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#475401 - 06/25/12 03:43 PM How did you discover Satanism?
Mr_Darkside Offline


Registered: 06/17/12
Posts: 14
Loc: England, UK
For me I would say I've always been different, an outsider even. When i was a small child, I would always be attracted to the more "darker" elements of things. I always wanted the bad guys on TV and in movies to win out against the hero. As a teenager I remember staying behind after school and sitting in the library alone until the old women kicked me out and told me to bugger off home. I had very few friends, - I was in no way "cool". I wore black and listened to heavy metal.
I loved to paint and read books about atheism and religion. I also hated sports. I had a keen interest in The Bible and would often sketch out things I'd read in "Revelation". Because of these "odd" interests and my choice of clothing, some of the other kids used to tease me by calling me a devil worshipper and a Satanist. I never really paid much attention until a couple of years ago when I discovered TSB. It wasn't until that point that I truly realised who I was all along, and there was a reason that these kids never liked me during my teens. I think me being labelled "Satanist" by my peers acted as a self fulfilling prophecy in a way. It urged me to dig deeper into the dark side of myself, and discover what all the fuss was about. Would I have eventually found Satanism anyway? Probably. But looking back I think this was the catalyst that prompted me forward.

So, over to you... How did you discover Satanism, and do you think that your earlier experiences prompted you to research the subject, or did you stumble upon it by chance?

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#475402 - 06/25/12 04:14 PM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Mr_Darkside]
Numb-Lock Offline


Registered: 03/16/12
Posts: 23
sounds a bit like this thread: What does Satanism mean to you - LTTD But I am not a mod, so I can't say anything.

Nonetheless, I discovered Satanism after years of studying other religions. I was inspired to study other religions, philosophy, and science because of my rigid Christian upbringing. We had the whole 9 yards, no poke'mon, no Magic: The Gathering, Fantasy novels, TV shows that my parents church friends deemed "evil." The first time I ever mentioned Satan to my dad what after I had spend a week mowing lawns at 14 years old. I had mowed for $10 a lawn and earned 30 bucks, which was alot for a 14 year old kid who grew up in a lower middle class home.

We lived about 20 minutes outside of Springfield, OH and we would travel into town from the countryside at least once a week when dad got paid. One time I told my dad I had earned my own money and so I wanted to buy some gaming cards. At the time I was Christian (enough to make my parents happy, once I turned 15 I became an atheist), and so when I got this super white-light looking angel card I was desperate to show him, and finally prove to him that not all indulgences in life are evil. Once I showed him he told me "Satan dresses up as an angel of light to deceive us from the path of righteousness." At that moment I realized that the path I was one was damned if you do and damned if you don't. In a fit a rage I told him that if enjoy life meant aligning with Satan, then I would. Though he was gonna beat the crap out of me right there in the supermarket. Needless to say, I was a small Satan, I wanted the heavy metal, the gothic clothes, the magic power, because I loved it, I was obsessed with it. Nights I wouldn't sleep, I would read books about magicians, witches and wizards in fantasy lands and lay awake thinking about what I would do with my own personal power. I had an unusual enjoyment about reading about Black Magic. I would always play as a Black Magician in the old (I mean the old) Final Fantasy games. Music was a very small role in influencing me Satanically, but it did in a small way.

The years in college gave me time to get involved in all the Logic and Philosophy classes and groups I could, I though I was going to be some great psychologist. But then I remembered the oldest desire I had since I was a small child, being a Firefighter and Medic. It was due to a car accident my mother, me and brother was in with a guy who ran a red-light. So despite the chiding from my family about how dangerous the job was, I enlisted in the city fire academy. I kept doing logic, philosophy, and religion classes hoping to find the best answer for myself, but everything seemed empty and idealistic to me. I could question everyone of the religions to the point where people would get so pissed at me, but I could single handily break it down to a level of absurdity. After awhile, through some weird channels I met some people and settled down in a small Buddhist group in Dayton, Ohio, only for a short time.

However, over the years as I studied and protested nuclear manufacturing, warfare, and wrote lectures, and hosted Buddhist meetings on Environmental Issues I felt a small fire deep inside that this was all B.S. It wasn't until I was browsing though the New Age section at a book store that I stumbled on the Satanic Bible. I picked it up and flipped through it. I just started reading it, right there, never did that before with any other book. I agreed with everything in it. Being a Buddhist I was starting to kinda get embarrassed with all the stuff in it that I was agreeing with. I bought it, the Satanic Rituals, and Satan Speaks all that night and by the end of the week I was privately considering myself a Satanist. As my library grew with the rest of the Church's books it has concreted Satanic philosophy in my Life. I had realized what I was even since I was a small boy, yearning for the desires of Life, Will to Power, and Indulgence.

