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#479685 - 08/28/12 05:04 PM Im ryanleman and im new
ryanleman Offline
Banned

Registered: 08/27/12
Posts: 14
I want to write so much more but my ps3 apparently is limiting me so ill say what i currently am personality wise. My signature is pretty much says exactly how i make and carry out decisions. My personal passion is psychology and engineering, my lesser interest include anything that deal with combat weapons or tactics, science, mythology, philosophy, keeping myself active when i can. I have written alot on other sites about Laveyan Satanism philosophy although i try to not pose as a official member and reframe myself from making the mistake of saying any matter of opinion is Laveyan although when i get a start on my life i have no doubt that i will be joining and become active in The Church of Satan. As another has pointed out my grammar pretty much sucks which i will try to improve as i post on here so just call out my mistakes and i will break the habit of using bad grammar.
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"let your emotions govern your intentions, your cognitive thought decide your actions, and your body be the vessel of your existence" - Ryan Leman

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#479686 - 08/28/12 05:05 PM Re: Im ryanleman and im new [Re: ryanleman]
ryanleman Offline
Banned

Registered: 08/27/12
Posts: 14
Because my ps3 limits me i would have no problem making multiple replys so i can write my full introduction

Because of my character limits ill post my full introduction when i get to a computer and probably replace this with that post.


Edited by ryanleman (08/28/12 06:45 PM)
_________________________
"let your emotions govern your intentions, your cognitive thought decide your actions, and your body be the vessel of your existence" - Ryan Leman

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#479706 - 08/28/12 11:53 PM Re: Im ryanleman and im new [Re: ryanleman]
Stilts Offline


Registered: 08/05/12
Posts: 59
Loc: Michigan
Originally Posted By: ryanleman
Because of my character limits ill post my full introduction when i get to a computer and probably replace this with that post.


Until then, welcome to LttD.
I'm interested to see what is to come smile
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Farvšl,
Megan



"If I had a dime for every time a homeless man asked me for change... I'd still say 'no'."
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#479707 - 08/29/12 12:57 AM Re: Im ryanleman and im new [Re: ryanleman]
TheAbysmal Offline


Registered: 09/22/06
Posts: 1024
Quote:
As another has pointed out my grammar pretty much sucks which i will try to improve as i post on here so just call out my mistakes and i will break the habit of using bad grammar.

Your grammar isn't too too bad, actually. Couldn't we all stand to improve? smile

Your overall presentation is what lacks, in my honest opinion. I won't withhold my suggestions. You can improve your writing ten-fold with just a few easy steps, and take it further from there:

1) Capitalize the word "I".

2) Every complete thought you have is a sentence. End your sentences with periods instead of running them together with commas.

This:
Quote:
My personal passion is psychology and engineering, my lesser interest include anything that deal with combat weapons or tactics, science, mythology, philosophy, keeping myself active when i can.

Becomes this:
Quote:
My personal passions are psychology and engineering. My lesser interests include anything that deals with combat weapons or tactics, science, mythology, philosophy, and keeping myself active when I can.

I did not change much at all, but there's a huge difference in readability.

3) Break up your writing into paragraphs. You can find natural spots to break up your writing. For instance, when you switched subjects from your interests to how you've written about Satanism on other sites would have been an ideal spot to start a new paragraph.

This:
Quote:
I want to write so much more but my ps3 apparently is limiting me so ill say what i currently am personality wise. My signature is pretty much says exactly how i make and carry out decisions. My personal passion is psychology and engineering, my lesser interest include anything that deal with combat weapons or tactics, science, mythology, philosophy, keeping myself active when i can. I have written alot on other sites about Laveyan Satanism philosophy although i try to not pose as a official member and reframe myself from making the mistake of saying any matter of opinion is Laveyan although when i get a start on my life i have no doubt that i will be joining and become active in The Church of Satan. As another has pointed out my grammar pretty much sucks which i will try to improve as i post on here so just call out my mistakes and i will break the habit of using bad grammar.

Could become this:
Quote:
I want to write so much more but my PS3 apparently is limiting me, so I'll say what I currently am personality wise.

My signature pretty much says exactly how I make and carry out decisions. My personal passions are psychology and engineering, my lesser interests include anything that deals with combat weapons or tactics, science, mythology, philosophy, and keeping myself active when I can.

I have written alot on other sites about Laveyan Satanism philosophy, although I try not to pose as an official member and refrain myself from making the mistake of saying any matter of opinion is Laveyan.

When I get a start on my life, I have no doubt that I will be joining and become active in The Church of Satan.

As another has pointed out my grammar pretty much sucks, which I will try to improve as I post on here, so just call out my mistakes and I will break the habit of using bad grammar.

Again, I fixed a few things along the way. I'd urge you to compare the two versions closely and just see what strikes you as obviously better.

It's good to admit that you might have areas to improve and then work on improving them. Best of luck to you in making your writing better. smile

EDIT: I forgot to mention one of the most important things you can do to improve your writing: Take your time since written communication allows for it, and read what you have written aloud after you've written it. You might be surprised to discover how much reading your writing aloud reveals!


Edited by TheAbysmal (08/29/12 01:00 AM)
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