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#486055 - 02/05/13 10:04 AM I can't believe that I still get a thrill....
Ygraine Offline

CoS Magistra

Registered: 07/11/01
Posts: 2849
Loc: Florida
pushing 50 and telling the Witlesses at the door "{Gee, we're clergy with the Church of Satan, so I really wouldn't want to waste your time. Have a nice day!"

Big goony oblivious smile and all. If I have time I'll try to put on an apron, but the bottle of windex and my hair in a pony tail should have done fine.

Watching them try NOT to scamper is fantastic.

I need to get out more.

Y~
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#486941 - 02/26/13 07:02 PM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Ygraine]
Roho_the_Rooster Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 03/10/05
Posts: 6999
Loc: Pre-Apocalypolis
Originally Posted By: Ygraine
pushing 50


Pulling 50 ain't half bad either.

As for the Witnesses...I can't believe my wife. She had a stubborn witness who wouldn't go away, so she told her we're Satanists. Gee...thanks for discussing outing ourselves in Smallville, Babe. grin

Like I care.
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#486948 - 02/26/13 09:34 PM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Ygraine]
Bill_M Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 07/28/01
Posts: 11561
Loc: New England, USA
I knew a guy once who said the JWs came to his door and asked him, "What do you think your purpose is in life?" He thought for a moment then said, "Sex. Would you like step inside?"
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Reverend Bill M.

http://www.devilsmischief.com: Carnal Comedy Clips, Netherworld Novelty Numbers,
New hour every week. Download the mp3 now!

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#486955 - 02/27/13 02:52 AM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Bill_M]
Garm Offline



Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 23
Loc: Norway
Originally Posted By: Bill_M
I knew a guy once who said the JWs came to his door and asked him, "What do you think your purpose is in life?" He thought for a moment then said, "Sex. Would you like step inside?"


The look on his/her's face... Bet it would be priceless to see that.

Even though i do enjoy making them feel uncomfortable when they approach me (handing out flyers, etc, on the street), i am very happy i have never had any of them knocking on my door.
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#486956 - 02/27/13 03:06 AM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Garm]
StabAvery Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 11/16/05
Posts: 717
Loc: michigan
I used to pull pranks on them when I was younger down in Detroit. Now I own the biggest house in my town so when they come walking down the sidewalk I am usually standing on the porch with my shirt off drinking a beer (they tend to always come right as I am finishing up yard work and starting up the grill.).

I am covered in large devil tattoos that are easily seen from a distance and these young men are normally in their early 20's and not ready to deal with my aggressive personality. It started out them skipping my house at first but lately we have actually started yelling out to them to come back," Please come back! I would really like to buy some god today!! I even have money!!". AWWW, come on guys.... you didn't get all dressed up like that for nothing!? Can I at least get a pamphlet?

They just get in their car and continue on their way. I still have fun doing it though. jack
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#486965 - 02/27/13 09:57 AM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: StabAvery]
NornIrnbloke Offline



Registered: 01/07/13
Posts: 46
Loc: United Kingdom
JW's are the least of our problems over in my pad. We have every flavour of the Jesuit selling their brand. The worst is when they stop you on the street.

I have however adopted a tactic when they approach me. Nod and smile, yep it takes them totally by surprise they actually encounter someone that seems interested. The trick is to offer them nothing in terms of feedback, while still seeming interested so they still have to hard sell without actually being able to enter into conversation, lots of "hmm hmm's" and nods of the heads tend to work in my case. Eventually they chat and blether and run out of steam. It's funny when they get to the point when they realise they can say no more hand you quick card and move on. It gives me a just a wee bit of satisfaction that I've managed to waste a bit of their time, all be it 15 minutes or so!

I've seen this on youtube recently, it's pretty much the same thing I do to the God Squad, exept for telemarketers. It made me smile anyway.

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The trouble with having an open mind is that people insist on putting ideas into it!

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#486970 - 02/27/13 03:15 PM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Ygraine]
anna Offline


Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 219
Loc: Poland
Jehovah Witnesses are generally nice, peaceful people, who will not disturb you unless you enter into a religious discussion with them. Then, they get turned on and can ramble for hours. Also if you take some newspapers or leaflets from them, they can become a nuisance. They will keep coming back and bothering you, because they will think that you are interested.

