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#79669 - 02/15/05 01:48 PM Feeling like I'm losing perspective
Shylock Offline


Registered: 02/08/02
Posts: 307
Loc: Tiki Land
I hope this doesn't come out as whining. Really all I want are some suggestions for how to move out of the rut I'm stuck in right now, particularly from anyone who's felt the same.

It used to be that I felt the difference between myself and those around me--a sensation that fits well with the idea of "maintaining perspective" that LaVey often spoke of--all the time. I felt the magic of having a bit of solitary space for myself, a feeling that still comes back to me in the rare moments I have time for it.

More and more lately though I feel I'm living the ordinary life and am getting rather sick of doing so. No, this is not some sort of suicidal post, but I wish I could move on to a more exciting and/or meaningful time in my life a little quicker. I think the primary reason for all of this is that as I've grown older I've had less time for myself and more time has been devoted towards the responsibilities of work, school, and relationships. I recently ( within the past 3 months) moved out of my parents house and am now adding "paying bills, cooking dinner, cleaning up the place, having arguments with my boyfriend" and other mundane activities to that list. I feel like my life is so saturated with petty things right now, even though I as a person haven't really changed.

I've never cared to feel "just like everyone else." I'm not ordinary and I know it, but sometimes I just don't feel it. That feeling of being "Other" always was enjoyable to me and served as a fulcrum point for personal development as well. I want it back, but I first have to navigate through all the crap (not all bad, sometimes enjoyable, but still crap) that comes with everyday life.

My reason for posting, as I said before, is one of looking for suggestions. I'm wondering how my fellow Satanists find a corner of their lives for that magical feeling, that sense of living a different life and finding one's own path, when there's errands to run, work issues to discuss over lunch, etc. I'm sure I'll adjust eventually and be my old self again, but I'd like to adjust a bit sooner if possible.

Thanks for any help on this and feel free to ask questions for clarity (I may have been a bit cryptic here in lieu of giving too many long, boring details).
_________________________
Pride may be worth less than safety but it's certainly worth more than convenience.

--The Royal Me

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#79670 - 02/15/05 02:19 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: Shylock]
Rev_Malebranche Offline
CoS Reverend

Registered: 06/03/02
Posts: 4136
Loc: Oregon
I don't know how else to put this...

Welcome to adulthood. It's a game of survival. Think of it this way:

If you were a cavewoman (or cave couple in this case), you'd spend at least 75% of your waking hours providing food, shelter & clothing for yourself. Even on "weekends". For the vast majority of us, while we have more leisure time than cavepeople, we still have precious little time left for the things that make life truly worthwhile.

Seize that "free time" and make the most of it; don't let anyone else tell you what you should be doing with it, how how you should be enjoying it. It's your life, take ownership over it and make it what you want it to be.

(and of course, if you can get more enjoyment out of what you do, or create a situation where you have to "work" very little, all the better)

PS. I'm writing this from work.

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#79671 - 02/15/05 03:23 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: Shylock]
gypsy Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 07/04/01
Posts: 4749
Loc: Here
Change is an ongoing process in everyones life, with growth come responsibility. Perhaps a change of attitude is all that you need. After all if you fail to recognize the results of your own efforts you'll be setting yourself up for failure. Instead why not pat yourself on the back for being competent enough to get where you are, and try having some fun. The future is yours try being a little more secured in the fact that you've succeeded thus far; you’re the only one holding the reigns here so take control and try looking on the bright side.

gypsy
_________________________
"All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie."

"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."


Church of Satan

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#79672 - 02/15/05 04:12 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: Shylock]
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/25/01
Posts: 12982
Loc: The Solid State
Thank you for being honest, Ginger, and I personally didn't think you came across as whining.

I think many people grapple with issues like these. I certainly grapple with them at times---I periodically go through "midlife crisises" when I feel stuck in a period of monotony, and I feel there's more out there and in me , but I'm unsure of how or where to go get it or express it. I'm sort of going through a phase like this right now--I am also grappling with my mortality, and what it means to be dead and no longer exist.

