As a newly registered member, here is a short bio about how I have arrived here.
Have you ever had a stranger supply a desperate need just at the right time? Often, over time, such persons become more than mere acquaintances. Other times the person becomes more odious as you get to know them. The later has been my relationship with the Church. The Church was there for me when I needed it (January 1990).
But after the initial emotional high of my experience subsided (which I have since interpreted as a psychological and social phenomenon, rather than a spiritual experience), and after I began to seriously study the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures, and to pay close attention to the people I had affiliated with, I began to see beyond the thin veneer of piety into the hypocritical and atrocious reality.
The more I discovered about the Church, its general perspectives, and its doctrines, the less I fit in. This has been especially true during my time in the Catholic Church. The disillusionment was profound, and yet something still stirred within me for religious expression.
When I first began to read The Satanic Bible, it was more an exercise of finding out how “worldly” people were motivated and inspired. Being a churchman, I could look no "lower" than this book. The more I read it however, the more I saw my own perspective staring me back in the face. I also found within its pages a more congruent way to satisfy my desire for religious expression.
I found that my feelings of anger and frustration with Christianity was no mere matter of individual taste and experience, but was shared by a whole host of people within the Church of Satan
. Since, the writings of LaVey, the articles on the “Theory~Practice” webpage, and the reading lists have fueled delighted the Black Flame with me!
I am glad to have found this message board. I continue to be find strength and joy in so many of the posts.
Although I am still affiliated with he Catholic Church (I am employed by a local parish), Satanism is my true path, and always has been. The position I find myself in now is a tough one. Being able to choose my own way through life, I have chosen to stay employed, for the time being, here at the church. (It’s a job.) Both my undergraduate and master’s degrees are from theological seminaries and all my employment for the last 20 years has been in the church, in one capacity or another.
I realize the curious position I hold as a staff member and an underground Satanist, but the quote I found from “The Brothers Karamazov” has given me a workable perspective until I am able to set myself up with other employment, “Peacefully they will die, peacefully they will expire in your name, and beyond the grave they will find only death. But we will keep the secret, and for their own happiness we will entice them with a heavenly and eternal reward.
I am beginning to do a lot of writing in my free time on Satanic themes and hope very much to make a solid contribution to the effort.