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#67718 - 12/14/04 10:38 AM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Doorway]
ArkhamMiskatonic Offline

Registered: 09/01/04
Posts: 138
My girl is not a Satanist, in fact I would say she is an agnostic (I'm pretty sure she would err on the side of Pascal's wager).... but she is a wonderful, amazing, vivacious, intelligent woman. She adds immeasurably to my life and the thought of limiting my relationships to only those who share my religious views scares me. I mean, just look at some of the phonies who tramp through this board shouting "Satanist."

However she has very Satanic atttitudes, and I encourage these manifestations whenever I see them occur. In her view we are both social realists, neither of us believe in limiting our experiences based on some arbitrary moral code, and we seek pleasure and satisfaction for ourselves here and now.... I just have the balls to say God does not exist.

When I told her the deal with Satanism etc., she was very accepting. I had her listen to a Peter Gilmore interview... it was funny, when she was done she said: "Oh... That's it?"
I think she felt very let down after hearing about the horrrors of the Satanic cabal through popular culture and then hearing about what a pragmatic, realistic religion it really was.

So she is very cool with it, as have been many of the people who have found out in one way or another, they react based on the kind of person you are, they reflect on what you have achieved and where you are heading, and I think they accept it as a part of you they have always known but have been unable to name. In fact I have a sneaking suspicion I am getting something from the COSEmpor for my birthday, I saw a email from COSEmp over her shoulder one day.... hmmmmmm......

#67719 - 12/16/04 04:21 PM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Doorway]
Shiva Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 10/31/01
Posts: 2762
Loc: Ormond Beach, FL
My husband will not call himself a Satanist, although he agrees with much of the philosophy. If he was someone who had a strong faith in an opposing religion and didn't have the makings to be a Satanist, I'm sure we'd have quite a few squabbles.

I have been in a more opposing religiously-mixed marriage before, and while it wasn't the main reason the marriage ended, it did spark quite a few arguments and extremely stressful situations. Some religions put a heavy emphasis on being around your own kind and making sure your loved ones will be with you for whatever afterlife reward they believe lies in store. Even if you agree that your faiths are different, it can put a lot of stress on the relationship when one starts worrying about the soul of the other. The "we'll be in together in heaven" song and dance doesn't play out well in situations like that. (Thoughts of this nature would ocassionally throw my ex-husband into serious bouts of depression, followed by periods of distancing himself from me for a while.)

Granted, I was divorced long before I ever called myself a Satanist. I imagine that had I begun during that marriage, it would have played a bigger part in the turmoil due to the misconceptions so many people have about Satanism. I suppose to some people atheists are still seen as being "undecided".

I've had other people, some whom I've never even been romantically involved with, express sorrow to me that they will "miss me" in heaven/paradise/whatever. I can only imagine how that must feel to some people who truly believe in those lines of faith, and I can certainly see how that could poison an otherwise compatible and loving relationship.
Rev. Shiva Rodriguez
Shiva's World / Headless Historicals / Siren Productions Media / Predatory Moon

"The ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now, if I were a grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment." - Douglas Jerrold

#67720 - 12/16/04 06:01 PM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Doorway]
Captn_Thatch Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 04/14/02
Posts: 851
Loc: 115°49'00"W 37°14'00"N
Personally I find it incredibly annoying when I have a particularly strong emotional and Satanic reaction to something, yet I must refrain from expressing it. It is easy to refrain, but the way it effects my subconscious is atrocious. My g/f and I are both unusually pissed-off people in general, but this isn't the measure of compatibility I dreamt it to be.

I also find that limiting a ritual to times when my girlfriend is out of town is reprehensibly sick-headed. My Church of Satan association is no secret, and my g/f has never been religious in her life, but rituals still seem to bother her. Even though I lended her the Satanic Bible on the first day of our acquaintance, and don't hide my interests at all, she still gets uptight about the rituals. Prepare yourself for the Human Unpredictability Principle. If you are not in a relationship yet, but you are thinking about it, consider what sort of mental, emotional and even physical (i.e., fetishes) restraint you may have to deal with if you take on living with a non-Satanic mate. Consider what extent you could or could not voice yourself and feel at liberty to do and say what you want, if the one you take time to attract has the slightest issue or anxiety about you as a Satanist. Self-expression is one of the inevitable causes of disagreements that you can't give up. For me, it is difficult to keep to myself. This can also rob a Satanist of a good degree of magical potential that could have otherwise been invested usefully. A lot of responses to the question here are offering realistic compromises that are claimed to work, (perhaps they do) but don't interpret this as a reason to give any relationship the benefit of the doubt. It's a demanding choice; a much easier "reaction" to start a relationship. Knowing yourself well is just as important as knowing someone else well. I'm convinced that any restraint that I put upon myself and my freedom of self-hood is one less thing I've got to be proud of. (Unless restraint is part of "universal" aesthetics; then I'm guilty as hell) The Bitch Goddess who ruled that immediate self-gratification would be easily accompanied by long term aggravation certainly has managed an outstanding and long-lasting dynasty and probably will persist without repent.

