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Another Psychic Vampire query #97799
05/04/05 03:58 PM
05/04/05 03:58 PM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
speculum Offline OP
speculum  Offline OP

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
Perhaps I'm being a bit paranoid, but here goes. straighten me out where I need be, so here goes...

I'm still reading the Bible (as suggested) and I've gained so much logical insight from it. Never before have things been so crystal clear!

Okay, I'm dating a girl whoI care for greatly. I help her when she needs it -as she seems to alot. She's having trouble with finances (even though) I'm barely scraping by myself -when I care for someone, there isn't much I wouldn't do (though I still stick the the left-hand when all is boiled down).

it seems rather simple to distinguish beween those who serve no useful purpose -unless of course it comes to issues of intimacy.

She tells me she has absolutely no money and it seems that way. (I'm not going through her things to find out, because I may give her the benefit of the doubt.

I get upset when I see her scraping together pennies for bus fair and so i give it to her.

But the other day I gave her either $5-$10 and asked her to get change so she could have bus fare to get to work, and then found out she spent it all. I thought it was rather comical for her to do that -even though I never specified (just expected) for her bring back what she didn't need (as I don't have much in the way of my own).

She never asks and from what I've read -some 'symptoms' that included mere hints (although) I only request that she just ask, and so on.

It's just that when it comes to me, I never ask nor do I accept offers -considering independence as I've done fine on my own so far, but I see my funds gradually depleting, and when we are together, I feel like I lay with a prostitute.

It may sound harsh, as it does to me, bcause she has 2 well raised children- and now I find myself in a situation where I feel responsible - because I care. She's nice as far as I can see, but when I look deeper into the kind of person she is, things don't seem so bad.

I feel stingy at times, but it feels good to know that I have no other responsibility than to myself.

I could break it off with her, but something keeps me there...

Sound familiar? Or do you think I'm just paranoid -I feel better off alone or with someone who can rely on themself.

I ask nothing of her, because I understand her situation, but I don't think she understands me. She was quite piffed when I confronted her as politely as I could in regards to the situation... and so I bought her lunch.

I'm afraid of how cut and dry it may appear, i'm still a bit confused. I just don't want to hurt her, then again, if this is how it's going to be, i'm not so sure how to break it off. I live in a city mind you.

SIGH

I know i

Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: speculum] #97800
05/04/05 04:06 PM
05/04/05 04:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 733
A Harsh Reality ,Wa USA
I
IronCrafter Offline
IronCrafter  Offline
I

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 733
A Harsh Reality ,Wa USA
I've never felt pinched financially with a woman,but I sure have had a few vampires try to latch on.

Ultimately, the one with the most power in a relationship is the one most willing to walk away to preserve thier core.

When I began to feel a sense of guilt and responsibility where I really had none,it was always the sign that things were out of balance. Codependence is not a healthy way to live.

Exactly how you go about breaking it off will be up to you,but I think you need to examine what it is doing to your center to decide how to say it.


"Life is an objective-achieve it." "Be who you are and say what you feel,because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr Suess My home page featuring my work can be found here. HS! Crafter
Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: speculum] #97801
05/04/05 04:14 PM
05/04/05 04:14 PM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 10,146
Hagen von Tronje Offline

CoS Priest
Hagen von Tronje  Offline

CoS Priest

Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 10,146
1. Do you plan to marry this woman? If not, I wouldn't be dropping any change on her that wasn't part of a date package deal. One of my first rules is that I do not ever pay for a woman's "incidentals." I buy dinner, she takes care of herself. If she can't do this...see note two.

2. A woman this broke probably has nothing going for her. I'd drop her like she has leprosy and find someone that can take care of herself.


"The devil I'll bring you," answered Hagen. "I have enough to carry with my shield and breastplate; my helm is bright, the sword is in my hand, therefore I bring you naught."
Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: IronCrafter] #97802
05/04/05 04:15 PM
05/04/05 04:15 PM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
speculum Offline OP
speculum  Offline OP

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
Thank you IRONCRAFTER. BTW, Those pics are cool, I dig blakened steel!

Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: Hagen von Tronje] #97803
05/04/05 04:21 PM
05/04/05 04:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 733
A Harsh Reality ,Wa USA
I
IronCrafter Offline
IronCrafter  Offline
I

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 733
A Harsh Reality ,Wa USA
Money is one thing Leviathan.

But the ones who try to use a man as a crutch are just as bad,if not worse. I need my energy for ME. I can't be expending it to try to fill in a sucking black hole.

No matter how much you invest,it will never be enough-I learned that the hard way. I prefer someone with thier OWN power,not who needs to use someone else's.

And thank you Speculum,I wish you well.


"Life is an objective-achieve it." "Be who you are and say what you feel,because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr Suess My home page featuring my work can be found here. HS! Crafter
Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: speculum] #97804
05/04/05 04:27 PM
05/04/05 04:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 81
California, USA
A
andychrist Offline
andychrist  Offline
A

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 81
California, USA
I mean no offense, but you sound like a bit of a doormat with this post. I took a moment to read some of your other posts, and you do not strike me as such, but she is walking all over you. It is an automatic reaction to drop something that is burning your hand, but it sounds like you are trying your damndest not to.
The easiest way to break it off is to know that you really want to do so, and to know the reasons why. Then, you tell her, face to face, that you want out. Answer her inevitable questions honestly and directly. She will be hurt, and so will you. Then, the hurt will go away, and you will be stronger for it.
Hail Satan.


