When I first found this forum I made alot of foolish posts. I had alot of foolish ideas to write about so it only makes sense that I would make such mistakes. I had a head full of conflicting ideas about the possibilities of life, the universe and everything, which I was attempting to sort out. Satanism seemed to be a foreign religion, the likes of which I had never seen before, and in the spirit of ubiquity I decided to give Satanism a chance and see what it had to offer.
At first, meaning before I had purchased TSB, the Satanists on this forum seemed to be arrogant and surly. The overall impression I got out of this forum was that Satanism was about being pissed off and anti-christian. I was interested in obtaining happiness so I was a little bit turned off by it all. It turns out that I really had just read the wrong posts and said the wrong things out of ignorance, which received the unanimous reply "READ THE SATANIC BIBLE". The starter information on the church's website was enticing enough so I gave in and read the bible.
What I found in the bible was initially uninteresting because I found myself after each chapter saying "well... duh this is all pretty obvious". Then one day it hit me, this is the code of values that I have been trying to express my whole life. The reason that I was so confused was because I was trying to separate truth from lies and living in conflict between what I knew felt right and what I had been told was right all my life. I had been searching everywhere, in every religion, trying to construct the god that resonated inside of me when all along I had only been searching for myself. I had been looking to the stars like I had been led to do instead of trusting myself to find the answer inside of me. All of a sudden my ego was gratified, and I was the center of my own universe as I always should have been.
After years of trying to please others and deal with the guilt I had taken upon myself for being fortunate and successful, I found myself CONCIOUSLY living for my own personal gain. Even when I was pleasing others and dealing with guilt I was always acting selfishly in an effort to feel good. Now I knew, and that made a world of difference.
I started seeing this website and this religion as a party of sorts, full of intelligent people who were just trying to enjoy life for themselves in the presence of others with a similar mindset. It was/is the party that I have been seeking for a long time. It is a place where I can finally be myself, without shame, without hesitation, because it is finally about me, And that is all that matters.
I feel great. I have not felt this certain of who I am for a while now. No more contemplating spiritual nothings unless it pleases me to do so. No more helping others unless it is to help myself. No more heapings of guilt for not doing whatever I can to help those less fortunate than I. Not another second of my life will be spent in the service of another man unless it pleases me to do so.
So I am writing this to say Thank You to Anton LaVey, COS, LttD creators and moderators for creating this sight, and all the intelligent people on here who have made posts that have enriched my life and thinking. I feel great, and I want to give a little of that joy to those who have given me so much.
And Hail to Satanists everywhere