If they knock at my door I always say "Thank you, I'm not interested" or just mere "No, thanks" and they smile and go away, sometimes wishing me a good day. I almost pity them. It must be a nasty job to go door to door and proselytize. It seems to me that if they were not obliged to proselytize by their religion, they would gladly stay at home.
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Just gonna stand there and watch me burn. Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts.

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#487290 - 03/08/13 01:32 AM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Ygraine]
Jhawk Offline
Fucktard

Registered: 03/08/13
Posts: 18
Loc: NC, USA
Firstly, you're lookin good for pushin 50, Second I think you give it to them way too easy...

See I like to answer the door wearing nothing but my underwear (especially when the women come... oooh thank ya jesus!) anyway, at first I like to play the part of the witless heathen... Slowly acting as though I'm more and more interested in their Jehovah... Slowly edging my way closer to them while they spread their good word... until I'm just all up in their space bubble... that's about the time when I put my hand on their shoulder, smiling gladly at their teaching me... all the way up until I pop a huge rock hard throbbing boner... which I pretend not to notice and encourage them to keep going.

Oh man, you should see how hard they blush, it's almost as though they've never had one before, poor things... anyway, then I start asking them if god thinks it's ok to have sex in positions other than missionary... because I'm curious ya know?!... I wanna know if I can worship god and still bend my girl over the kitchen sink ya know... that's not so much to ask right? I then proceed to demonstrate various positions to see if god would be cool with them... You'd be amazed at their resolve when they think they're getting through to you...

A shame though, those women never came back to check up on me like they said they would... the daughter was cute (18ish) and looked VERY corruptible...
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained, and using well spoken words; This is good luck." � Gautama Buddha

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#487334 - 03/08/13 08:58 PM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Ygraine]
HellofallHells Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 3524
Since I moved to a new neighborhood 2 years ago I haven't been bothered with door knockers. Though I did receive a plea for a tithe from the parish in the mail today. Ain't gonna happen. smirk
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#487372 - 03/10/13 12:33 AM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Ygraine]
Dax9 Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 10/16/10
Posts: 772
Loc: near Baton Rouge, LA
The last door to door religious salesperson came to my house on Halloween afternoon last year. I saw a very pretty, well dressed young woman walking toward my front door. At the moment I was only wearing boxer shorts, so not knowing who she was I ran to grab some pants and a shirt and let my wife answer the door.

If I had known what her purpose was I would have opened the door just as I was.

And too bad I wasn't home alone! coopdevil
(My wife sent her away.)
_________________________
"The difference between the man or woman who's a practicing Satanist, from an identity Satanist is that the practicing Satanist looks at the picture, while the identity Satanist studies the frame."
-- Anton Szandor LaVey

"Anyone without a sense of humor is too pretentious to be a good magician."
-- Anton Szandor LaVey

Life Everlasting

World Without End





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#489577 - 05/23/13 11:50 AM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Dax9]
VampireArt Offline


Registered: 01/06/12
Posts: 17
Loc: South Coast England
A few years back I answered the door to a couple of well dressed, earnest looking young men who asked if I had a couple of minutes to help them with a survey they were doing about family life.
Why not? I had a few minutes to spare whilst my coffee brewed.
They asked things like how important are your family to you? How often do you see them? Are you close to your siblings? Etc etc.
Then it came.
How important is Jesus to your family?

“Well..” I replied. “Jesus plays a very crucial part in my family’s life.”
They were obviously quite excited by this….
“We rely on Jesus for so much.” I continued. “In fact, without him, life would be quite tricky for us. Especially during the summer.”

They looked confused. “Why during the summer?”

“Well, Jesus is the site manager of the complex in Spain where we have our family holiday home. The man’s an absolute darling; he keeps an eye on the place whilst we’re not there, and always makes sure there’s bread, milk and beer waiting for us when we get there.”
(All true by the way.)

They looked at me blankly……..

“Oh… You mean that ‘other’ Jesus chap? Yeah…. We don’t care much for him.”
Shut the door on them and enjoyed my coffee slightly more than usual.
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Don’t confuse my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am; my attitude depends on who you are.