Offhand, my suggestions might be as follows, and/or:

* Go on a "mini-walkabout." Go on a grand adventure by yourself---explore a city or town by yourself, or better yet, venture into the wilderness. Spending time with yourself can help you to re-evaluate your priorities, goals, and qualities, and meeting up with obstacles along the way can give you a chance to flex physical and mental muscles.
* Inject yourself into situations that will allow you to feel empowered and, yes, even smug. Yeah, this may be a lame-ass tactic, but if you're feeling really down, it helps to be reminded of your good qualities. An updraft of hubris may help you to fly out of a rut and get back to feeling good.
* Evaluate your dreams and interests, and then dive into them. Write them down, to solidify them. I'm getting back into writing, and I'm fighting my desire to self-critique or procrastinate, because although writing may have its challenges and may bring up issues for me, I feel better when I do it, and I feel better knowing I'm doing something that will ultimately produce *something.*
* Try one new thing every day. I feel my best when I am doing and learning new things. If you feel like you're growing, learning, and progressing, your mood may improve.
_________________________
"Gentlemen, the verdict is guilty, on all ten counts of first-degree stupidity. The penalty phase will now begin."--Divine, "Pink Flamingos."

"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!

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#79673 - 02/15/05 05:16 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: Shylock]
dragondancer Offline

CoS Member

Registered: 12/22/04
Posts: 1546
Loc: Virginia
I agree with everything everyone else said. Welcome to the real world. Make the most of whatever free time you might have. Are you studying anything at this time? I mean anything new and interesting to you. Sometimes it just takes finding something to be passionate about again. Look into new things that interest you, even if you only get to do it a few hours a week. Also, just for a quick fix, try wearing something totally deviant under your work clothes ocassionally, something that makes you feel special and different from anyone else.


Hail Satan!
_________________________
"It does take an exceptional mind and a still more exceptional integrity to remain untouched by the brain-destroying influences of the world's doctrines, the accumulated evil of the centuries-to remain human, since the human is the rational." Dr. Akston in Atlas Shrugged

"Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued." Socrates

Dragondancer
Temple of Vampire


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#79674 - 02/15/05 07:32 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: Shylock]
Panorama Offline


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 5
Loc: Western Australia
Congratulations on moving out of home. I think Self sufficiency is something to be proud of.

I think I can relate to what your saying. I remember the culture shock I experienced when I first moved out of home; Suddenly having A lot more chores and responsibilities took some time to get used to.

It sounds to me that you currently are feeling a little overwhelmed. Here are some of my suggestions that you can take or leave as you wish.

Instead of viewing this time as "a rut" view it as an adjustment phase that you WILL get through (It's only been 3 months, it takes time.)

Try to find the most efficient way of getting your household chores done, freeing up more time for creativity.

It may be a little radical saying this but I've never heared of anyone dieing of a sink full of dishes or an untidy house. If letting things slide a little means you get some time to regain your sanity ( or Satanity ) then why not. Who says you have to be tidy ALL THE TIME. Weigh up the pros and cons for yourself, it's your house.

I also like Dragondancer's suggestion of having secret little fetishes; A great way to put that exta bit of zing in your day.

I hope some of this may be of use to you.

Hail!

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#79675 - 02/15/05 11:46 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: Shylock]
Discipline Offline
CoS Warlock

Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 6796
Loc: Forever West
If someone I did not know personally looked at my life they would probably find it pretty mundane and boring. I work, I go to school, I exercise, I read, I draw, and go for walks . I do have other activities I indulge in but those things I just stated are a part of my normal routine. Does that sound boring? Well, to me its wonderful. I love it and I can't get enough of it. I enjoy school, I enjoy sitting for a few hours with a book, I enjoy going for walks, and get this.....I enjoy my job!!!! That's right, I like my simple life because it is my life by my design. To me its not simple and compared to the majority of people's lives which are pompous, pretentious and meaningless mine is damn good.

If I dislike something I work on changing it.

I look back at my childhood and think, "Those were the good and simple times, the fun times." Yet if I dig deeper I realize how much I hated public school and the majority of my peers. I hated having to cater to others to avoid being bullied. I hated how adults would treat me like a retard because I did not fit the status quo. I really did not like how my life was created, created by others for me and not by me. Now I am healthier, smarter, quicker, stronger, more talented, and I have one hell of a sense of humor. Now I could kick the asses of all those punk kids that thought they could pick on the outcasts back in highschool.

You should ask yourself what is it you are really looking for and go for it. You might find you are not looking for anything but a little peace of mind.

Take care.