And that's how I came to realize I was a Satanist. I like the idea of being a Satanist in a burning house, putting a fire out. Sometimes I use those feelings I have in ritual. I it as the Ultimate Will to Power for myself. I can also feel Satanic doing CPR and saving a life. It's the idea of inverting what people assume you are being a Satanist that makes me smile as well.


Edited by Triath (06/25/12 07:55 PM)
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Triath: The Inquiring Satanist and Firefighter/EMT
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#475405 - 06/25/12 04:37 PM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Numb-Lock]
Mr_Darkside Offline


Registered: 06/17/12
Posts: 14
Loc: England, UK
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I enjoyed reading them.

And if snyone has the ability, feel free to delete the thread if need be. I will learn to use the search function a little better next time wink
My apologies.

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#475433 - 06/26/12 10:29 AM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Mr_Darkside]
Marz Blaqk Offline


Registered: 06/26/12
Posts: 12
When I was about 17 I began dating a very vocal Satanist. My personal beliefs were still lined with a thin veil of Christian dogma, but I was truly Agnostic if anything. He gave me a copy of the Satanic Bible for Valentine's day and also a selection of essays by Nietzsche. From then on it was history. I felt myself becoming less and less deluded as I read on like "Wow, how could I have been so blind."
The boyfriend turned out to be a bit of a sociopath and he did break my heart into a bunch of little bloody pieces, but one good thing that came out of it was the realization of my true nature.

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#475437 - 06/26/12 10:48 AM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Mr_Darkside]
Wolfe
Unregistered


I'd say that I first began thinking in a Satanic way at an early age. As a child, I had to attend a funeral, someone I didn't know, just an acquaintance og my mom's and grandmom's, I guess. After the funeral service, I asked my mom the question, "why do people have to die," certainly a normal question for all kids to ask at some point. My mother's answer was, "because it's God's will." Well, right away I knew something was wrong with that answer, and I wasn't comfortable with it.

Later, at the age of twenty, when I first read The Satanic Bible, to be honest I was terrified, because I still associated Satanism with Christian "devil worship." I read but I did not understand, simply becuase I did not have enough experience of life to understand and put the concepts of Satanism into practice. But the seed had been planted, and later in life, after I'd travelled a bit in the world and seen for myself how shitty, ignorant and hypocritical most people are, I was able to see my experiences reflected in the philosophy of Satanism. I cloistered myself away for some time, reading all books written by LaVey and Blance Barton, and finally I understood.

Some time after that I applied for membership in the CoS, and now Satanism is a part of my life, something I think about and feel on a daily basis. I now understand why I've always been something of a "lone wolf," why I heed the call of the dark. I was born for it, and it is so very true that Satanists are born, not made. Like Magus Gilmore has said, one can't read the writings and then say "I want to be that." One can't "convert" to Satanism. We are born for the night, so revel in it!

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#475439 - 06/26/12 11:08 AM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Numb-Lock]
Unknown Offline
Unknown

Registered: 03/31/05
Posts: 1649
Quote:
sounds a bit like this thread: What does Satanism mean to you - LTTD But I am not a mod, so I can't say anything.


Thank you for directing people to my thread. But I think this thread has to do with how one discovered as to where mine deals with how much does Satanism mean to you at this point in your life after you have made such a discovery. Quite a difference between the 2.
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#475517 - 06/27/12 04:52 PM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Unknown]
Mr_Darkside Offline


Registered: 06/17/12
Posts: 14
Loc: England, UK
Before actually "discovering" Satanism in the truest sense a few years ago, and due to my keen interest in religion and the bible (I have a degree in the subject) I even started to study it in my late teens with the local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses. Even in this environment of "unconditional love" (which actually translates as love for only fellow members of the cult) I was still an outsider. I enjoyed debating with them the fallacies and inconsistensies found within their most holy of books. Plus there was an attractive young gentleman I'd have liked to have got in the sack. Once they actually started pressuring me to get baptised and knock on doors I thought screw this, I'm off. The knowledge I gained from them proved very valuable when writing my dissertation, allowing me to give first hand accounts on life as a "member" of a Christian sect.
It really proved to me how ridiculous the whole thing is, and how happy I am that I have not wasted my life worshipping false gods and waiting for a "perfect" life once my present one ends. It also made me sad for the children of these deluded fools, who are forced into submission three times a week at their meetings.

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#475568 - 06/28/12 11:59 AM I can't say it was "dark". [Re: Mr_Darkside]
Mason_Rust Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 1780
Loc: Michigan, USA
I would have to say that logic and reason led me to discover that there was a term for me, and it was Satanist, as described by Dr. LaVey. In general terms, I suppose I'm comfortable to say I discovered Satanism, but it would be more accurate to say that I discovered The Satanic Bible, LaVey's other works, and The Church of Satan. Satanism, in a way, was like my nose - it was always with me, but I didn't always know the word for it.