#67721 - 12/17/04 03:18 AM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Doorway]
Quija Offline

Registered: 12/05/04
Posts: 110
Loc: Germany
Today I know I'm a Satanist. My girl and I worked that out together in the last couple of years. I did the reading, hers was the thinking.

She on the other hand insits on calling herself a Catholic. I guess she just figures a Catholic-Satanists couple to be the cooler thing.

#67722 - 12/17/04 03:05 PM I see... [Re: Quija]
Nemo Offline
CoS Magister

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 13184
Loc: Point Nemo s48:52:31:748, w123...
I see a problem forming in your relationship.

Good luck.

#67723 - 12/18/04 10:38 PM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Doorway]
Koumeirah Offline

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 17
Had a most unfortunate relationship that went on and off with a Christian who wasn't quite certain they WERE one. This was during the time where I hadn't exactly focussed myself into Satanism, but.. At any rate, they knew that I was interested in Satanism, and were skeptical and supposedly open to learning about it.

Unfortunately, this was also the breed of Christian that had to bitch about everything they had and didn't have, material or otherwise. They felt they had to give everyone something and in turn be rewarded. Essentially, I was dealing with a psychic vampire.

But I came to my senses, since my annoyance meter was vibrating off the red zone. I came to realize that their 'open-mindedness' was merely a cover, since they happen to live a life of rather complete sin, but are, of course, the epitome of perfection.

Personal little rant here, but if it helps, good! Also gets a little rage off my back.
"To conquer without risk is to triumph without glory." -El Cid

#67724 - 12/23/04 01:40 PM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Koumeirah]
Nostias Offline

Registered: 12/22/04
Posts: 38
Loc: East London UK
My girlfriend is not a Satanist but she does not mind as shes pretty much agnostic her self so it's not problematic.
Satanists arn't that common so for the most part we end up forming relationships with non~satanists.

Normally my faith casues rifts with my christian friends.
However we agree to disagree and try not to bring it up too much.

#67725 - 12/28/04 04:25 AM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Koumeirah]
scoundrel Offline

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 95
Loc: Philippines
I have been never into relationship.
And even if I do, I will be grateful.

#67726 - 12/28/04 08:57 AM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Doorway]
Ceallach Offline

Registered: 12/27/04
Posts: 245
Loc: Northern Virginia, USA
Being as I haven't fully embraced Satanism (I am who I am, and may not fit into a specific group), and'm at the crossroads of rethinking where the heck I want to be in life, my husband is, for lack of a better term, an atheist. He had one religion or another shoved down his throat so much as a child/teen he turned his back on them all. I've no doubt, he'd probably make a rather good Satanist However, he chooses nothing, says he believes in himself, over some non-corporeal higher power. As such, we've never once butted heads about religion. If I want to be Wiccan, be wiccan, if I wanted to persue my thoughts on Satanism being more my path, he has not yet batted an eyelash. As we're in a monogamous relationship, and have been for nearly a decade now, he said he'd rather I not start forming a harem of male followers, but otherwise, feel free to do as I wish. It's always been that way; he's an incredibly quiet person; I'm a social type. I go out and do my karaoke, see friends' bands, etc, he's content to sit at home and watch a movie together. Religion's never been a second thought. Our kids will be raised however they decide to be. Most of my family is Wiccan (or in 1 or 2 cases, wannabe wiccans who've read too many books & seen the Craft too many times), so that's what they have experience with. They will, however, be allowed to learn about anything they want. If they want to borrow the Bible when they're old enough to understand it, I'm all for it. I could think of much worse beliefs to have than those founded by LaVey.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

#67727 - 12/28/04 09:12 AM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Doorway]
ancientrezial Offline

Registered: 12/27/04
Posts: 13
Well, I don't know about your relationship, but I am going to be honest with you, my parents never call themselves nothing, they never went to church... they never cared about religion.
They were wealthy but always selfish.
They never dressed black or even less try to get attention.
They were always proper and secret when it came to their relationship and personal life.
With us, they gave us choices and they were strong about their discipline.. with no exageration.
My relationship... well I introduced my husband to the Satanic Bible, and I said "read it before you say anything and then we will talk"
I wanted to be honest , but I didin't want to enforced anything to him.
But, let me tell you that when I was single, for sure I wasn't looking for someone opinionated or even close to have some sort of christian religion.
I was involved with people with the same interest, So I am sure that is the reason why I didin't have any problems with my relationship.
The easier you can make your life the better and happyer you will be.
And I don't mean lazy easier..
I mean just make it easy for yourself. be practical.

Edited by ancientrezial (12/28/04 09:14 AM)

#67728 - 12/28/04 11:37 AM A suggestion. [Re: Ceallach]
Nemo Offline
CoS Magister

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 13184
Loc: Point Nemo s48:52:31:748, w123...
The next time you think of Satanism consider substituting the word "reality" and then see if meanings quickly resolve themselves ... like magic!

