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My Journey to Satanism #505521
12/23/17 06:22 PM
12/23/17 06:22 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
UK
Shine000 Offline OP

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Shine000  Offline OP

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Joined: Dec 2017
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UK
This is my first post so be gentle! I apologise for any typos, I'm having to use my iPad to post this. Enjoy my rambling!


My Journey to Satanism

Growing up I obsessed with the 'forbidden' - vampires, monsters, witches, ghosts, anything at all that went bump in the night. I was fascinated by these outcasts and in some respects I related to them. I was that fat gay kid that everyone picked on because I was weird. I would stay up to the little hours watching horror movies quite literally scaring myself shitless! My interest in the dark soon led me to the Occult at around age 10 when I got my first computer and began using the internet. I became interested in neo-paganism, witchcraft and Wicca and for some years practiced - I yearned for a relationship with 'God' and thought that I may find this through some form of alternative spirituality. I had heard about the Church of Satan and The Satanic Bible - it was always there lurking in the shadows although I completely ignored it and if I'm honest rolled my eyes and thought it was attention seeking.

Years past and although still interested in magic and witchcraft, still couldn't find this mysterious creature called God (or Goddess) everyone was so obsessed with.

I began researching other occult groups including OTO, BOTA, HOGD etc and finally stumbled across the Qabalah.

Qabalah really interested me and its completely abstract symbolism and description of God made total sense to me, after all if God did exist, it would be impossible for us to really understand it. I researched and read everything I could get my hands on and in the end I just ended up with a massive headache as I soon realised it was like trying to read a Chinese dictionary not knowing how to speak Chinese. It was so complicated it was as though it was designed to confuse and trip you up.

In the end, I gave up. I realised that after this mega God quest, I had never once felt its presence or had any belief in such a being despite trying my hardest too. All of the occult and hermetic books I read were just giving me headaches and in the end made no sense.

To quote LaVey in The Satanic Bibe:

"If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, then established
occultists would do well as maze -makers. The basic principles of ceremonial magic have been relegated for so long to infinitely classified bits of scholastic mysticism, that the would-be wizard becomes the victim of the very art of misdirection which he, himself, should be employing!"


I had read some Satanic literature some years between my occult 'digging', namely TSB and TSS and at that time I don't think I was in the right head space to really understand the philiosophy and its inherent simplicity. The books sat on my shelves for some years.

I became involved with an Alexandrian witchcraft coven and eventually became initiated as a 1st degree. I was interested in ritual - the theatre, the incense, robes, candles. I can't say I had a particular 'belief' in magic. I also can definitely say I had no belief in God despite trying my hardest. I just couldn't be convinced and found no evidence for such a thing. Shortly after my initiation the group fell apart and, well, that was that.

Years had gone by with The Satanic Bible sitting on my book shelf until one day I picked it up and with a clear, rational mind sat down and read it. When I was finished I thought to myself.... but I've always thought these things? These principles are already how I live my life! I was so taken back that all along, everything that I thought was sitting in that tiny little book at the top of my bookcase. I can only think that my previous reading of TSB was hazed in a mist of occultism and I couldn't see the wood for the trees.

I had came full circle.

I understand now how Satanists are born and not made. I did not convert to Satanism, rather I found a name for the principles and philosophy which I have always followed without a name, thanks to Anton LaVey and the Chuch of Satan. And in my search for God I realised he was there all along - it's me!

Since finding myself printed in the words of the TSB (cliche I know)I have devoured everything I can get my hands on- The Satanic Scriptures, The Satanic Rituals, Secret Life of a Satanist, The Devils Notebook everything on the official website. Next on the list is The Satanic Witch, The Satanic Warlock, Satan Speaks and Infernelia.

I recently boxed up quite a number of occult books and felt it was time to part with them. I sold them onto a book shop, for quite a nice sum. This was a very purging experience.

What better way than to use this money towards my registered membership?

Hail Satan!

Last edited by Shine000; 12/23/17 10:44 PM.

Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.
Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000] #505522
12/24/17 12:10 PM
12/24/17 12:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 396
Nashville, TN
LowKey Offline
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Posts: 396
Nashville, TN
Welcome to the world of the truly living! I always enjoy it when one of our kin finds their way home.

Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: LowKey] #505523
12/24/17 01:02 PM
12/24/17 01:02 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
UK
Shine000 Offline OP

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Shine000  Offline OP

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UK
Thank you! Itís been one hell of a journey.

Been looking through some of the posts - seems quite quiet on here, or is that just me?


Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.
Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000] #505526
12/26/17 01:08 AM
12/26/17 01:08 AM
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 396
Nashville, TN
LowKey Offline
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LowKey  Offline
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Posts: 396
Nashville, TN
You're right. I think most people are doing their cyber-interacting on Facebook these days. But I prefer the "quality over quantity" feel here.

Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: LowKey] #505527
12/27/17 01:36 PM
12/27/17 01:36 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
UK
Shine000 Offline OP

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Shine000  Offline OP

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UK
Do you mind if I ask when you realised you were a satanist and when you eventually decided to join the COS? Iím just curious to hear other peopleís stories!

Iím a ceramic artist/sculptor and Iím in the process of developing a new body of work which follows on from some previous works exploring the idea of the unhomely, unsettling and uncanny. Strangely when I read about LaVeyís Law of the Trapezoid it basically summed up exactly what Iíve been exploring for a number of years, particularly as I use very formal geometric forms. Looking forward to applying for active membership and sharing this new work with the COS. My website is www.shane-porter.com if you want to have a look at my work.

Look forward to hearing more about your journey!

HS

Shane

Last edited by Shine000; 12/27/17 02:39 PM.

Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.
Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000] #505528
12/27/17 03:05 PM
12/27/17 03:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 396
Nashville, TN
LowKey Offline
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LowKey  Offline
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Posts: 396
Nashville, TN
Here goes...

I was raised in a semi-religious family, meaning that most of my extended family were believers in Jesus and his teachings but didn't live strictly by Christian standards. However, enough lip service was paid to God, Jesus and The Devil to convince my young self that they existed. Looking back, I don't think I ever felt love for their God but, instead, I feared punishment from him.

The older I grew, the more inquisitive I became, exploring philosophical questions and finding that the answers (or lack thereof) didn't mesh with things I had been taught. I was around 15 years of age when I really developed the nerve to question God and, luckily for me, my best friend was of a similar disposition, allowing me the luxury of someone to whom I could express my heretical opinions. Together, he and I grew braver in our search for truth and freedom from Yahweh's tyranny. (That last bit sounds so dramatic, doesn't it?)

Eventually another friend with a penchant for dark things discovered a copy of The Satanic Bible in a bookstore while visiting his grandparents in Ohio. He purchased it, brought it home and enthusiastically encouraged me to read it, explaining that, in Anton LaVey, he had discovered a kindred soul. So, having a lot of respect for my friend and wanting to learn why this book was so inspiring to him (and why he thought it might inspire me as well), I read it... and felt exactly the same way my friend did.

For the next four years, I sought out more info on Satanism, experimented with ritual and various aspects of Lesser Magic and formed a few "magic circles" with what I thought were like-minded people. As it turned out, only a couple of those people really understood Satanism, so the three of us (myself and the two friends previously mentioned) decided it was time to join forces with the one organization that really represented us - The Church of Satan.

Nineteen years later, my friends and I have developed our own unique paths, yet we all still feel that connection to the axis that is CoS.

Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: LowKey] #505529
12/27/17 07:36 PM
12/27/17 07:36 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
UK
Shine000 Offline OP

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Shine000  Offline OP

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UK
Originally Posted By: LowKey


Together, he and I grew braver in our search for truth and freedom from Yahweh's tyranny. (That last bit sounds so dramatic, doesn't it?)



