I know you want to come across all dark and gothic but we've seen it all before and it looks just as silly now as the last ten thousand times someone tried it.
... or it's referring to some variety of sexual fetish, which is fine but a really fucking weird way of introducing yourself.
This thread made my night. I haven't laughed this hard all week...
Seriously, I read the original post aloud to my finance, and I noticed I was actually trying to correct the sentence structure while I was speaking; I was inserting conjunctions and idioms where there weren't any, and I had to stop myself so I didn't lose the "dramatic effect."
I also couldn't shake the image of Gene Wilder saying, "good day, sir!"