I lost my father six years ago when I was in college. He also had brain cancer; a glioblastoma. At that time, I was a christian, so I prayed to "god" that if my father made it to heaven, he should fly a red cloud in the sky for his tribal name, Red Cloud, named after my grandfather's historic hero. I woke up the next day and not a single cloud in the sky. So I said fuck god.
A couple years later, I started exercising and dieting cause I was 315lbs. I would get up at 7 am to go jog, come back and eat breakfast, work on my art and projects, go do the Insanity work out, power lift, then some extra cardio on top of that. I lost 115lbs in six months. I visited my family and my mom's church family all praised Jesus that I lost all that weight. It wasn't Jesus waking up to do all that, it was me. That was when I made my true conversion to Satanism because from then on, I was in it for myself by myself.
I hope this helps a little.