For example, I have substituted reality and realist, etc. in part of your post below"


Being as I haven't fully embraced reality (I am who I am, and may not fit into a specific group), and'm at the crossroads of rethinking where the heck I want to be in life, my husband is, for lack of a better term, an atheist. He had one religion or another shoved down his throat so much as a child/teen he turned his back on them all. I've no doubt, he'd probably make a rather good realist However, he chooses nothing, says he believes in himself, over some non-corporeal higher power. As such, we've never once butted heads about religion. If I want to be Wiccan, be wiccan, if I wanted to persue my thoughts on reality being more my path, he has not yet batted an eyelash. ... I could think of much worse beliefs to have than those founded on reality.

This little trick usually helps clarify the Satanic perspective.

#67729 - 12/28/04 12:14 PM She's dating you, not your religion. [Re: Doorway]
Mason_Rust Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 1780
Loc: Michigan, USA
True Satanists tend to be very unique people in the first place. Without even looking at religion, I know that it would take a very open minded person to accept who I am and date me beyond just a sexual relationship. If they are open minded enough to continue a relationship, they are likely to be able to handle knowing about my religion once we have taken the time to get to know and care about each other.

If you reach a point where the person truly cares about you, then your chosen religion shouldn't matter much.

I've only had one serious relationship in the time that I've identified myself as a Satanist. When I first revealed to her what my religion was, she had a bit of a problem with it, mostly due to misconceptions about Satanism. She is fine with the idea now, and a lot of that has to do with her properly understanding what the religion is about. However, something that I think really helped her along the way was pointing out to her that the only person she knew who was a Satanist also happened to be the person she loved most in the world, and that there is little room for coincidence there.

At any rate, it would be important to develop the relationship first, in my opinion. The person is dating you, not your religion. If you get close and care about each other, once again, your religion shouldn't matter. And if it does turn out to be a deal breaker, that person wasn't right for you in the first place (obviously), and you're now free to find one who is.
"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence."
-Carl Sagan

#67730 - 12/29/04 02:57 AM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Doorway]
Grima Offline

Registered: 12/20/04
Posts: 331
Loc: Netherlands
Well I have a special somebody who has been brought up as a catholic. Her parents and, more important, she don't care what I belief in. And it shouldn't matter really. She's a wiccan and as long as she doesn't start preaching about white-magic bull I'll love her to death. In return I won't bother her with my beliefs. Although lately she has been more attracted to Satanism then wicca so I think she is going to see the truth about Satanism soon. At first she didn't know what to make of it really.
I also accepted her parents religion and if they don't accept mine then it's their problem.

#67731 - 12/29/04 05:43 AM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Nemo]
Old_Pig Offline

Registered: 11/27/02
Posts: 3976
Loc: The Deep South
Thanks, Magister Nemo. It honors me to know you have such esteem.

About the relationship with my (non Satanist) wife, I always say it’s very simple. Even when we have different religions, we both worship the same God!

I worship myself...
She worships me...
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.
Robert A. Heinlein

#67732 - 12/29/04 07:09 AM Re: Satanists and Non-Satanists in relationships? [Re: Doorway]
simasud666 Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 05/22/04
Posts: 959
Loc: New York, USA
When I first met and married my husband, I knew nothing of what he believed in nor did I care.

We met on 5 July and got married on the seventeenth only twelve days later. This was eighteen years ago.

I did give him a glimpse into who I was really by not taking the trip to Hawaii, which he wanted and asked if he would go with me to Salem, which he did. While strolling through Salem and the long deep talks, setting, and talking while looking into each other’s eyes I calmly told him little by little who I was and what I believed in.

I then dropped it and continued with our life together showing him myself and learning to love each other the way everyone does. I went on with our lives and raising our children until I decided it was time to purchase some books that would be of interest to me at which time I took him to a so-called New Age Book Store.

Where I was looking to replace my LaVey books, which my Ex had stolen from me my husband found some Crowley books hidden amongst the used books in the back. He was fascinated and very excepting of the things that he had been missing in life. The next thing I knew he was on a whirlwind of buying all he could find to help him to get to where he is today. He has bought all of Doktor LaVey’s writings, Video’s, CD’s, as well as any book that mentions the Doktor. He also purchased Blanche Barton’s two books as well as many other books that he feels have Satanic Values to them.

I do not suggest this to everyone. However, because I showed the best side of me, not playing head games, being honest, and showing him Love that he had never experienced before allowed us to grow together, trust and understand each other.

When I first got into Satanism in 1970, it was so new that there was no other Satanist around the big city that I lived near. At that time, I did not have the options of travel so I married a childhood sweet heart. He was a Christian Scientist and although he accepted what I was into he turned out to be a jerk and our love failed. My second Husband whom I dated for two years before we got married was a good con artist. He had studied the writings of Doktor LaVey while he had been in Jail. He played the part right up until a month after we were married and then and only then did he show his true self and was only playing the part for sex not only from me but anyone else he could con. Later he told, “That Satanist’s were the best lay’s he had ever had”.

Depending on where you live the chances of meeting another Satanist may be nil. Unless you plan to attend events, parties or Grotto’s of the CoS you may never meet another Satanist. However, if you find some common ground, put your best foot forward in showing yourself, are honest, don’t play head games, Loving and attentive you may just change the mind of another.

Good luck

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