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#505521 - 12/23/17 10:22 AM My Journey to Satanism
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
This is my first post so be gentle! I apologise for any typos, I'm having to use my iPad to post this. Enjoy my rambling!


My Journey to Satanism

Growing up I obsessed with the 'forbidden' - vampires, monsters, witches, ghosts, anything at all that went bump in the night. I was fascinated by these outcasts and in some respects I related to them. I was that fat gay kid that everyone picked on because I was weird. I would stay up to the little hours watching horror movies quite literally scaring myself shitless! My interest in the dark soon led me to the Occult at around age 10 when I got my first computer and began using the internet. I became interested in neo-paganism, witchcraft and Wicca and for some years practiced - I yearned for a relationship with 'God' and thought that I may find this through some form of alternative spirituality. I had heard about the Church of Satan and The Satanic Bible - it was always there lurking in the shadows although I completely ignored it and if I'm honest rolled my eyes and thought it was attention seeking.

Years past and although still interested in magic and witchcraft, still couldn't find this mysterious creature called God (or Goddess) everyone was so obsessed with.

I began researching other occult groups including OTO, BOTA, HOGD etc and finally stumbled across the Qabalah.

Qabalah really interested me and its completely abstract symbolism and description of God made total sense to me, after all if God did exist, it would be impossible for us to really understand it. I researched and read everything I could get my hands on and in the end I just ended up with a massive headache as I soon realised it was like trying to read a Chinese dictionary not knowing how to speak Chinese. It was so complicated it was as though it was designed to confuse and trip you up.

In the end, I gave up. I realised that after this mega God quest, I had never once felt its presence or had any belief in such a being despite trying my hardest too. All of the occult and hermetic books I read were just giving me headaches and in the end made no sense.

To quote LaVey in The Satanic Bibe:

"If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, then established
occultists would do well as maze -makers. The basic principles of ceremonial magic have been relegated for so long to infinitely classified bits of scholastic mysticism, that the would-be wizard becomes the victim of the very art of misdirection which he, himself, should be employing!"


I had read some Satanic literature some years between my occult 'digging', namely TSB and TSS and at that time I don't think I was in the right head space to really understand the philiosophy and its inherent simplicity. The books sat on my shelves for some years.

I became involved with an Alexandrian witchcraft coven and eventually became initiated as a 1st degree. I was interested in ritual - the theatre, the incense, robes, candles. I can't say I had a particular 'belief' in magic. I also can definitely say I had no belief in God despite trying my hardest. I just couldn't be convinced and found no evidence for such a thing. Shortly after my initiation the group fell apart and, well, that was that.

Years had gone by with The Satanic Bible sitting on my book shelf until one day I picked it up and with a clear, rational mind sat down and read it. When I was finished I thought to myself.... but I've always thought these things? These principles are already how I live my life! I was so taken back that all along, everything that I thought was sitting in that tiny little book at the top of my bookcase. I can only think that my previous reading of TSB was hazed in a mist of occultism and I couldn't see the wood for the trees.

I had came full circle.

I understand now how Satanists are born and not made. I did not convert to Satanism, rather I found a name for the principles and philosophy which I have always followed without a name, thanks to Anton LaVey and the Chuch of Satan. And in my search for God I realised he was there all along - it's me!

Since finding myself printed in the words of the TSB (cliche I know)I have devoured everything I can get my hands on- The Satanic Scriptures, The Satanic Rituals, Secret Life of a Satanist, The Devils Notebook everything on the official website. Next on the list is The Satanic Witch, The Satanic Warlock, Satan Speaks and Infernelia.

I recently boxed up quite a number of occult books and felt it was time to part with them. I sold them onto a book shop, for quite a nice sum. This was a very purging experience.

What better way than to use this money towards my registered membership?

Hail Satan!


Edited by Shine000 (12/23/17 02:44 PM)
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505522 - 12/24/17 04:10 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
LowKey Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 393
Loc: Nashville, TN
Welcome to the world of the truly living! I always enjoy it when one of our kin finds their way home.

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#505523 - 12/24/17 05:02 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: LowKey]
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
Thank you! Itís been one hell of a journey.

Been looking through some of the posts - seems quite quiet on here, or is that just me?
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505526 - 12/25/17 05:08 PM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
LowKey Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 393
Loc: Nashville, TN
You're right. I think most people are doing their cyber-interacting on Facebook these days. But I prefer the "quality over quantity" feel here.

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#505527 - 12/27/17 05:36 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: LowKey]
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
Do you mind if I ask when you realised you were a satanist and when you eventually decided to join the COS? Iím just curious to hear other peopleís stories!

