I am a gerontology student and this summer I am taking a World religions class. One of the assignments is to attend a religious service that is not our own, and of course, write a paper about the experience.
This is not that paper; this is what I wish that paper could be...
I got up nice and early this morning and dressed in my sunday-go-to-meeting whateavers. I looked the part, in a black suit and shaved head with a copy of the book of Mormon I found somewhere in hand. My "contact person" at the church was a little blonde with a very pretty mouth who I met in a class last semester. I e-mailed her with my request, and she was more than happy to oblige. I like to think this was bootstrapped with hopes of converting me so we can get married and she can free herself of her sexual frustrations so we will just run with that fantasy. She does indeed have a very pretty mouth.
Mormonism is one of those tendrils of Christianity that I knew little about (except that it consists largely of knock-knock jokes) and I won't waste our time together outlining their insane spin on an already insane religion-you can look it up easily enough if you want a good laugh.
I duitifully sat through the sermon, squirming as I silently waited for them to finish groveling through their hyms. Howeaver,she had a lovely singing voice to go with that pretty mouth.
I have had to pretend like this many times in life so it comes second nature. There were other, darker things I would have rather been doing but I'm an honor student, and I do what I have to to maintain that status.
In the Mormon religion the communnion ritual is called "the sacremt" It is the same exact thing except the morons-er Mormons use water insted of wine. That was good because I had a hangover this morning.
I ate the bread and tossed back the shot of H2o.(good for hangovers, praise Jesus)
It wasn't until I bid my friend farewell, got home and started reading the propaganda given me so I could write my paper that I came across this gem:
"Ye shall not suffer anyone knowingly to partake of my flesh and blood unworthily, when ye shall minister it; for whoso eateth and drinketh my flesh and blood unworthily eateth and drinketh damnation to his soul"
....Jesus Christ! Do you people ever read your scriptures? Tomorrow I'm going to point this out to my Instructor and see if I dont get extra credit or something