Edited by Discipline (02/15/05 11:49 PM)
_________________________
"I've learned . . . that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes." ~Andy Rooney

"At last I shall have time to devote myself seriously and freely to the destruction of all my former opinions." ~Descartes

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself—and you are the easiest person to fool.” ~Richard Feynman

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#79676 - 02/16/05 01:23 AM Finding perspective [Re: Shylock]
Nemo Offline
CoS Magister

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 12409
Loc: Point Nemo s48:52:31:748, w123...
What do you really want?

If you won the lottery tomorrow how many of these "mundane" issues would vanish?

Then what exactly would you do?

Answer that question in precise detail and you will regain your perspective.

Fail to do so and you are whining after all.

To be achieved a goal must first be identified.

Clearly what you are doing now is less than what you truly want.

The choice is yours.

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#79677 - 02/16/05 12:21 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: Shylock]
Foxy_Ramirez Offline


Registered: 01/16/04
Posts: 207
Loc: Lawrence, KS
I'm almost in the exact situation myself. I've come to the conclusion that there is no "easy" path to greatness. It'll take time to develope it. My current plans revolve going to college in the fall at CMSU to become a lawyer. After attending my years in college and a few as a lawyer, I plan to run for office, and just work my way up from there.

Overall though, it is evitably a tough path, especially without a helping hand from parents or the such, but is a path worth taking indeed. The best suggestion I can give is roll with the hits, never let down your guard, and kick ass all the way up the hill.
_________________________
"There is a beast in man that should be exercised, not exorcised." ~ Anton Szandor LaVey

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#79678 - 02/16/05 02:03 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: dragondancer]
Shylock Offline


Registered: 02/08/02
Posts: 307
Loc: Tiki Land
Thanks for the suggestions...perhaps I might want to try that one about clothing (or possibly jewelry that has some sort of ritualistic and/or kinky significance).

As for cultivating interests, I actually have used some of the time since graduating in December to get back to some things I used to enjoy doing but didn't have too much time for. Right now I'm reading "The Wolf King" by Alice Borchardt (think Anne Rice, but with werewolves instead of vampires), and Umberto Eco's "The Name of the Rose" (which appears to be a murder-mystery), both of which--besides being generally enjoyable--offer a peek into worlds of magic and mystery that I find very rejuvenating amidst day-to-day stuff. I'm also writing more articles for the college newpaper I'm still involved with even though I've graduated. As much as cooking day-to-day is a bit boring, I'm actually learning how to put together complicated recipes and enjoying doing that at this point. Perhaps at your suggestion this would also be a good time to start working on a work of fiction (I've had an idea in mind for some time now) or getting back to acrylic or watercolor painting.

I'm sure I'll figure it out.
_________________________
Pride may be worth less than safety but it's certainly worth more than convenience.

--The Royal Me

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#79679 - 02/16/05 02:06 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: TrojZyr]
Shylock Offline


Registered: 02/08/02
Posts: 307
Loc: Tiki Land
Very insightful as always! In particular this seemed very helpful:
Quote:

* Go on a "mini-walkabout." Go on a grand adventure by yourself---explore a city or town by yourself, or better yet, venture into the wilderness. Spending time with yourself can help you to re-evaluate your priorities, goals, and qualities, and meeting up with obstacles along the way can give you a chance to flex physical and mental muscles.




I think part of the matter may be that with living with someone I may not have been taking enough time for myself, alone. This could solve that aspect of it.
_________________________
Pride may be worth less than safety but it's certainly worth more than convenience.

--The Royal Me

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#79680 - 02/16/05 02:33 PM Re: Finding perspective [Re: Nemo]
Shylock Offline


Registered: 02/08/02
Posts: 307
Loc: Tiki Land
Quote:

If you won the lottery tomorrow how many of these "mundane" issues would vanish?





Oddly enough, I don't think this would solve as much as it might for other people. True, it would get all that damn housework out of the way and I could probably use some of the extra money so as not to be so conscious of its role in my life, but I think I'd be in the exact same situation if I was just coasting for life on luck money.

The reason? I think I'm getting restless. Because of the work/school combination, I felt it would be best for me to spend some time after graduation getting my shit together, so to speak, before rushing off into the job market. Well, I graduated from college in December, and have spent the past few weeks organizing stuff in the apartment, settling student loan matters, paying off bills from Christmas, and getting back to doing some of the things I enjoyed but wasn't able to immerse myself in because of my schedule--reading, writing, learning about French cuisine, and trying food & wine in local restaurants. It's been great in many ways, and I no longer feel burned-out.