Iím a ceramic artist/sculptor and Iím in the process of developing a new body of work which follows on from some previous works exploring the idea of the unhomely, unsettling and uncanny. Strangely when I read about LaVeyís Law of the Trapezoid it basically summed up exactly what Iíve been exploring for a number of years, particularly as I use very formal geometric forms. Looking forward to applying for active membership and sharing this new work with the COS. My website is www.shane-porter.com if you want to have a look at my work.

Look forward to hearing more about your journey!

HS

Shane


Edited by Shine000 (12/27/17 06:39 AM)
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505528 - 12/27/17 07:05 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
LowKey Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 393
Loc: Nashville, TN
Here goes...

I was raised in a semi-religious family, meaning that most of my extended family were believers in Jesus and his teachings but didn't live strictly by Christian standards. However, enough lip service was paid to God, Jesus and The Devil to convince my young self that they existed. Looking back, I don't think I ever felt love for their God but, instead, I feared punishment from him.

The older I grew, the more inquisitive I became, exploring philosophical questions and finding that the answers (or lack thereof) didn't mesh with things I had been taught. I was around 15 years of age when I really developed the nerve to question God and, luckily for me, my best friend was of a similar disposition, allowing me the luxury of someone to whom I could express my heretical opinions. Together, he and I grew braver in our search for truth and freedom from Yahweh's tyranny. (That last bit sounds so dramatic, doesn't it?)

Eventually another friend with a penchant for dark things discovered a copy of The Satanic Bible in a bookstore while visiting his grandparents in Ohio. He purchased it, brought it home and enthusiastically encouraged me to read it, explaining that, in Anton LaVey, he had discovered a kindred soul. So, having a lot of respect for my friend and wanting to learn why this book was so inspiring to him (and why he thought it might inspire me as well), I read it... and felt exactly the same way my friend did.

For the next four years, I sought out more info on Satanism, experimented with ritual and various aspects of Lesser Magic and formed a few "magic circles" with what I thought were like-minded people. As it turned out, only a couple of those people really understood Satanism, so the three of us (myself and the two friends previously mentioned) decided it was time to join forces with the one organization that really represented us - The Church of Satan.

Nineteen years later, my friends and I have developed our own unique paths, yet we all still feel that connection to the axis that is CoS.

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#505529 - 12/27/17 11:36 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: LowKey]
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: LowKey


Together, he and I grew braver in our search for truth and freedom from Yahweh's tyranny. (That last bit sounds so dramatic, doesn't it?)



Dramatic but true! Lol
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505530 - 12/28/17 04:42 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
LowKey Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 393
Loc: Nashville, TN
FYI: another book you might glean some wisdom from would be A Fire From Within by Magister Nemo (whom you'll hear from in these forums from time to time).

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#505531 - 12/28/17 07:26 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: LowKey]
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
Thanks for the recommendation - Iím a fan of Nemoís work, heís a wise chap!

Will definetley check it out. Devils Due and Bearing the Devils Mark are also on my list. Just starting The Satanic Warlock.

I began The Satanic Witch but Iíve put it to the side as I wasnít in the right head space for it to sink in. Will be revisiting it soon.
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505532 - 12/28/17 07:52 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
Waya Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 1505
Check out Magister Nemo's audio programs too.
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Church of Satan

"We are superior, and are superior not by ethnic means, but by the superior force of the will -- the imagination, the creativity, and the very essence of resourcefulness, and survival, that is the heart and the very soul of the Satanist."
~Anton LaVey



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#505534 - 12/29/17 01:44 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Waya]
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
Thanks for the recommendation - Iíve had a look st Nemos website and they do sound very interesting. Will check them out soon
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505538 - 01/02/18 06:50 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
Babydoll Online
CoS Member

Registered: 11/03/06
Posts: 900
Loc: Australia
I enjoyed your introduction, you did well to write that much on an iPad! grin

I think the Tree of Life in the Qabalah is incredibly beautiful, and something in the symbolism moves me on a level I can't quite understand. Symbols can do this, but as you said the Qabalah is very complex.

Welcome here!
_________________________
HAIL SATAN!

One LIFE - One chance

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#505545 - 01/05/18 05:09 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Babydoll]
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
Thank you!

Yes some qabalistic symbolism is indeed very beautiful although itís a shame itís such a head f*ck!
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505549 - 01/05/18 10:37 PM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
Dax9 Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 10/16/10
Posts: 1023
Loc: near Baton Rouge, LA
Quote:
Qabalah really interested me and its completely abstract symbolism and description of God made total sense to me, after all if God did exist, it would be impossible for us to really understand it. I researched and read everything I could get my hands on and in the end I just ended up with a massive headache as I soon realised it was like trying to read a Chinese dictionary not knowing how to speak Chinese. It was so complicated it was as though it was designed to confuse and trip you up.