Dramatic but true! Lol


Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.
Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000] #505530
12/28/17 12:42 PM
12/28/17 12:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 396
Nashville, TN
LowKey Offline
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LowKey  Offline
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Posts: 396
Nashville, TN
FYI: another book you might glean some wisdom from would be A Fire From Within by Magister Nemo (whom you'll hear from in these forums from time to time).

Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: LowKey] #505531
12/28/17 03:26 PM
12/28/17 03:26 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
UK
Shine000 Offline OP

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Shine000  Offline OP

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Joined: Dec 2017
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UK
Thanks for the recommendation - Iím a fan of Nemoís work, heís a wise chap!

Will definetley check it out. Devils Due and Bearing the Devils Mark are also on my list. Just starting The Satanic Warlock.

I began The Satanic Witch but Iíve put it to the side as I wasnít in the right head space for it to sink in. Will be revisiting it soon.


Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.
Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000] #505532
12/28/17 03:52 PM
12/28/17 03:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,505
W
Waya Offline
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Waya  Offline
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W

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,505
Check out Magister Nemo's audio programs too.


Church of Satan

"We are superior, and are superior not by ethnic means, but by the superior force of the will -- the imagination, the creativity, and the very essence of resourcefulness, and survival, that is the heart and the very soul of the Satanist."
~Anton LaVey


Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Waya] #505534
12/29/17 09:44 AM
12/29/17 09:44 AM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
UK
Shine000 Offline OP

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Shine000  Offline OP

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Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
UK
Thanks for the recommendation - Iíve had a look st Nemos website and they do sound very interesting. Will check them out soon


Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.
Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000] #505538
01/02/18 02:50 PM
01/02/18 02:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 905
Australia
Babydoll Offline
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Babydoll  Offline
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Posts: 905
Australia
I enjoyed your introduction, you did well to write that much on an iPad! grin

I think the Tree of Life in the Qabalah is incredibly beautiful, and something in the symbolism moves me on a level I can't quite understand. Symbols can do this, but as you said the Qabalah is very complex.

Welcome here!

Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Babydoll] #505545
01/05/18 01:09 PM
01/05/18 01:09 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
UK
Shine000 Offline OP

COS Member-VIP
Shine000  Offline OP

COS Member-VIP

Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
UK
Thank you!

Yes some qabalistic symbolism is indeed very beautiful although itís a shame itís such a head f*ck!


Say unto thine own heart, "I am mine own redeemer."- The Book of Satan, The Satanic Bible.
Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Shine000] #505549
01/06/18 06:37 AM
01/06/18 06:37 AM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,034
near Baton Rouge, LA
Dax9 Offline

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Dax9  Offline

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Posts: 1,034
near Baton Rouge, LA
Quote:
Qabalah really interested me and its completely abstract symbolism and description of God made total sense to me, after all if God did exist, it would be impossible for us to really understand it. I researched and read everything I could get my hands on and in the end I just ended up with a massive headache as I soon realised it was like trying to read a Chinese dictionary not knowing how to speak Chinese. It was so complicated it was as though it was designed to confuse and trip you up.


Are you aware that there is a booklet titled The Gates of Hell by Magister George Sprague that examines the Tree of Life from a Satanic perspective and discusses how these Qabballistic symbolism provide the meanings for the cards in the Satan's Tarot deck? If you were ever interested in the Qabalah, you might find this old thread interesting. (The booklet, however, is now only available from the author directly):

http://www.satannet.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=376558#Post376558

And welcome to LttD! coopdevil


"The difference between the man or woman who's a practicing Satanist, from an identity Satanist is that the practicing Satanist looks at the picture, while the identity Satanist studies the frame."
-- Anton Szandor LaVey

"Anyone without a sense of humor is too pretentious to be a good magician."
-- Anton Szandor LaVey

Life Everlasting

World Without End




Re: My Journey to Satanism [Re: Dax9] #505557
01/10/18 11:54 AM
01/10/18 11:54 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 905
Australia
Babydoll Offline
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Babydoll  Offline
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Posts: 905
Australia
Quote:
Are you aware that there is a booklet titled The Gates of Hell by Magister George Sprague


I have that book and had actually forgotten about it! tiki

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