignore button has never failed anyone and could be the world's next savior.