I wouldn't say that my attractions were always towards the "darker" things in life. My interests have been whatever I've found interesting. As a child, I found insects to be extremely interesting (still do) along with other reptiles and mammals that many fear. However, butterflies and their metamorphosis is incredibly interesting to me as well. I like what I like, and care not if it is traditionally "dark" or "cute and pretty".

In High School, I too wore black clothing, but primarily because it's not as easy to stain rather than some feeling that I was a "dark" individual. Black, after all, is a color that matches any fashion choice.

I didn't hate sports in school, and in fact found much benefit from competitions and physical fitness. I suppose I can say I was drawn more towards the ones where my personal performance wasn't dependent upon my fellow team mates, which is why I preferred track and cross country.

I was neither shunned nor extremely popular in school, and had a slew of friends, some closer than others. I can say, though, that of the friends I had, we were all thinkers and skeptics. Not all of them were Satanists (or any, from what I could tell) but I had good company with them, and it was productive.

All that being said, I discovered LaVey's work when I switched from reading fiction to primarily nonfiction. I enjoyed the work of Henry Rollins and his anecdotal stories, and when looking for the next Rollins book to read, saw Marilyn Manson's autobiography. I read through it, and found the portion on his meeting with LaVey to open up my curiousity. As a skeptic, I assumed his work would likely be that of just another religious nut, but pointed towards the dark side rather than the typical white light stuff. I picked up first "Satan Speaks" and was pleasantly surprised. Within his essays, I found whit, rationality, and a healthy middle finger.

Immediately, I purchased The Satanic Bible, and found that my own thoughts, feelings, and conclusions had previously been laid out and published in 1969. There was nothing I disagreed with, and instead, found philosophy I already was living with, and applications of it I had yet to entertain.

Since reading The Satanic Bible, it has been enjoyable to have a term more accurate than mere "atheist". It has also been a pleasure that, when meeting other Satanists (who know what they are) they are not a cliché of black clothing and depression (that's called "goth") but instead, vibrant individuals with much variety from one to the next.

The measure of a Satanist, I think, is not how "dark" their clothing is, nor how much people have shunned them. It's not whether they like or dislike sports, snakes, butterflies, or pancakes. It's that they think in unique, rational ways, are successfully avoiding misery in their lives, are productive and talented in their chosen fields of effort, and, of course, find themselves described in The Satanic Bible.
_________________________
"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence."
-Carl Sagan

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#475575 - 06/28/12 02:09 PM Re: I can't say it was "dark". [Re: Mason_Rust]
Mr_Darkside Offline


Registered: 06/17/12
Posts: 14
Loc: England, UK
I wasn't meaning to say that because of my choice in clothing was the reason I "became" something or another. I was just being a dick of a rebellious teen who wanted to horrify my mother. This is just how I was born. I never knew there was a name for the lifestyle I have lived, or the beliefs and views I hold. It just happened to be revealed to me through the works of LaVey. I take great pride in who I am as a person, I am sure that I am getting the most of my life in the here and now, and that is something no one will ever, or could ever take away from me.

On a side note, now in my mid twenties I am more likely to customise my own clothes than walk around in a band t-shirt I got from a record shop. I love being asked "wow where did you get that?" and being able to say I made it. I am very creative and like to express myself in that way.
Marilyn Manson is one of my all time favourite bands. His lyrics and themes are at times genius. Infact, just today I sat listening to Mechanical Animals on my lunch break :-)

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#475587 - 06/28/12 03:43 PM Re: I can't say it was "dark". [Re: Mr_Darkside]
Mason_Rust Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 1780
Loc: Michigan, USA
"I wasn't meaning to say that because of my choice in clothing was the reason I "became" something or another. I was just being a dick of a rebellious teen who wanted to horrify my mother."

I did not take it as being the reason. My apologies if what I wrote implies that I did. Rather, I wanted to just point out that Satanists come from many different walks of life. I could see the popular blonde cheerleader being a Satanist in high school (in fact, aren't there some here on this board?) along with the science nerds (that'd be me, but with some muscle), the preps (who probably make a LOT of money these days), the bullies (don't mess with them...well actually, any of us), along with the metal heads. That's all I was trying to address.
_________________________
"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence."
-Carl Sagan

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#475646 - 06/29/12 03:03 PM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Mr_Darkside]
TheMerryRose Offline


Registered: 06/25/12
Posts: 54
Loc: the City Of Sin.
My mother actually dedicatied me to Satan on the day I was born. I dont think I realy discoverd satanism untill I was 13 though, That was when I chose the religion/philosophy for myself. Pluse she was much more of a reversed christan then a satanist.