Are you aware that there is a booklet titled The Gates of Hell by Magister George Sprague that examines the Tree of Life from a Satanic perspective and discusses how these Qabballistic symbolism provide the meanings for the cards in the Satan's Tarot deck? If you were ever interested in the Qabalah, you might find this old thread interesting. (The booklet, however, is now only available from the author directly):

http://www.satannet.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=376558#Post376558

And welcome to LttD! coopdevil
_________________________
"The difference between the man or woman who's a practicing Satanist, from an identity Satanist is that the practicing Satanist looks at the picture, while the identity Satanist studies the frame."
-- Anton Szandor LaVey

"Anyone without a sense of humor is too pretentious to be a good magician."
-- Anton Szandor LaVey

Life Everlasting

World Without End





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#505557 - 01/10/18 03:54 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Dax9]
Babydoll Online
CoS Member

Registered: 11/03/06
Posts: 900
Loc: Australia
Quote:
Are you aware that there is a booklet titled The Gates of Hell by Magister George Sprague


I have that book and had actually forgotten about it! tiki
_________________________
HAIL SATAN!

One LIFE - One chance

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#505558 - 01/10/18 09:47 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Babydoll]
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
Any idea where I can get hold of a copy?
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505559 - 01/11/18 05:26 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
Isobel Gowdie Offline


Registered: 12/28/15
Posts: 50
Iím sorry your experience of Alexandrian Witchcraft was a let-down. Most covens or paths nowadays, particularly Wicca, are largely hived from Alexandrian practice, but invariably with bits chopped out that were vital (but hard) and other bits squashed in that are irrelevant (but easy). Such is life; and itís a problem also common to ďSatanismĒ, particularly on the Internet.

The only thing Iíd like to add, as someone else new to Satanism, is that the quality of publication varies wildly. The core canon of Anton LaVey is all worth reading, as is The Satanic Scriptures Ė but, after that, I most strongly recommend The Fire From Within by Nemo and, particularly, Essays in Satanism by James Sass. The latter book is worthwhile for the Project Faust commentary alone, but thatís not the only thing to recommend it.

Itís very good.

If youíve only just started The Satanic Warlock, then Iíd put it down and move onto something else. Too much of it is laughably off-track. Equally, I do not recommend Michael Roseís Infernalia Ė itís extremely poor, and almost wholly ignorant of the material it tries to lampoon. Ultimately, neither book is worth spending money on before some of the other work.

Iím only a halfway through The Devilís Due and itís a mixed bag. Some of the essays are excellent, some are irrelevant and/or obvious, so discriminate with care.

Unfortunately, most everything in the Satanic canon is a selection of essays Ė with the possible exception being The Satanic Rituals. Theyíre written as an act of self-indulgence, which is very Satanic, but it means that some of the material just wonít matter to you, is wholly unlinked, or will be completely at odds with your own experience. Iíd argue that you need to read the publications in order to figure out whatís meaningful to you, and thereís value in all of them, but the two books I donít recommend are simply poor books. Infernalia, for example, is just poorly written, poorly researched (it regurgitates a number of ludicrous arguments that have seen no research at all) and poorly presented.

All that said, as ever, your mileage may vary. If youíre interested, from what Iíve read, this is the order Iíd put the books (with Church of Satan authors) in:

1. The Satanic Bible (LaVey, Anton S.)
2. The Satanic Scriptures (Gilmore, Peter H.)
3. The Church of Satan (Barton, Blanche)
4. The Satanic Rituals (LaVey, Anton S.)
5. The Satanic Witch (LaVey, Anton S.)
6. Essays in Satanism (Sass, James D.)
7. The Fire From Within (Nemo)
8. The Devilís Notebook (LaVey, Anton S.)
9. Satan Speaks! (LaVey, Anton S.)
10. Bearing the Devilís Mark (Paradise, Matt G.)
11. The Devilís Due (Collected authors)
12. Letters from the Devil (LaVey, Anton S.)
13. The Secret Life of a Satanist (Barton, Blanche)
14. The Satanic Warlock (Johnson, Robert)
15. Infernalia (Rose, Michael)

That order might seem a bit odd, but itís probably important to try and read things in an order that makes subsequent texts make sense. It would also be wrong to assume that later books get progressively worse; everything up to The Devilís Due is well worth your money, and I have a special enjoyment for Bearing the Devilís Mark. If youíre working through a book at a time, as I did, I supplemented the time by reading the Theory/Practice section of the Church of Satan website and found that quite easy to get on with.

Good luck.


Edited by Isobel Gowdie (01/11/18 05:31 AM)
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Darkest Auldearn: Raising Hell since 1662
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#505560 - 01/11/18 08:03 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Isobel Gowdie]
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
Thank you for the advice, Isobel.

However, I must disagree and say that I found The Satanic Warlock very very helpful and highly recommend it. Sorry you didn't feel the same.