But you can only go out to restaurants, sort through boxes, and read novels in the bathtub so long before that old "Is this all there is in life?" question comes to mind. In the past I worked towards academic goals, which were of much greater significance than "making Coq au vin" or "finishing 'The Witches of Eastwick.'" For once in my life I've actually been on extended vacation without those sorts of responsibilities. I think it's time to take the plunge into the job market and get moving towards a career in the realm of international trade & marketing. Besides, I've been getting all too serious about working as a florist (my day job since high school), which hints at a desire to do more with my life than just visiting local taverns and watching movies ordered off of Netflix.

I think with my spare time tonight I should come up with a list of things I will do to move towards identifying what available positions interest me and will help me develop the sort of career I have in mind.

Another goal that comes to mind is 'more time alone' and several of the suggestions from the other posters here sound like a good remedy to the feeling that my life is saturated with other people.

Thanks for the direct questions. It seems I get a lot of relating when I share things like this with friends and family instead of anyone asking, "And what are you going to do about it?"--which is what I really need to hear.
_________________________
Pride may be worth less than safety but it's certainly worth more than convenience.

--The Royal Me

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#79682 - 02/16/05 08:01 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: Shylock]
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch

Registered: 07/25/01
Posts: 12982
Loc: The Solid State
Oh, and FYI, I find one may get more out of a journey by taking it primarily on foot. For me at least, cars provide many opportunities for distraction, whereas having to walk to a location provides exercise, slows down time, gives me a chance to get in touch with the environment, and gives me more time to think.
_________________________
"Gentlemen, the verdict is guilty, on all ten counts of first-degree stupidity. The penalty phase will now begin."--Divine, "Pink Flamingos."

"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!

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#79683 - 02/19/05 10:16 AM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: Shylock]
Gileyd Offline


Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 196
Loc: Leeds, UK
Quote:

That feeling of being "Other" always was enjoyable to me




I just need to understand one thing, why is it so important for you to be the "other" ? I suppose I can only speak for myself, but for me as long as person is true to him/herself, it is of no concern of how others act, and whether that labels one under "Majority" or "Minority". Don't get me wrong, I love standing out of a crowd as much as anyone else, but not my first joy is and always has been that I look in the mirror and can be proud that I am true to myself.

And I completely relate to the difficulty of living on your own, and the burden of responsiblity. I'm putting myself through University and paying bills etc... and whilst my parents help me when they can, I'm pretty much having to fend for myself. And it's hard, and it's emotionally draining to always worry about finding money to pay bills and meeting endless deadlines. But what gets me through it, is that I know this is just a means to an end. I know where I want to go in life, and the hardship I go through will only make me a stronger and more independant person, valuable tools that will help me once I reach my goal. And nothing short of a bullet to the head will stop me taking what is rightfully mine. Just like a wounded animal, I feel most deadly when I'm cornered.

The lifeline to get you out of this sea of "crap of everyday life" as you put it, is the lighthouse of a goal in mind. Look at your strengths, and decide on the destination that will allow you to use these strengths to reap rewards. Then simply work backwards from where you want to be, and where you are. If you want it bad enough, nothing will deter you and you will rise above it all with the thought that your time will come. And you will look around, and see people around you giving up and surrendering. And you will laugh to yourself, and take pride in your strength and relentless will you have, and they all lack, to claim your prize. And that is all the proof you need that you are not only "other", but better.
_________________________
Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me. - The Sith Code (George Lucas)

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#79684 - 02/20/05 03:24 PM Re: Feeling like I'm losing perspective [Re: ]
The_Sixth_Circle Offline
CoS Member

Registered: 10/06/04
Posts: 432
Loc: Hell; where else?
I like that piece of advice. Perspective usually comes with not having what you want for long enough to appreciate it, should it be reinstated. If you add this to the fact that achieving an elusive goal is a boost to the confidence, you should find a recipe for success. Funnily enough, I only wanted to be internationally known for something that hadn't been done before - mission accomplished. It may have caused an outrage, but being a Satanist, I prefer infamy to fame anyway. Besides, the biggest complaints always come from the lower echelons of humanity. Fact. In short, just remember;

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder".

Or is it Absinthe...(!)
_________________________
Have You Met The Alien Elite? / The Sixth Circle @ Myspace

Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived. - Sir Oscar Wilde

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