Edited by TheMerryRose (06/29/12 03:06 PM)
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#475653 - 06/29/12 07:46 PM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: TheMerryRose]
Gemini Offline


Registered: 03/24/12
Posts: 39
Loc: New Zealand
I was brought up a Catholic.
A turning point in my life was when i was about 27 when i hit rock bottom and wanted out.

I then realised, at that low point that it was only me and me alone that decides the course of my life no "man in the clouds"

After that i became an athiest.
Later on i read a Q and A article in a magazine with Dr Lavey.
From then on i knew i wanted to study his books and align myself with the ideals he promoted.

Only after that did i really realise the non responsibility ideal the church promotes and the burden of guilt they push as well.

Glad to say now , that shit is not my concern any more.

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#476056 - 07/07/12 12:32 AM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Mr_Darkside]
Old_Pig Offline


Registered: 11/27/02
Posts: 3969
Loc: The Deep South
I didn't discover Satanism. One day I was minding my own business and Satanism discovered me.
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You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.
Robert A. Heinlein


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#476173 - 07/08/12 10:27 AM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Mr_Darkside]
deon24 Offline


Registered: 07/07/12
Posts: 18
I was always considered different because of things i was into. Such as music, art, reading, and tons of other things a teen wouldnt normally be into, espcially being apart of the black community i got a lot of hassles for my differences. My family always preached to me about God and going to heaven and living in the name of the lord, But being that i was the way i was i could no longer buy into a lie that they're feeding me. SO i began doing research myself on many different religious beliefs and philosophies. The day I stumbled upon Dr.Lavey's Satanic Bible online and read it briefly. I went to my nearest barnes and nobles and bought me a copy. MY mind was blown after reading, and after a period of time of me being "lost" and not knowing what to believe. I found something that pushes exactly whats been running though my head for years of my youth.

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#476252 - 07/09/12 12:18 AM Re: How did you discover Satanism? [Re: Mr_Darkside]
J. Favenris Offline



Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Portland, Oregon
This is a bit of a long read, but I hope it brings enjoyment to a select few.

Growing up, I was never drawn to anything remotely "demonic" or "evil", but rather held certain Nietzschean ideas that emphasized looking at herd conformity as a vice, and the continuous need to better yourself in the naturally stratified society which operates based on Social Darwinism.

Anything close to "magick" or "spirituality" was given my scorn, and I always disliked the main philosophy behind Christianity, but noticed that the anti-life and anti-human components of Christianity were not limited to that religion alone. It was found in new liberal movements or hippie culture, in where dependence on leaders to show you the way was seen as a good thing, and turning the other cheek and leeching via Nietzche's slave morality idea was rampant.

From there Ayn Rand's 1964 The Virtue of Selfishness: A New Concept of Egoism as well as Objectivism became central parts of my life in the sense that I was excited and glad that other people felt the same way I did. However, I did not like that she dismissed all religious activity as useless. There is a psychological element to ritual, prayer, deities, Gods, and other spiritual things that obviously serve a mental need within the human animal to be happy, otherwise people wouldn't be so fanatic about rockstars, politicians, celebrities, or doing ritualistic things like getting married, celebrating birthdays, performing funerals, etc.

Then I read Marilyn Manson's autobiography and upon his positive nod to Anton LaVey and real Satanism, I decided to give the religion a chance and read The Satanic Bible. Within it, I didn't find anything stupid having to do with animal sacrifices or magick mumbo wizard jumbo, but rather the gray line between psychology and religion.

The symbology within Satanism, including the infamous Sigil of Baphomet, did not seem anything different than Marilyn Manson utilizing the Cross of Lorraine, the stars and stripes on an American flag, or a sports mascot. Symbols, flags, slogans, have always been used by the human animal to represent a concept, whether it be in a corporation, war, sports team, etc.

From there on I found that a more accurate and specific label for myself is Satanist, because upholding the Milton or Ancient Hebrew definition of Satan encompassed a lot of ideas that represented things I already felt were right. Perhaps the symbol of Satan is no longer as relevant to society for a new Übermenschen creed as it was in 1966, but the philosophy and ideas inside The Satanic Bible have always been utilized by people who have brought society to a more Renaissance-like and secular level, and within the elite levels of the Church of Satan are not kooks or losers, but people who have mastered life in all of its different levels: interpersonally, financially, health-based, and pretty much whatever you can think of.

Peter H. Gilmore has done an excellent job of continuing the aesthetic terrorism of Satanism, and the people who are among the religion are those who are not stupid, but rather embrace the philosophical aspects of the religion, whatever it be called.


Edited by Favenris (07/09/12 12:19 AM)
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