I have just started Satan Speaks! and like with a lot of Satanic literature I have read, I will go back and re-read after my first reading/skimming through.

I appreciate your opinions but im looking forward to making my own mind up about The Devils Due and Infernelia.

Been looking online for a copy of The Church of Satan by Blance Barton but I dont fancy paying £100 so that will have to pass.

Essays in Satanism also seems to be out of print?
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505563 - 01/11/18 11:12 PM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
Isobel Gowdie Offline


Registered: 12/28/15
Posts: 50
Of course you should make up your own mind. I only really meant to say that you should spend your money on the better material, and in an order that makes sense.

I wouldn't overspend on The Church of Satan given the prices you're citing, and if Essays in Satanism is out of print... That's a real shame. It's a gem.
_________________________
Darkest Auldearn: Raising Hell since 1662
Avatar by Luis Falero

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#505564 - 01/12/18 02:46 PM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000]
Nemo Offline
CoS Magister

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 13201
Loc: Point Nemo s48:52:31:748, w123...
The value of any book depends upon its potential usefulness to the reader.

If a book contained only one idea that transformed your life for the better then the value of that book would be equal to the value of that transformation.

Like any thought, books are tools.

Their uses vary just as other tools vary in their uses as well.

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#505566 - 01/12/18 02:50 PM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Nemo]
Shine000 Offline

COS Member-VIP

Registered: 12/15/17
Posts: 30
Loc: UK
Beautifully articulated, thank you Nemo.
_________________________
Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.

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#505569 - 01/13/18 03:43 AM Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Nemo]
Isobel Gowdie Offline


Registered: 12/28/15
Posts: 50
Originally Posted By: Nemo
The value of any book depends upon its potential usefulness to the reader.

Sure, but only so far as it presents a concept or premise that you've not considered, or not considered in the way suggested. Most of the Church of Satan's published work is valuable in this way, once you ignore the repetition, but the real gems are in how the books relate to one another.

For example:

In "To: All Doomsayers... & Assorted Tremblers" (Satan Speaks!), Anton LaVey covers a lot of interrelated points; but one of his key themes is that Satanism is interesting, so long as you don't talk about actual Satanism. It was used as filler to scare people, but the truth wasn't worth airing because it was really only designed to reinforce extant beliefs about Devil worship.

Satanism, as we understand it, was never the point.

Time moved on, information became more freely available, and the Aeon of Horus started to really take hold. Rebellion became more commonplace and, suddenly, people weren't quite so frightened by what the media had told it Satanism was. The funny thing is that, were the masses introduced to Satanism properly, it could have undone a lot of the social exclusion and angst that was felt by people who were now proving to be such a nuisance.

The subject is then picked up, though not directly, by Peter Gilmore in "Victors and Victims" (The Satanic Scriptures). In his discussion about Columbine, he muses that Satanism could have actually prevented the Columbine massacre by providing an out for Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris. Smart kids with a bright future were treated to the social exclusion of a typical high school and chose oblivion rather than conformity to a standard they despised. Had they been introduced to Satanism properly, perhaps they'd have appreciated that their talents were worth more than what their classmates declared them to be.

Sadly, thirteen people paid for the oversight with their lives.

James Sass then picks up the idea of damaging group exclusion, caused by the social or physical coercion mentioned by Gilmore, in his essay "On Real Horror Films" (Essays in Satanism). He goes on to describe the alpha-untermensch that populate most social climes and the detrimental impact they can have.

The overall message to distil is that Satanism is so badly misunderstood by mainstream commentators, that they've actually caused damage by presenting it so haphazardly. Conversely, were it to be treated accurately, those who fall into the group that is excluded socially or physically may well find an "outsider" religion that suits their personalities and talents. They'd be given an opportunity to thrive, rather than resort to spraying bullets around.

Now-

Individually, all of these things have valuable lessons to learn. But taken as a group (and there are other articles one could add), you can see how the Satanic strain of thought has evolved into a clear message that spans three authors and several decades, without self-congratulation or contradiction from the source. It's the logical and persuasive development of a concept that has something new to add each time its revisited.

This is what makes those works so much more valuable than, say, Michael Rose's Infernalia. That book angrily repeats itself throughout, makes blunt assertions that are often so wrong as to be incoherent, and introduces no new thinking to the Satanic canon.

It's not even charmingly written.

So while it's accurate to say that one diamond idea can be valuable, even if you need to wade through lots of rough to find it, that's a horribly inefficient way of doing anything. Earlier books in my list present all the same conclusions that Rose does, and they do so much more thoughtfully and with much less immature gibbering to fight through.

Time is precious; our most precious resource, actually. The published work of Michael Rose just wastes so much of it.
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Darkest Auldearn: Raising Hell since 1662
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