As I read the Satanic Bible for the first time in the winter of 1975 my father had just passed unexpected. No computers in those days, no way to communicate the mixed feelings and emotions that festered in my brain, or hate of the God that stole him from me. I wrote a letter to Avon Books along with a check for my first copy of T. S.B. , also asking for The Satanic Rituals, but they told be the Rituals was not in publication any longer it had been stopped.
After all these years, I now hold my first copy of the Satanic Rituals!
Back to the TSB, Anton S. LaVey changed my life in the winter of 1975 Hail Satan!
I had finally found the one man that I could relate to, the one man that was able to say what I wanted to say, the one man that ritualisticly enabled me to express the pain in my heart in a controlled manner. For the first, someone made it ok for me to be angry, at the God of my misunderstanding. My girl friend at that time left me because of my depression, and to make it worse my dog died that same year. I was an only child at 14 when Satan arrived. I read each page very slow soaking up every word from my new Bible. Anton Szandor LaVey became my reason for living!
Thinking back those years now, when I first turned the page to Hell, the Devil, and how to sell your soul... I took took this book verbatim, as I sank deeper and deeper into LaVey's Satanism.
I was excited and frightened all at the same time, and I had no one to turn to but my new little black book and it was then that I wanted to become , I was that red face with the horns above his head on the back cover of TSB ! I knew right the. In the winter of 1975 that I would never be the same little boy again, I was now with Satan!
Can you dig it?

It is my sincere hope that you are not considering Satan to be an actual being.

As a Satanist, one chooses one's own self as his or her god. Our own likes and dislikes are what we live to express and avoid. Our own real world results are the goals we strive to achieve.

Uhhh, you know you don't need Levays dead corps for strength. Strength is in all of us, in our ability to say "hey shit happened and im in a bad place, i should say my good byes, pick up my baggage and move on"

It sounds like you feel like his death was unfair, how could he go in my hard life? Well please understand that we all leave at some point but where we go is truly unknown and that no one stole him from you,understand he wasn't yours even if he said he was, we are our own person and ours alone and the responsibility to move on and find your happiness is yours and yours alone. You owe it to yourself to make the decision to move on and say good bye to him and this mental state you are in.