"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers" from a button on my backpack.
Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: Hagen von Tronje] #97805
05/04/05 04:30 PM
05/04/05 04:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
speculum Offline OP
speculum  Offline OP

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
Thanks LeviathanXIII, The Bible is so right! Guy, I can't believe how brutally true it is! It IS the true book of life!

I yeild to LaVey- I wish I read it sooner.

I never knew.

Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: IronCrafter] #97806
05/04/05 04:31 PM
05/04/05 04:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 81
California, USA
A
andychrist Offline
andychrist  Offline
A

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 81
California, USA
Once again, Crafter cuts to the heart of the matter.
Hail Satan


"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers" from a button on my backpack.
Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: andychrist] #97807
05/04/05 04:45 PM
05/04/05 04:45 PM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
speculum Offline OP
speculum  Offline OP

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
I hate to admit it, but I agree. Unfortunately, I've spent too much time pursuing other things, neglecting matters of the heart. Perhaps I went into this a bit naive. I used to be a christian until I realised a christian conspiracy (you know, that christ is supposedly in us all)

-that we would end up carrying some selfless cross by some 'holy sirens' call of sugar-coated natural selection. Who knew there'd be so many of those diseased roaches infesting society?!

You are SO right, ANDYCHRIST! Thank you for setting it straight, guy!

Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: speculum] #97808
05/04/05 04:54 PM
05/04/05 04:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 81
California, USA
A
andychrist Offline
andychrist  Offline
A

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 81
California, USA
Glad to help. I've been in those shoes, and I found the direct approach to be the best. Some would worry about wanting to still be "friends" with the one they are "dumping", but I relate that to a dog rolling around in a pile of fleas after he's had a bath.
Maintain focus and you'll be all right.
Hail Satan.


"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers" from a button on my backpack.
Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: IronCrafter] #97809
05/04/05 05:01 PM
05/04/05 05:01 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 12,990
The Solid State
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch
TrojZyr  Offline
CoS Witch

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 12,990
The Solid State
I prefer someone with thier OWN power,not who needs to use someone else's.

Exactly, Iron. I've had to shake off various guys who indicated by their actions that I was going to be Mommy/Super-Therapist and they were planning on being Baby/Waif.

Not on my watch, me buckos!

Of course, I'll play god's advocate and note that many young people are just getting on their feet, and some do it more quickly than others. This woman may grow into someone very successful, once she figures out who she is, and finds her niche and vocation. She may be talented and "wealthy" in other ways that can be appreciated. Since I don't know her, I can't say.

However, the fact that she takes your money and runs with it gives me bad vibes---not necessarily "psychic vampire off the port bow!" vibes, but not good ones, all the same. I think you at least need to sit her down and establish some rules and standards regarding money and other assets, and you need to be clear (but still tactful) with her about how you expect to be treated. During this chat, she can establish standards for you, as well. If she continues to engage in some of the behaviors you've described--most of all, the shameless spending of *your* money without your explicit and honest blessing--then I'd consider that a red alert, because it may indicate that she is either hopelessly boorish, and/or deeply insensitive, which are generally signs of a psy vamp.

So, Speculum, I guess it's up to you to decide where this woman is headed in life, and where you yourself are headed, so that you can decide whether it's worth heading there together. Oh, and your name makes me cringe--I hope you're at least a warm speculum.


"Gentlemen, the verdict is guilty, on all ten counts of first-degree stupidity. The penalty phase will now begin."--Divine, "Pink Flamingos."

"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!
Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: TrojZyr] #97810
05/04/05 05:55 PM
05/04/05 05:55 PM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
speculum Offline OP
speculum  Offline OP

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Nashua, NH
Well, she's 30, and going through rough stuff. She knows I go by Speculum on the net, I'm sorry to confuse you as I now know what it means outside of the occult. To me it is an object of divination more like a person invoked with some spirit (medium). You should have seen my face when she told me what it was (medically). Oops, had I known that, I probably would have picked another, but I meant well.

Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: speculum] #97811
05/04/05 09:45 PM
05/04/05 09:45 PM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,141
Canada
reprobate Offline

CoS Warlock
reprobate  Offline

CoS Warlock

Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,141
Canada
Isn't all of this just common sense? Why did you need us to spell this out for you? And more to the point: Why did you need to see it in a book before it occurred to you?


reprobate
Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: TrojZyr] #97812
05/04/05 10:55 PM
05/04/05 10:55 PM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 10,146
Hagen von Tronje Offline

CoS Priest
Hagen von Tronje  Offline

CoS Priest

Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 10,146
I hope you're at least a warm speculum

Come now, Miss TrojZyr, cold speculums are the best. At least, they are by far the most entertaining to watch.


"The devil I'll bring you," answered Hagen. "I have enough to carry with my shield and breastplate; my helm is bright, the sword is in my hand, therefore I bring you naught."
Re: Another Psychic Vampire query [Re: speculum] #97813
05/04/05 11:40 PM
05/04/05 11:40 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 12,990
The Solid State
TrojZyr Offline
CoS Witch
TrojZyr  Offline
CoS Witch

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 12,990
The Solid State
No problemo. It's neat that the name has so many meanings.

Ahhh, she's 30. I thought she was younger.


"Gentlemen, the verdict is guilty, on all ten counts of first-degree stupidity. The penalty phase will now begin."--Divine, "Pink Flamingos."

"The strong rule the weak, and the cunning rule over all." HS!
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