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#489612 - 05/24/13 03:43 PM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: VampireArt]
Bill_M Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 07/28/01
Posts: 11561
Loc: New England, USA
Originally Posted By: VampireArt
A few years back I answered the door to a couple of well dressed, earnest looking young men who asked if I had a couple of minutes to help them with a survey they were doing about family life.

I remember 2 proselytizers (they always come in pairs, it seems) using that one on me, sometime around '99. It's the ol foot-in-the-door technique, right up there with Jehovah's Witnesses who come to the door first saying that they're a "charity organization". Anyway, on that occasion one of them asked me "What do you think of the family situation in America?" Sure enough, within 60 seconds of the conversation, he used that to jump to the Jesus subject. Seeing where this was going, I played dumb and replied back, "And you know, another example of where family shows up in religion is Confucianism, where the elders are viewed as..." and so on. He sure didn't like that.

Quote:
“Well, Jesus is the site manager of the complex in Spain where we have our family holiday home. The man’s an absolute darling; he keeps an eye on the place whilst we’re not there, and always makes sure there’s bread, milk and beer waiting for us when we get there.”
(All true by the way.)

Nice one. grin
_________________________
Reverend Bill M.

http://www.devilsmischief.com: Carnal Comedy Clips, Netherworld Novelty Numbers,
New hour every week. Download the mp3 now!

http://www.aplaceformystuff.org: Tales of Combat Clutter and other Adventures

(Wenn du Google's Übersetzer verwendest, um diese Worte zu lesen, dann bist du ein Arschloch.)

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#490090 - 06/20/13 04:37 AM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Ygraine]
Deadboysdontlie Offline


Registered: 06/19/13
Posts: 4
My husband is a catholic (he does his thing, i do mine) and he often stands and chats with them... Well we are not really used to visitors to our home as i actively discourage it as in many ways i am a very private individual
Well to cut a long story short i was in the middle of skinning a carcass of venison one morning when the dogs alerted me that someone was at my front door naturally i put down my knife so not to frighten anyone and started walking around the corner removing my rubber gloves as i walked, the jehovas witnesses an older couple suddenly turned white at the sight of me...couldnt understand why! im an innocent looking brunette... Although i was wearing a plastic slaughterhouse apron with a small quantity of blood splatter on it


Havent seen them since


Edited by Deadboysdontlie (06/20/13 04:40 AM)
Edit Reason: Spelling error

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#490140 - 06/23/13 01:20 AM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: VampireArt]
Dax9 Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 10/16/10
Posts: 772
Loc: near Baton Rouge, LA
Originally Posted By: VampireArt
A few years back I answered the door to a couple of well dressed, earnest looking young men who asked if I had a couple of minutes to help them with a survey they were doing about family life.
Why not? I had a few minutes to spare whilst my coffee brewed.
They asked things like how important are your family to you? How often do you see them? Are you close to your siblings? Etc etc.
Then it came.
How important is Jesus to your family?

“Well..” I replied. “Jesus plays a very crucial part in my family’s life.”
They were obviously quite excited by this….
“We rely on Jesus for so much.” I continued. “In fact, without him, life would be quite tricky for us. Especially during the summer.”

They looked confused. “Why during the summer?”

“Well, Jesus is the site manager of the complex in Spain where we have our family holiday home. The man’s an absolute darling; he keeps an eye on the place whilst we’re not there, and always makes sure there’s bread, milk and beer waiting for us when we get there.”
(All true by the way.)

They looked at me blankly……..

“Oh… You mean that ‘other’ Jesus chap? Yeah…. We don’t care much for him.”
Shut the door on them and enjoyed my coffee slightly more than usual.


Yes, good one. You should have kept the joke going a bit longer! coopdevil
_________________________
"The difference between the man or woman who's a practicing Satanist, from an identity Satanist is that the practicing Satanist looks at the picture, while the identity Satanist studies the frame."
-- Anton Szandor LaVey

"Anyone without a sense of humor is too pretentious to be a good magician."
-- Anton Szandor LaVey

Life Everlasting

World Without End





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#490594 - 07/19/13 02:06 PM Re: I can't believe that I still get a thrill.... [Re: Dax9]
Touteum Offline


Registered: 07/19/13
Posts: 3
I don't usually have anyone come by my house or at least it's been awhile. I do get solicitations in the mail, but I pile them up for burning. lol
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"Stupidity is of the behemoth, It's a large animal"

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